What is drug addict?

I’d say there are several types of drug addicts. One is the person who goes to a doctor, says they cannot sleep or feel depressed and they leave with drugs. These drugs are prescribed by a doctor, so they seem legit. The doctor might tell the patient the drug is addicting, or promise it isn’t.  However, what people find is that they cannot get off the drugs! What does that tell you? The shrinks call it “dependency” but that’s just a eupemism for “addicted.” Did you know that one of the the hardest drugs to get off of is Effexor! Yep, Effexor is like heroin since once you start it……Good luck getting off! Yet psychiatrists will  promise a patient that these drugs aren’t addicting drugs. You are hooked for life. And what about the jittery or uneasy feeling that antidepressants produce?  It’s really an akathesia-like reaction but instead of taking you off the drug, the medical harm caused by it is labeled “anxiety.” I know so many who are convinced they have anxiety and almost all of those people take antidepressants. It’s a scam.

So I hear the argument that a drug is okay if it is a certain “Schedule” in the pharmacist rankings. What are these rankings? They aren’t rankings of how addicting a drug is, nor how “safe” it is, but how easy they are ranked legally, that is, who can obtain them and what channels a person has to go to get them and have them in their possession without getting arrested. A lot of politics goes into that. Not only that, these rankings are only relevant in one country, the USA. Never mind folks in the USA have no conception of other places.  The pharmacy rankings have no relevance to how “healthy” a drug is. They only make you a criminal in USA if you have certain drugs in your possession without “doctor permission.” If a drug is unsafe, it’s unsafe regardless of FDA claims. We already know the FDA rulings are based on bribery from the drug companies.

So I used to hear a lot from people, “I need to go to the doctor.” I’d ask why, and they’d say, “I really wish my appointment was sooner. I need those drugs so badly.” I don’t feel too sorry for these folks who have little understanding of what healing means.

I even know people who would rather be sick or in pain and stay that way just so they can get more drugs. They love it when they break a tooth because that means easy access fo painkillers. So when they go to the dentist, they’d rather take the pills for as long as possible and have little interest in getting their painful teeth pulled or fixed. The more medical maladies they get, the more they rejoice since this means easy access to the drugs they want so badly.

The same goes for so-called anxiety. I do believe that anxiety can be crippling and painful. Of course I do. Yet some folks would rather stay anxious, or, perhaps show their doctors that they are anxious and cannot manage their lives just to get drugs. They have no interest in other ways to deal with it simply because they need to stay anxious permanently to justify taking the drugs. It’s called “anxiety disorder.” Yes, I am well aware that there’s such thing as anxiety, but to call a normal human response, even an extreme response or crippling one a “disorder” is insulting Mother Nature who deliberately designed these reactions for our benefit. These folks who have love affairs with their disorders or use them as their identity would rather keep them so they can get drugs.

And yet all these folks look down on street drug addicts. They don’t even know there’s no difference.

What about the street drug addicts? It’s so sad that they are forcibly taken to “rehab,” where they get labeled, told they have permenent disorders, then given “legitimate” drugs. The justification is that these are “necessary” and “approved” and “prescribed.” Yet these drugs aren’t any safer, more likely more dangerous, and the problem is that now, the person is under the control of “doctor” and possibly the legal ho hum. I’d rather stay a street drug addict! The only drug rehab that has any usefulness is one that doesn’t assign psych labels and cause worse addictions, but instead, safely takes a person off drugs or alcohol and gives the person good advice as to how to remain clean and sober. A good rehab won’t keep you there forever nor kick you out suddenly, leaving you stranded, lost, or homeless.

I truly wish there were such thing as rehab for psych abuse. So many people suffer alone with this and feel there’s no answer. Truth is, there aren’t any government-sponsored programs or hospital-sponsored programs that help people abused in treatment and almost all trauma centers refuse to acknowledge that such abuse is even possible. Take a look at who funds these centers and you will get your answer.

Such a  place must be independent of government funding and independent of any of these money-making “hospitals.” I am skeptical of anything that receives goverment funding and would be more likely to trust a small nonprofit dependent only on private donations free of Big Pharma’s influence. The government isn’t, not anymore. I don’t understand why these so-called empowerment centers are whining about lack of goverment funds. It seems hypocritical to me. We need to think and act much more outside the box, in my opinion. Nothing mainstream is going to help very many people. The times they are a changin’.

So what can a person do if they are stuck on drugs and want to get off? I don’t know about these doctors that puff themselves up and charge insane fees to get a person off. To me, this is just another scam. I was shocked and dismayed to hear how much Peter Breggin charges. It’s so disappointing to hear this since I think he has such good ideas. Why do these otherwise terrific doctors charge anything at all? I lose all faith in them when I hear that they are literally ripping people off. Sad to say, this includes a lot, but not all, of the doctors currently writing for MIA. Why do they do this? Why assume such airs of self-importance?  If you want “doctor” that much to help you get off drugs, go to one that doesn’t charge an arm and a leg.

I believe a person should get off drugs responsibly, and if this means a slow taper, then I respect that. I also know people who love their insanely slow tapers, and after a while, I see through all that, too. They only want to stay in the System and cannot bear to leave it. Or their doctors want to keep them in so they can continue to “monitor” (control) the person.  There’s a fine line here, too. This is why self-controlled slow taper is undoubtedly a better idea.

People can be trusted and self-control their drugs more than doctors want to admit. Doctors aren’t as necessary as people think they are. It saddens me that in USA, doctors have so much power. It saddens me that on USA TV the mantra is drilled into people’s heads, that you can’t do a darned thing without “doctor” approval. If you follow orders, you are good. If you don’t, you are bad.  I know so many people that are paralyzed by this. They claim they can and should take these “needed” drugs since they follow “doctor” orders and never miss a dose or take more than prescribed. They think that since they stay within these guidelines, they aren’t addicts. I don’t believe that for a minute.

Sadly, there are folks that aren’t capable of taking drugs responsibly, if they are still on them. They cannot seem to control their intake themselves. I think if a person cannot take a drug responsibly, then the responsible thing to do is to not take any at all. Many know they have this self-regulation problem and wisely stay away.

People like me who break free from the System need to remain responsible and autonomous. This means doing for yourself as much as possible. We need to show the world that we are strong and don’t need shrinkage, not their drugs, not their programs, and not any of their personnel. I think we need to show shining examples not only of freedom from their “care,” but examples of responsible behavior in society, acting respectfully and honorably. It doesn’t mean dependency on yet more psych treatment by another name. Sadly, not everyone is ready for this. While we were in the System we learned dependency, and in that way, our growth was stunted. However, we need to be patient and gentle with those that cannot break out of the mold just yet. This will come in time, as more and more of us gain freedom.

Question: I have just left eating disorders “care.” Why am I now binge eating?

Hello! Wow, I have heard this question so frequently. I can’t necessarily say why this happens to every single person who has asked this question. However, I can suggest a few possible explanations as to why this happens so frequently.

Does eating disorders “care” really address binge eating?

I haven’t run the circuit of treatment centers, but from what I have seen, these places address two thing: 1. They restore weight by forceful means. 2. They try to stop you from throwing up by invading your privacy. That doesn’t exactly sound helpful to me. In fact, it sounds downright awful!

Maybe the whole time you were in there, you wondered if you would go back to binge eating upon leaving. This fear may have loomed in your mind the whole time. Since all discussion of binge eating is discouraged, you keep that fear to yourself. If this is your very first experience in lockup, maybe you are totally convinced you will never binge again, only to be find that big rude awakening following discharge. Sometimes, “staff,” who don’t truly understand eating disorders, might say, “Of course you won’t binge. You are recovered!” This might have totally convinced you that having been in this place magically makes you immune now. However, you know, deep in your mind, that the problem STILL hasn’t been addressed.

So if you purge, and they’ve addressed the throwing up, what’s going to happen when you get out and then binge? You are no longer on a “rewards” system for not purging. I’ll bet many who binge most likely revert right back to purging. Or you restrict all over again, and the ugly cycle comes right back.

Should prevention of purging be the focus, or prevention of bingeing?

Many people who purge tell me that if only they didn’t binge, they’d have no reason to purge. Others have told me that they don’t binge, but when they feel too full, the temptation to purge is very strong. From what I recall of “care,” they filled us up, often via tube feeding, until just about everyone felt bloated, then monitored us to ensure we didn’t throw up our food. This addressed nothing. We had no control over our situation. Many were dying to get that control back, no matter what. Some say that eating disorders are all about control, and there we were, controlled like robots.

Getting out is overwhelming because “treatment” is oppressive.

When you get out, or shall I say when I got out, I felt like I was in a world that had suddenly become too wide. Too bright. Too much space. I’d adjusted to the cramped environment and artificial light of the “unit.” Now, I was in this new thing, Freedom. I usually left dehydrated, so as soon as I could, I’d try to get fluids into myself. However, I also often binged. Was Freedom too much for me? That’s what my therapists claimed, stating that I couldn’t manage and therefore needed long-term lockup. But I knew that wasn’t true.

I binged because I’d been in an oppressive environment, literally a prison. Our bodies react to this. Many studies have been done on both humans and animals that have measured the effects of being behind locked doors. But do we need studies to prove what we already know?

Does the average “staff” even know just how destructive binge eating is?

I used to bite my pride and approach staff as discharge neared. I’d ask, “How do I stop myself from binge eating?” The response was generally to pass the buck, simply because the staff had no real solution to this. So they’d usually say, “Ask the nutritionist.” I’d wait for days to see this person and then finally ask. I asked a number of them. Their response? “Follow your meal plan.” Or, more often, “You should take that up with your outside treatment team.” If I ever said that these tactics never solved the problem in three decades, they’d shrug and say, “Then you aren’t trying hard enough.” Really? I found that remark insulting. I wanted so much to be free of ED!

I have clear memories of that first binge following release from lockup. I remember telling myself all the while, “This shouldn’t be happening. Aren’t I better now?” I’d ask what went wrong. I never came up with an answer. Afterward, I’d feel terribly sick.

Why do we see the “revolving door syndrome”?

I know many run right back to lockup. Have you ever done that? I remember seeing these patients come in. They looked ashamed, often hiding their faces or bodies and not saying much. I felt bad for them, the repeat offenders.  I’d hear things like, “I guess I wasn’t ready to leave before.” Is this true? Maybe. Maybe they were repeat offenders because the lockup joint failed them, again and again.

However, from what I recall, if they had no solution to binge eating, how did these facilities expect anyone to magically stop? This is one of the major ironies of such “care.” If you pick apart their logic, you will find this logic is flawed, to the point of being rather absurd.

Anorexia, jealousy, and inappropriate comments are a major factor.

I found it rather difficult to face the outside world because they’d put so much weight on me. Many people I knew that I saw in person gave me that “look,” that up-and-down look, checking out how much I’d gained. I’d hear, “You look so healthy now.”

I felt so ashamed hearing these comments, even if the intent was not to harm. I’d ask what was behind these comments, which frankly, are somewhat rude. I realize now that the jealousy factor is at play at times. Not always. But some people who have issues with their own weight might see you heavier and then take out their frustrations on you. They feel relieved to see you at a higher weight, but why? Are they truly caring about your health? Or do they feel relieved because you are not such a threat to them anymore?

Yes, a threat. Those of us who have been at a low weight become familiar with the envy factor. Some people feel challenged by us, even jealous. They might privately ask themselves, “Why can I not control my eating, while this anorexic person struggles to get every bite down? It’s unfair!”

When many of us leave, we look different, and we are often told to suck it up.

I remember going home from “care” feeling so ashamed. I always hoped the next few weeks were cold, so I could keep my body covered with a coat. I felt bloated and sick from “refeeding.” I wanted to avoid the looks I got, but it was hard because my face was still visible. My self-esteem dropped.

Meanwhile, I was terrified that I would binge. I felt like I was always looking over my shoulder with dread. I’d tried so hard to tell them in “treatment” that it was imperative that I lick the binge eating. I was scared that it would get so bad that I’d get suicidal. If I did binge and ended up back there, they refused to address the cause, simply because they had no clue how.

On and on and on and on.

For the most part, these expensive rehabs don’t really work, despite their claims.

So much of this lockup nonsense doesn’t work. Same with the expensive “residential” programs. They might look nice in their pamphlets and websites, but then you find out you can’t even go outside unsupervised, and the rules are rigid and illogical. You might find yourself STILL locked out of the bathroom, and that your basic human rights are taken away in residential, just like lockup all over again. But you feel guilty because someone is paying an arm and a leg and counting on your “recovery.” Whatever the hell that is.

Why do I binge in the first place?

In part, binge eating comes from stress, a physical body reaction. Another reason people binge is due to malnutrition or even a reaction to the standard water restriction imposed on patients. The diet I had to follow in there wasn’t at all healthy. I was force fed junk food, processed crap, and I was shamed if I didn’t finish everything. The whole time, I was dying to get out just so I could eat plain, healthy, whole, unprocessed delicious food. Never mind tube feed, which is loaded with hydrolyzed blah blah blah, cheap corn products, and other rather unhealthy stuff.

Perhaps we might not ask, “Why have I binged after treatment?” But, “How could it possibly be avoided?” Perhaps you were assured, “Of course, you are bingeing. It’s a sign of healing.” Some doctors and therapists poo-poo binge eating because they don’t know how to treat it. They don’t want to admit this, of course. They blame us, over and over. “You didn’t follow your treatment plan.”

No, the treatment plan was oppressive, and therefore, harmful.

“Mental health” is in fact a human rights issue.

The one thing no one needs is to be railroaded like cattle from group to group. No one needs to be told over and over that they aren’t the authority on their own bodies. No one needs the typical gaslighting you get from staff if you dare to speak out against the regime.  Treatment is a lose-lose situation.

We all deserve basic human rights. We need to find our own path.

These days, I am often asked how I solved my eating disorder rather quickly by ditching the meds and the lies force-fed to me in “therapy.” I can tell you it took a lot of experimentation. I found that no way is binge eating or restricting “poor coping.” It saddens me that so many people latch onto this lie like it is a given. It’s not even true.

We’ve already been through that for years. We’ve tried so, so hard to pinpoint just how poorly we cope. This basic false notion holds people back. Instead, see binge eating as YOUR BODY demanding food. Not just all food, but a particular nutrient, or handful of them. It is crying out to you. Have you listened to your body today?

Sadly, in “treatment,” every time we tune into your bodies, we are told, “That’s Ed speaking.” Well? It’s entirely your choice if you want to believe this, but I personally have never met this Ed. Show me the dude inside my head and I’ll show you mushy-looking brains. Nothing else.

There is no Ed. It’s a marketing ploy, like Santa Claus, designed to deny you what you need. It’s a way they control you. Ditch it.

You are you. All your thoughts are your thoughts. Own them and embrace them. Embrace your body. Your body is crying out for respect, dignity, and privacy that you have been denied for so long. Isn’t it time we demanded these very simple things?

So I am sitting here writing rather spontaneously. I am laughing because this stuff just comes out of me, for whatever reason, and usually, I end up leaving it just as is. For you. Because I truly want the best for you. Be happy. Live.