Words of wisdom by Rachel Ann Klein, a link, and my belief that Rachel’s death was suspicious

Here’s the link. Rachel commented on this article, and you can find her wonderful comment right below. She was an inspiration to so many people.

‘Our little songbird has flown the nest’

I am now remembering stuff about Rachel, a few things she told me and that I witnessed. I didn’t put two and two together, but now, I have more information about patient harm than I had before. I see her death as tragic.

She told me the following: She stated that she’d had a procedure or surgery done for ovarian cancer. She stated that something hadn’t gone right about the surgery. She said that due to medical error, her cancer, which could have easily been eradicated, wasn’t. She said whatever medical people were involved had caused her cancer to spread. And she added what I’ve come to learn about malpractice: The patient has no recourse.

The last time I saw Rachel was in 2013. I recall I visited her in her home in 2012. She and I were on the phone first and then she invited me to drop by. This is what I saw.

She sat at the far end of the room. She looked different. I realized she had no hair. Rachel apologized, explaining that she had her wig off. She said, “Some people get uncomfortable around me when I don’t wear it because a bald head reeks of cancer.” I told her it didn’t bother me in the least. She was finishing up some work on her laptop. Her service dog, Zoe, came to say hello to me.

Rachel finished up what she was doing. I told her that I was amazed at her apartment. “It’s beautiful!” I said.

Rachel told me I should apply for Section 8. I explained that already I was in my 50’s. Should I apply, the waiting list was now ten years. I didn’t want to say to her that I didn’t think I’d live that long. She knew what I meant, though.

I met Rachel through my church. It didn’t take long before she reached out to me. I recall one thing she said was that folks found it difficult to be friends with someone who has to face death at far too young an age. She knew I’d been in the mental health system just as she had been.

Rachel told me she used to deal with suicidal urges, so to her point of view, facing impending death meant a double-whammy. She told me she had a feeling I could relate to what she was saying. I told her that many people with eating disorders like myself come close to death due to low weight, dehydration, or other medical complication related to malnutrition. I told her that I had gone to bed at night so many times wondering if I was going to wake up alive in the morning.

May 23, 2014, Rachel died in her sleep. This has been a mystery to me ever since I heard the news. She was ten years younger than me. Why had this occurred? Was her death dismissed and forgotten about? Was there no investigation? People don’t die by magic.

Let no person’s voice ever go unheard. I know in my heart that this was a suspicious death and should have been thoroughly investigated. I personally need answers to this, knowing what I know.

I know more about malpractice now that I did before. A person who is victim of malpractice is often totally discredited. I’m sure that’s what happened to Rachel. Someone saw to it that she was made to look like a complainer, nothing more. Someone saw to it that people around her doubted her claims.

I know this, because that’s what happens to people who are victims of malpractice. Those who have been wronged get screwed. Rachel was intelligent and insightful and I personally believe what she told me. People who are victims of malpractice often are illegally denied medical care, and are lied to as a way to cover up wrongdoing. We think of it as blacklisting. She was flagged. Of course she was!

Rachel told me she still took cancer pills. Yet one day I recall she announced in church that she was cancer-free. Who told her this? Were her medical records fudged to hide wrongdoing? This is fairly standard procedure, to cover up the truth.

If the medical profession wanted to see to it that she believed she was cancer-free, then how did she acquire the cancer drugs? Were these prescribed or did she obtain them illegally? She told me she knew that cancer drugs killed noncancer cells as well as cancer cells. But if these powerful medical institutions were lying and covering up the truth, then maybe she knew she needed something, and took her problems into her own hands. Why? Because people who are denied care take care of themselves any way they can.

I agree that Rachel could be difficult at times. I know anyone who is victim of malpractice tends to be bitter for a long time. Of course she had no recourse, not only that, the doctors who were so scared of her (due to her awareness and intelligence) saw to it that she was screwed every time she tried to get medical care. She must have felt trapped, with no way out in sight.

It was difficult for Rachel to be tactful, and at times, she came on strong. Of course she had these problems! So many others who are abused end up angry, especially when they aren’t believed by most around them.

Rachel, if you can read this now, I want to let you know that you were one of the key people who helped me realize that Mental Health Care is a farce and a lie. I admired you so much, even when spats between us kept us from communicating. Right after I left the States, I wanted to call you. I never had the chance. You died ten days after the day I departed.

I don’t know what killed you, Rachel. I have always contended that it was lack of love.  Call it a broken heart if you wish. They should have believed you. They should have listened. May we all listen now, and hear your words. Rest in peace.

Reflections on being a member of a church

“Once a member, always a member.” “The door is always open.” I believed at the time I heard this that this was Gospel truth. Why? Cuz they said so. But it was a lie.

Oh, it does hold true for those they “like.” They didn’t like me. So I got the boot. I notice they took me off their membership list. I notice that just now.  I feel very sad.

I don’t know how to fathom this. I was never honored there. I was never asked to do anything for their church except give money. I had a lot to give but that was denied. I was kept off the greeters list.  I was told this was an “oversight.” But two years in a row? And no apology?  They denied that I had any human worth except what was in my bank account. Beyond that, they stressed silence and compliance.

I never spoke at Joys and Sorrows. Oh, once I did and was immediately put own for what I said. That it wasn’t a joy. Yep, that’s what she said. “That’s not a joy.” I had no clue what to say to that except originally I didn’t think the church believed in censorship. Clearly, they did.

A lot of people got put down for what they said at Joys and Sorrows. I began to notice the same people went up there again and again. I felt that to allow congregation members to speak aloud to the congregation was a good thing. Then, I guess the minister didn’t like giving up his absolute power, so he made restrictions on Joys and Sorrows. It was like a totalitarian regime.

They said they needed Chalice lighters on a certain date. I volunteered. I was happy to contribute something besides fucking money. But immediately, I could see the minister panicked. “Keep your word count down.  Remember it must be appropriate for children.” Wow, did he terrorize everyone in that manner when they did the reading for the Chalice? I was so insulted. And when I came to do it, they were ready with their “substitute.” I was suddenly painfully aware of the reality: I wasn’t wanted there. They were hoping I’d forgotten to show up.

Yep, they claimed to be welcoming. For the few. For the elite. For those that give money. But they routinely pushed out those they didn’t like or those they couldn’t get money from.

They’d do it in sinister ways. I’ve seen people belittled there. I’ve heard insults and discrimination. They claimed anyone could join a committee, but that wasn’t true. If someone they didn’t like joined, they’d gently push them off, convincing them to drop out and at the same time, making it look like there was no coercion.

At the time that I joined, I yearned for spiritual connection and community. I thought I’d found it. But that wasn’t true. I’d go to “feel good” church, come home, then spend the week in isolation. One member even ordered me, “Never contact me outside of church again.” So began the long list of Sunday Only friends.

I might as well have had “Facebook only friends.” Same deal. Don’t call me and don’t talk to me.  I believe you are worthless shit, but I want to add to my friends list so I’m including you. I’ll only come to you when I need something because I don’t value your company.

No, I wasn’t valued at church. I wasn’t loved. I tried so hard, but every Sunday I’d come home after church and cry all afternoon.

After I left Watertown, I noticed they were “allowing” letters to the editor in their monthly newsletter. But have i seen one letter “allowed” in? Nope. That, too, is domination, control of the press by the very few elite.

Yeah, they want more members. More members means more money. You bet that’s what they are thinking. But they didn’t keep me. Sorry, dudes. I don’t want to be valued for my bank account, money I didn’t even have, and then censored and silenced.

In my letter to the UUA in Boston I explained how the church had discriminated against Rachel Ann Klein, and others, too. I sent that letter at the end of December 2013, maybe over the turn of New Year’s, since I was alone as usual and had nothing better to do.

So it was two days after my birthday, nearly a year ago, that two church bigwigs came barging into my home accusing me of plotting to kill the minister. Seriously! They brought a cop with them.  I am not kidding! The two church bigwigs, especially the guy, were shaking all over, like they were scared of “dangerous” me, accusing me of having weapons. It was all speculation, completely unfounded. Based on my letter, which didn’t once state I intended to do anything violent to anyone.  To barge into my apartment building without ringing my bell was illegal, cop or no cop. They had no warrant, no evidence, and they admitted it was all a hunch. I challenged them, telling them they would NEVER do this kind of thing to a person who didn’t have a “diagnosis.” And then they said that all this was being kept secret, only one committee in the church had any knowledge that they were doing this.

I realize now why they didn’t let the rest of the congregation know. First of all, it was yet another act of discrimination. An inside job. Get rid of the unwanted by terrorizing me. Don’t tell anyone. That way, if I speak out, I’d be told by most that they’d never heard of this, and therefore, it had never happened. I’d be accused of being delusional. This left me defenseless and terrified.

I am speaking out now, loud and clear. There is no place in my life for being bullied by any individual nor institution. I won’t be a member of any group where I am not even valued, not wanted nor recognized.

I wish, after that incident, that I’d contacted Rachel Klein. No way would Rachel have called me delusional. She would have known the serious offense the church committed. She was demanding, too. She would have approached them I bet. She had guts. I guess they never liked that, nor appreciated how smart and insightful she was.

Was Rachel squelched by them, too? I’m sure they tried their darndest to silence her in some way. I’m sure she was fully aware of this. Aware people get killed, or bullied into committing suicide. Organizations such as that church only love those that have plenty of money and are silent and compliant. But I can only speculate, and I sure know the feeling of “Nobody loves me.” You bet I do.