Unreliability

Did my CBFS worker read my blog this morning?  That I know of, she doesn’t even know I keep this blog.  I don’t care one way or the other.  She was supposed to show up at 9.  It’s 9:30, and she’s not here.

So two weeks ago, she showed up, telling me she’d be here in a week.  Then a day or two later she called me and said, “Oh, by the way, I’m on vacation next week so I won’t be here, I’ll be there on the 18th.  I forgot to tell you.”

In other words, she suddenly decided to take a week off.  Now keep in mind she took off the entire month of December and much of January, claiming long-term sick leave.   Before that, she was calling me every other week, telling me she was not going to show up, that she was taking a sick day.  Am I supposed to believe this?  Is her mind really on her job, or on her ipod?

I don’t need CBFS.  I’m not homeless, and I don’t need services, but many people are living in the streets or in shelters or don’t know how to get by, and need services.  No one needs CBFS, because the people at CBFS don’t work.  Let’s get a service that works for people.

Today I am firing my CBFS (Community-Based Flexible Supports, DMH) worker

…because I do not need this service and because these people do nothing.

Yes, she’s very nice, but this service is for people who cannot do for themselves.  I make my own appointments, go to appointments, take my meds thank you, get dressed, am a law-abiding citizen, do not stink, do not go to a “program, do not belong in a “program,” do not have a representative payee or guardian, do not need a representative payee or guardian, the rent always gets paid, this place is clean, I do not vandalize, I do not sell or do illegal drugs or kill or kidnap babies.

So what the fuck do I need DMH services for?

These services were arranged by my therapist, my abusive, manipulative therapist that I fired a year ago.  Her devious intention was to eventually pull me out of my home and into either the state hospital (so she said over and over) or into a “group home,” and that’s why she got me these “services.”  However, these people, J first (whom I got rid of), and now E, have done nothing.

J was lazy and that’s why I fired her.  She did not show up half the time and her unreliability was a serious inconvenience to me.  I’d want to go to the library, and I’d have to wait for her to show, and she simply wouldn’t.  So all was well and good.  It was all kinda ridiculous cuz she’d come and ask me how to lose weight.

Now there’s E.  She at least shows up precisely on time. This is impressive to me, cuz no one in the world shows up on time.  However, I realize now that I do not need her.  Who is the one doing all the work?

I am the one who fired my therapist a year ago.  I have gone out and gotten all the housing applications.  She has come in with none.  I have researched and called all the new therapists and found every new contact myself.  I myself got on waiting lists.  I made every single appointment.  I did all my own transportation and never got a single ride from the CBFS people (except when I got “sectioned” to a useless hospitalization, based on the fact that I had severe edema in my ankles, by threatening to section me, which is playing it dirty, don’t you think?).  I have found practitioners myself and she has found none.  She has come in with no lists.  I have found the lists myself by using the Internet or making calls.

So what do I need her for?  Of course, I don’t need her.

I’ve asked her to look up things for me, thinking she had some magic list, but hey, this list is called a search engine and I’ve got it right here in the public domain.  There ain’t no magic CBFS list.

I thought she could help me with goals, but I’m finding that she has no magic skills for helping people set goals.  All she does is ask you what your goals are.    I find that I can work on my goals in other ways than by talking to her.  I can write. I even have goal-setting software I got for free.

I have a new therapist who is action-oriented (really, it’s about time!) so I’m not going to be sitting around in an office just talking about how miserable my life is, I’m actually going to be doing something about it.  He didn’t tell me this, I just figure that my life is going to change if I stick with him.  So this is the first step, or one of them.  Get rid of what I don’t need.