You may have noticed that I ended the It Notebook a while back. Or maybe you didn’t. I still get experience It sometimes. But the notebook is done with. Some of the notebook I haven’t copied over and published here yet. This I will do, probably in two entries–one for the remainder of the McLean papers, which are shorter and won’t take much effort to copy over onto a Word file and paste onto an entry–and the other for the entries I did at the community hospital I was in (I choose not to name the hospital) most of which were originally hand written to begin with because my Internet access was limited to maybe ten minutes to a half hour (a full hour if I was lucky) per day, or not at all. I did quite a bit of writing at the community hospital as this was the way that I healed myself. In fact, it was through writing that I was able to figure it all out, and to realize that I needed to move on, from working on suicidality to working on other issues: depression and sadness, It, and my eating disorder. And a few entries ago, I realized that it was a good time to end the It Notebook. As you can tell, I’ve still been writing here, quite a bit, but I’ve focused mainly on my eating disorder and not on It or on sadness. I’m not saying that this won’t change. After all, I’m seeing the neurologist next week, and I’ll be speaking with him quite a bit about It, and I’ll have a lot to say about It in here following that appointment! I haven’t a clue what he’ll say about It. No clue whatsoever. Is It a seizure? Is It a weird depression? Is It psychosis? Am I just making up It for attention? Am I just making up It so that I’ll have something interesting to write about in the It Notebook?
There was a another secret catalyst, though, that triggered me to end the It Notebook. I will share this with you in the coming weeks….
At some point, I will explain to you that the It Notebook is about something else besides what you think it’s about….Stay tuned….Actually, I only came to realize this recently….
I plan to write an Introduction to the It Notebook, as well as an Epilogue, or Afterward (I don’t know what I’ll choose to call it) which I will not share here. Although I started the It Notebook January 28th, four days after I left McLean Hospital, I choose to include the McLean Papers, because they are part of my history. I plan to include in the It Notebook my account of the Winter Classic 5k race I ran on December 19th, which precedes my relapse by two days, which will be the Prologue. I also will include some very brief journal entries that fill in the blank spaces. While I was writing the It Notebook, I had to transfer it from a 1″ notebook to a 1-1/2 inch notebook. That’s how many papers are in it!
My last entry was dated 3/28: What I Know Is True. Of course, I have written plenty since the end of the Notebook in this blog! So I actually kept the Notebook for two months. I printed out every entry. I shared parts of some of the entries with my T. She has never held the Notebook in her hands, though.
You, readers, have held the Notebook, in a way, in your hands. And meanwhile, I have continued to write here, and will continue, your hand in mine.
Well, not really. That just sounded good. My hands are both busy typing.