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Yes this is kind of a long episode. I feel very strongly about “Red Flagging” as you likely know. You probably also know I am not pro-Second Amendment. However, I’m starting to change my views.

Due to the scare tactics over so-called “mental illness,” and the way the laws are really stacked against us, I am now starting to go over to the other side. Now being pro-2A, as they call themselves, does not mean I want to go out and buy a “weapon.” Hardly. I just think that some people might want one. I am clueless as to the appeal, though. To me, they are nothing but ugly phallic symbols. I also think that some people who own them get a delusion of power and control that they don’t really have. Some of the principles the 2A crowd touts are insane, I mean, totally illogical. Still, I think these Red Flag laws need to be canned.

One of my professors at Emerson said his cousin became a cop. Once he got his gun, though, his entire personality changed for the worse, according to the prof. Of course, that’s only one story.

Having been Red Flagged (remember? in 2014…) I can tell you it’s a nightmare. You do not want this. Some of these laws are really vague and lead to false accusations that can wreck a person’s life. I wish I could somehow raise awareness of this.

Really sad

I’m trying not to be negative over the fact that I was scammed. I feel like I couldn’t possibly trust a publicist after what happened. But I don’t know how else I can get any book exposure. I feel so negative about it now. I guess it’s just the memory of getting This Hunger Is Secret published and then, the letdown of knowing my publisher (Chipmunka) did nothing to market the book. Nothing at all except put it on their website with about a thousand other books. At least. That is not marketing. I have horrible memories of begging my friends to buy the book, just to make it LOOK like it was selling. I can’t believe they refused. It felt like the worst betrayal. I did not like that Chipmunka priced the book way over some people’s price range. It just didn’t seem right. I still have copies sitting around.

If you ever want to totally lose all your faith in humanity, publish a book. Seriously. The rejection of a no-sale is terrible. You don’t want that. Don’t even bother unless you have at least 100 people lined up who PROMISE to purchase before the book even comes out. Maybe 25 will follow through….

I’m still working on Life After Lithium. It’s just that I am really down in the dumps over it now. Are there any honest publicists out there? Ones that actually get you book sales? Please let me know if you know of any that aren’t too expensive.

Cluttering should not be a mental disorder!

There’s so much media hype over “decluttering” as the in thing, or even “purging,” which is kinda like a bulimia metaphor that doesn’t quite work for me.

So is Marie Kondo that great? I think her decorating is damn ugly! And totally impractical!

People demean those they perceive as “clutterers” like it’s the latest sin. However, these hateful folks don’t take into account what the person’s occupation or hobbies are.

If you are a college student, you likely have a lot of books lying around. If you’re a writer I bet you have a bunch of manuscripts tucked away. If you work in an animal shelter, you may have adopted a few.

The idea of cluttering as a disorder is a culturally biased idea. It also doesn’t take into account that some people have very small living spaces. Sometimes, people who don’t have much money feel that they have to save stuff. The existence of this supposed “disorder” doesn’t take into account that some people might need a secondary income that involves having inventory, like an eBay store. I have a bunch of stuff in boxes for that! Or artists who accumulate paints and pencils. As far as hoarding food goes, some people get large quantities of food from food pantries. I think these accusers need to quit judging and start being a little kinder. And try to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, instead of labeling to make up for their own lack of capacity for compassion.

Regarding handouts

I got bashed on MIA by someone I consider to have a hefty chip on her shoulder and likely also some desire to wreck my reputation (judging by her past comments toward me). This is not something that will easily be repaired or remedied. I tried to get Steve to remove her comment but he wouldn’t because he said she did not use my name. Obviously her sarcasm was aimed at me, though. I am kinda sick of it.

The issue is handouts. Here’s my opinion about it…..

We were coerced onto disability, for the most part. Some were literally forced or put on it without even knowing it. I did not even fill out the forms myself. Gould Farm just told me they were “applying” and they did all the paperwork and never showed it to me. I doubt this was even legal. I could obviously read and write!

Some are damaged by drugs so badly that at least at first, they really can’t work. Damage such as Tardive Dyskinesia is one ailment that comes to mind that can actually worsen over time, even if you have stopped the drugs. I know a few who were working or attending college or trade school prior to ECT, but after ECT they could not work. Some end up with life-threatening diabetes from drugs or they can’t breathe without oxygen.

Many recover from drug damage and treatment-induced PTSD. Some do not.

What choice do some people have? No income, or just a little? They might feel that their only choice is to accept disability payments, with no realization that they might be stuck on them for life.

What many do not realize about disability payments is that the amount they get will be so low, they’ll be forced onto all kinds of subsidies, and often, HUD housing. They do not have any clue that these things are traps. Others are stuck in marriages or living with parents for financial reasons, knowing their meager checks won’t be enough to survive on.

I thought it was “great” not to have to work. I didn’t really want to, not out of laziness but because my prior work experiences were truly terrible. I was made into a sex object on the job. I was harassed and finally, assaulted by my boss. Why should I not believe that all work is like this? Another thing I had to face was not even being able to find a job in an area that was overrun with students. There was too much competition. Employers rejected me for all kinds of reasons, including the fact that I wore glasses. One insisted I get “contacts” because they wanted me prettier.  At one job interview, the interviewer made a pass at me. Was this the reality of the world of work? Would I be valued for my body only and now, would my brains be disregarded or even considered an impediment?

Going on disability seemed like a more desirable choice after all that. Oddly, I could never quite pinpoint what was so disabled about me, but I was happy to avoid the workplace.

I have read that I am not alone. I know people who got on disability after having a horrific workplace experience. One of my friends left after a change in leadership, and instead of realizing what needed changing, she blamed herself and her “mental illness.” Another friend went on disability because she couldn’t find a job in her field. Another accepted it after witnessing rampant misogyny. All this is encouraged by mental health professionals. We are told we’re “doing the right thing” and this is heavily enforced, when actually, we’re not.

If you are on disability, and then, forced onto every handout there is, it’s going to be much, much harder to break free. How will you get by without HUD if the disability check won’t cover rent in your area? If you work, you will either lose your housing, or your rent will go sky high. Therefore, not working is reinforced.

It is very difficult to  break free of the HUD trap. People I happen to know who hate living in HUD are still stuck there even though they are working. People who live in HUD also face hiring discrimination and profiling. Those complexes can also be violent or unsafe places. I know an awful lot of women who ended up in HUD simply due to getting the bad end of the stick in a divorce. One person I know ended up on Welfare simply because working and paying for childcare wasn’t going to be worth it.

This is what happens when you are out of the workforce for a lengthy time. You will lose your work etiquette and eventually lose your sense of work ethics.

When you have lost your work etiquette, you may not know how to address personnel who are in a higher rank than you are. You may goof by confiding too much in a coworker or even a customer or client. You may not have a good sense of boundaries since the MH system encourages bad boundary-setting. You may not know how to dress properly. You may overdress, or on the other extreme, come in looking sloppy. You may hug people inappropriately, which, depending, could get you into a lot of trouble.

It’s not your fault. We get trained this way in the mental health system. These bad habits are hard to unlearn. For instance, I didn’t know I was supposed to shake a person’s hand at the job interview. However, any hesitancy was going to show, wouldn’t it?

As for work ethics, some people do not understand the importance of showing up. They may show up late or not at all. This kind of thing could quickly get them fired. They have no understanding of leaving the house early, or of arriving early just to be on the safe side.

It won’t take long to learn these good habits. Sadly, many people just don’t want to try.

Another issue holding people back is fear, fear of the unknown, or fear of trying something new. The MH system makes sure to steal people’s confidence. Some people say that gaining confidence will cure any so-called mental illness. Is it true? I am not sure, but it can’t hurt you to become confident, after all. Most people labeled MI are very much lacking in it, whether on drugs or off.

Additions to Life After Lithium!

I am adding another recipe to the Recipes section of Life After Lithium! This is an anti-acidosis salad dressing recipe. If you use this salad dressing daily, you will not get the dreaded, life-threatening acidosis. I had acidosis from an issue with my blood that can easily happen to someone with kidney disease (CKD). I cannot begin to describe how scary that was. I was up all night in respiratory stress, knowing this was no panic attack at all, and wondering how much longer I would stay alive in that state. I was scared to death to call an ambulance, because I knew that doing so would lead to misdiagnosis. What could I do? Was this going to be it? Was I going to die in a few hours? As it turned out, I wanted to live badly enough to take the risk.

Of course, in addition to using this delicious salad dressing on fresh salad daily, I also recommend not eating meat, or eating it extremely sparingly. So I will be adding the recipe to the Appendix.

The other addition is an odd little chapter I’ve added toward the end of the book. If you recall correctly, I had one of those types of chapters in my book, This Hunger Is Secret. The chapter had nothing to do with the rest of the book and was tragic and dark. In the end, I realized it fit in perfectly and I knew I had made the right decision. I am not going to spoil it for you all, but this is similar, not quite as haunting, but I think you will like it.

My channel, Julie Mad Vlogger!

I am so happy to see some views of my shows! In a mere few days I have gotten more views on YouTube than I ever got the whole time I was on Binge. My goal is to get the word out! Here is one of my videos. You can see, I do not spare anything and my videos are decent quality. I use a special podcasting mic and special video editing software. These aren’t some amateurish films thrown together without a thought, but rather, they’re carefully planned and executed to give you the best experience possible!

Here, in this thumbnail, I’m referencing that famous “CV.” Enjoy!

Still feel terrific, a bundle of energy

Why is it that I have so much more energy than the average person my age? Likely, my mom gave me a great example of ageing. She did not let ageing bother her. She still climbed mountains well into her 80s. I don’t mean little hills, either. I think Mount Washington in New Hampshire was one of them. That is a two-day climb, by the way! She also rode her bike into her 80s. She was not a runner but I bet she could’ve if she tried. She told me once that she didn’t find it interesting. I remember for much of her life she either worked part-time or volunteered. She was active in NAMI toward the end of her life but I don’t know much about what she did. She gave money to many charities, including fake ones. She took care of Dad when she was about 70. She could still ski and do all sorts of winter sports then, too.

She and Dad taught us mountaineering. I thought of them, especially Mom, while climbing about the steepest City Steps I’d ever climbed here in Greater Pittsburgh. This wasn’t even stairs some of the time, but about the steepest incline you can imagine. Google thought it was a road and I followed it on the way to work today. I kept telling myself, on the way down, “You climbed up this, kid, time to climb down.” Because that’s kinda one of those common-sense laws of mountains. You go up, you’re doomed to go down. Down was harder, even though it was afternoon and light out. A guy on the bus told me, “Anyone who lives in _____ better have a great transmission!” Likely true.

I don’t get it. I found out my thyroid is very low and I learned that I needed to drastically increase the natural thyroid I’ve been taking. I did not feel any lack of energy at all during that time. I really need to get my thyroid back up because it has affected my cholesterol. I cannot believe I need such a high dose. I don’t feel any different really. I know if it were too high I’d feel racy or jumpy. I’d also have a rapid heartbeat or maybe palpitations. My BP is fine and my pulse is 66 just sitting here. That’s after the major increase. Maybe I just don’t metabolize this new brand very well. I’ll get it tested in a couple of weeks, that and cholesterol.

I wasn’t going to see that kidney doc again, but I changed my mind. I am working the day of the original appointment so we moved it to November. So I put if off, just like me of course. I’m going to milk him for information.

This is what I am thinking. You folks don’t realize this, but some people who refuse dialysis do what’s called “Conservative Management.” I have looked into this and it makes the most sense. But most people who do Conservative Management are in their 80s or 90s. The statistics are amazing for this population. These are generally people with multiple health issues. They are at the point where if they don’t do dialysis, life expectancy is 20 days at most. This is not what happens to these elders. All of them live far longer than expected, many eight months and counting when the study was concluding. So if that’s an elder who has multiple health problems, my expectation is that I’ll keep going for years. Why? Because I am a bundle of energy.

When I was at the dialysis center going to my appointment, I saw the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. I saw an ambulance transport bringing an elderly woman on a stretcher. So get this: She couldn’t walk. She couldn’t sit and get wheeled in a wheelchair, she appeared to be nonverbal, and they still brought her in for her forced torture session. Was this her wish, or her family’s wish, or coerced by her doctor? Isn’t that horrible? They still insisted on making a fortune off of her body. And this is abuse of a woman and abuse of an elder. Those places siphon money off the elderly. It’s Medicare, remember? If they have some kind of Gold supplementary plan, which they likely do, the places siphon even more. Elders have become money machines for pharma and the entirety of Western Med. It’s profitable to kill us as slowly and painfully as possible. We’re waste, remember? Leeches.

Not so fast. You call me a leech and I will prove you wrong. Because I am a bundle of energy.