Jim Flannery is a friend of mine. He is the one who produced this series. I am so excited to see this.
Some people, including Ms Davidov from Massachusetts, think that Breggin is doing us a disservice. I don’t think so. I’ve been listening fairly closely to the Breggin show. He does a couple of really unique things you don’t see other psychs doing.
First of all, he brings social justice causes to our attention and he’s on top of the latest political changes and “scientific” advances. If you ever heard it first anywhere (besides here…) then you’ll hear it on the Breggin show.
Secondly, Breggin speaks from experience and training, much of which was valid. He is a medical doctor and he tells us not only that the drugs are neurotoxins, but he’ll explain in medical terms exactly why. He’s also very good about drug withdrawal. This is a way professional training can be used in a way to boost authority.
I do NOT believe the authority of “therapists” who use their degrees to claim they have expertise. I do not validate their expertise on life. I do validate their lived experience, good and bad, as clinicians trying to work in a corrupt field. I don’t think they’re experts on human behavior. I don’t validate their textbook stereotype training, and I don’t validate their supposed “empathic” powers since patients have the exact same power. Just as well or better.
Very few psychs are like Breggin and the one who vouched for Marci Webber. That shrink was on the Breggin show. I believe she is in Wisconsin.
I have an alarm go off so I can remember to tune into the Breggin show. I hope you all will do so, too. 4pm. The station is http://prn.fm.
This is music to my ears…
Correlation does not mean causation, but people tend to be superstitious anyway. Say you won a dollar or two on a scratch ticket and all three times it happened on Wednesday. Does this mean Wednesday is your lucky day? Actually, yes. Luck is subjective enough so that any day could be called your lucky day. You are lucky. You get to define it.
The fact that antidepressants are associated with a shocking number of mass shootings, often school shootings, does not mean anti-d drugs caused it. But in my opinion, it’s darned alarming, don’t you think? We know that anti-d drugs can cause erratic, manic, or even paranoid behavior. Why aren’t they putting two and two together?
I just picked up a call at work. A guy was involved in a mass shooting at one of our stores. He called saying he was upset that the employees weren’t trained to deal with such things. This guy was amazing. I thought he was so composed that it was almost like he must be on drugs. But then when I started filling out the incident report, that’s when I could hear the trauma in his voice.
Why can I always hear it? Seems like others can’t. I always do. People misinterpret. They don’t understand that a person is traumatized, not a nutcase.
I have revived my website, http://nuthousenomore.com. Go check it out.
I’m so happy! Running rocks! Today I made up my mind I was going to the track instead of the gym, mainly because the weather is gorgeous here in Western PA. Crystal clear sky…50 this morning…just a little foggy…but that lifted quickly.
I was able to run to the track, partway. I noticed a had run a good .25 mile with no lung attack whatsoever, but I was going downhill, with gravity on my side. Still, I kept wondering why I wasn’t breathless or feeling like I had to stop.
At the track I immediately started off with a run. Today I brought water with me just in case. I couldn’t have gone without it but I’m scared at this point to go without it. I left my water bottle by the fence outside the track. Yes, it’s safe there. I love being the only one on the track. It really isn’t used that much considering what a fantastic resource it is.
I was able to run an entire lap, which comes to .25 of a mile. That is certainly progress over the .06 mile limit I had yesterday. I didn’t notice any lung or heart issues. I did not stop but went from a run to a brisk walk.
Now when I say run, it is really a very slow run, because right now I don’t want to push it. Just a little…not a lot.
I walked a half lap, then, I ran a lap and a half. That’s .375 of a mile. Again…progress. I noticed no lung issues either while running or while slowing to a brisk walk. I kept at it, running a full lap, then, walking a lap or half a lap. I’m not sure what my total was on the track…likely 2 miles but I didn’t count.
Then, I ran/walked home. I had to go up a steep hill. Two days ago I could not do this and had to stop on the hill several times to catch my breath. Yes, it was concerning because that’s not normal for me, first of all, and secondly, it’s not a very good sign health-wise. Today, though, I had no issues. None!
This is what I think happened. I think I ended up with edema in my lungs due to inactivity. I also think my heart wasn’t working right. I say this because while I was on the treadmill yesterday (I used to accurate one!) I noticed I couldn’t get my heart rate up very fast. It seemed to get stuck in the 90s and struggled to go fast enough as per my running speed, and that was exactly when the trouble started and I ended up gasping. So I think basically I needed to train my heart to do what hearts are supposed to do. As of today, I think I’m in the clear.
Yes, this kind of thing really makes you think about your own mortality. I told myself my life is in my hands and I can overcome this challenge…and it’s not even that hard because somehow, I have had an attitude flip.
This is what happens when you leave psychiatry, but it doesn’t happen right away. First there’s the grieving and anger part you have to get through, although I must say some people go through this worse than others. The thing is to get through it. I respect any and all methods for doing this! I think some people go through it earlier, while they are still in the System, and others go through it after they leave. Maybe it depends on circumstances. I am not sure.
I feel like I have some wonderful things in store for me. I keep saying that, and this keeps me going no matter what. While I was in psychiatry I didn’t have this ability, this future-orientation I now have, because psych kept telling me I was incapable, stupid, and lacked insight.
The very thought that I might not make it to 65 didn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to die in a few months or even in a year of something that I can actually prevent or stop.
I’m so proud of myself. I got very aggressive with the herbs that I use as diuretics, knowing that I needed to reduce the fluid level in my body. I started getting more mindful of how much water to drink and made sure to have it handy and not wait to get hydrated. Right now I am not too worried about protein but usually I am. I actually increased how much protein I was taking in. This was kinda instinctive, I must admit. I also ate a lot of berries (blueberries, strawberries, black raspberries, etc.). Since while I had my fracture and got my BP taken at the dr office and at the ER, I noticed I was using my BP meter wrong and my BP was actually high. I did not admit this to the docs but told them instead that “this isn’t normal for me. Likely it’s due to the level of pain I’m in.” Yeah, bullshit, but I didn’t want them thinking I had yet one more disease.
I have been taking herbs to lower my blood pressure, which also have been amazing to help me sleep. I have been making an herbal cocktail (sorry!) and drinking it as a smoothie periodically during the day. I have noticed that the smoothie is so helpful to help me sleep that I am going to keep it up.
I am now completely off pharma sleep aids. I can’t believe it! I did not “taper” as that wasn’t working for me. Rather, I concentrated on blood pressure and have managed to lower it, which in turn has improved my sleep dramatically.
I don’t think it takes much effort to become resilient. I think it happens naturally. I have seen it in others and I didn’t believe it was possible until it happened to me, too.
If you are struggling, know that you have something amazing ahead of you. I don’t want to promise something unattainable, which is likely what it seems like right now. It seemed that way for me, too. But I was wrong.
Today I went to the gym and told myself I’d do what I could on the treadmill. I found that whatever this thing is, it’s still happening, only it isn’t quite what I thought. I don’t have the problem upon exertion, but after I decide I’m tired and try to slow down. That is when suddenly I feel like I cannot breathe.
I didn’t know whether I should stop suddenly, which actually seemed more comfortable, than gradually cooling off. Then, I realized that cooling off is what I need. I only have to teach my heart and lungs how to do this properly. So I practiced, over and over again. I realized that my system had learned during the course of a treadmill run. Now, I can slow down without losing my breath. I’m not sure what climbing a hill will be like but I will find out soon enough. This area is very hilly indeed!
I say run, but really it wasn’t a run. I can’t run more than .06 miles at a time. Now that is about 1/2 of 1/10th of a mile. One lap around the track is 1/4 of a mile. I can’t do that. I can only do about 1/4 of a lap, then stop or slow down, then, run another .06 of a mile. I did better than yesterday, though. Tomorrow I will run either on the treadmill or on the track. I know in my heart that I have to do this to stay alive, or to get to a point where I’m not worried that I won’t.
This is one for Peter Breggin…..
Was she on anti-d pills? That apparently was not covered by the press.
Now as far as the abusive boyfriend is concerned, if it was narcissistic abuse, then that itself causes insanity. Being abused by a narcissist is not a mental illness, by the way! It is torture.
Even if she wasn’t on drugs, the very fact that this boyfriend was abusive, and especially, as the article states, emotionally abusive, then this could cause a person to act in a way that is antisocial. This may mean the person commits a crime. I truly believe that this sort of abuse can cause this type of behavior. It can make you look like you have a personality disorder. But you don’t. You just have to get away from the abuse.
I have myself been subject to this sort of abuse. My high school best friend. or shall I say, “best friend,” was emotionally abusive to me. I’d say narcissistic. Funny, though, if anyone out there knew me when I was in high school you would likely agree with that statement. Kate was narcissistic. This affected me for four years. During those years, I felt desperate to get away, desperate to do anything to end what was essentially torture.
I even considered suicide. That was during the darkest part of it all, junior year. I considered it because it would have been a way out. However, college was also a way out. I put up with it another year, and then, I was freed. Freed by college.
What next? I don’t think anyone in my life was narcissistic like that until I met Maria Mellano, LICSW, who was my therapist from 2010 until 2012. It was actually just over a year.
That woman was so abusive that it almost killed me. Her office was near a major subway station. I used to leave her office and then I felt like jumping in front of a train. I didn’t.
During that year that she was abusing me, I lost all my friends. I lost everything that year. Afterward, after you leave a narcissistic situation, you go through very bad grieving. I continued to lose friends during that time. 2012 was one of the worst years of my life. I’m lucky I survived it.
I was very lucky. If you have read this far, then you’re likely one of the people in my life who has stuck around, god only knows why, because I acted like a jerk when I was going through all this. The fact that I have had real people in my life means more to me than I can possibly say. The fact that real human beings still speak to me, still give me a chance after all that…
It is a testimony to the human spirit. I held on. You held on. We all do the best we can in this life. You didn’t give up on me and I didn’t give up on me, either.
I did not commit a crime. Due to narcissistic abuse, combined with an anti-d drug I took 2011-2012, I really could have. I didn’t. I didn’t even come close. I almost killed myself, though, which is the flip side of homicide, but that, too, is past tense now. Almost-killed-self is not dead. You’re either alive or you are dead. That’s really a black and white issue, unless you’re going to tell me about afterlife or about near-death-experiences, but I’m not going there right now. Alive or dead? I’m alive.
I am by all means okay now. I got over Maria, and I got over anti-d withdrawal. Isn’t that cool? I think so!
Being able to remember gives me the gift of hindsight. Hindsight, which is wisdom, is the flip side of trauma. If you choose to remember, which I do, you get the hindsight but you can also feel trauma from all this.
Pain, borne of trauma, is a gift. It is a gift that has given me strength and resilience to get through just about anything.
Remember the nightmare job experience I had working for the cyber school? It hurt like hell, but that, too, is a gift. I wrote an expose on the school and the agency that hired me out as a contract worker. I’m not sure when it will be published. I am waiting to hear back. I’m wondering if maybe they’re waiting for Back to School time. I’m not afraid to mention this because any asshole from that corrupt agency that has decided to read my blog most likely won’t get this far down in the article. I’m boring and all I talk about (nonstop) is antipsych. They don’t understand the link. They don’t have to. My readers will.
Pain is a gift. I broke my ankle on May 20th and the pain, the nature of it and the way it felt, told me the bone was broken. I survived the ER, and actually, given the bill I have now received, I wish I never went to the ER. Had I known, I would have waited through the night and gone to the nearest walk-in clinic. MedExpress would have charged me about $150 and that would have included x-rays and follow-up visits. The ER has charged me almost $300 for the doctor, about $150 for the x-rays, because they insisted on doing a CAT scan, and they charged me $3k for the ER, a “facilities fee” which I think is so bogus that I challenge it. Looks like I can get a fee reduction because legally, they have to offer it. Bet they hate that. While it’s very true that bankruptcy is often caused by medical bills, I wonder if people take advantage of “the system” or even know how.
My experience as MP was a gift (a heavy price to pay, though!) that taught me how to play the system. It taught me how to apply for every “benefit” in existence, simply because I had to do that to get by. Now, I don’t need most of those “benefits” but getting an ER fee waived? that one I’ll take.
In 2015, when I ran out of money, I became homeless, unable to find a habitable place to live that I could afford. I believe my credit score at that time took a dive to 500 or so. It has been almost four years since then. My credit score has been over 700 for a while, and I’ve been employed for well over a year. Actually, since technically as independent contractor, it counts for the full year, it will be two years now come January. And in January, I’ll have the tax records to prove it, which will look great to lenders. It’s hard to believe I’m looking at homes to purchase! I was looking before, I don’t know when it was, and at that time I suspended the search, feeling that I might want to relocate at some point. Now, though, I believe there is an upswing of available online jobs and likely also an increase in jobs in my area.
Certain people in my life are trying to discourage me, also urging me to get health insurance, but at this point I don’t believe it’s in MY best interest to have health insurance. Not having health insurance will protect me later on, because I won’t have coverage for a nursing home. See the motive here? No coverage = Freedom. Freedom of Mind is the most important freedom we have! I’d rather die alone than die in a nursing home. Even if it hurts. Because pain is a gift.
As for homeownership, I think certain people likely think I’m not capable of homeownership. It means a lot of responsibility. To me, responsibility is a joy, not a hassle. If I have a lot to do to keep up with the maintenance, so be it. It is something I welcome. Pain is a gift, as is hardship.
When I broke my ankle, it felt like it was almost too much. The pain itself was minimal. What felt like too much was the fact that for a while, I couldn’t find a dog walker. I broke my ankle Monday and I was in the ER on Tuesday in the wee hours. Friday I believe was when I found the dog walkers.
These folks were more than awesome. I knew Puzzle was in good hands with them. I also had one of the dog walkers take out my trash, which was a concern since I was not able to do this myself. I paid for two weeks of dog walking, and also, they took Puzzle to get groomed! I’m so happy! They did a perfect job!
I did natural medicine the whole time. On Wednesday I got a foot boot, but was told to keep off of my foot for now. After one week I was able to put weight on my bad foot, but only a little bit. That Friday, nearly two weeks afterward, I went and got more x-rays. They couldn’t even detect the ankle fracture anymore! They said I had sprained my foot, though. I got a cast at that point, which looked more like an Ace bandage but wasn’t. One week after I got the cast, I decided I was done with it. I took it off and was quite thankful because it turned out to be the right decision. (I have casting tape in case I ever need a cast again!).
The cast was just the right thing, although it occurs to me I could have used the ankle brace I had before when I had tendinitis. Gotta laugh…the cure for tendinitis was to stop wearing flip-flops!
I believe I developed something else, secondary to being sedentary now for nearly a month. I think I need to get back to vigorous exercise ASAP.
It started in the shower. I think humid air seems to make it worse, whatever it is, and I suspect it’s pulmonary edema. I feel rather normal most of the time, but something happened in the shower that was truly scary. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the air wasn’t right, or something inside wasn’t processing the air right. I had to get out of there. Thankfully, I was all done rinsing off anyway. It was scary because not having air IS scary! It didn’t get to the point where I was scared I’d die, but still, I just had to get out of that shower ASAP.
Last weekend I tried walking on the track near my home. It was a truly awesome experience. I wasn’t yet ready to run. I am indeed ready now! I walked two miles then, but it was hard. Then, twice this week, I walked two miles. The first time, on Sunday, I found it tough on my foot. Yesterday I walked to a five-and-dime nearby (really must call by the old-fashioned name…). That time, I had no pain and no difficulty walking!
Today, what happened, and keeps happening, was similar to the shower incident. I was walking up a steep hill and suddenly had to stop and catch my breath, but there was nothing to catch so I just stood there, stood still and waited for my body to recover. It did. Then, that kept happening every time I got to a steep hill. However, I learned that if I go slower, or stop periodically before it gets bad, I do not get that awful feeling that there’s no air. Later, I took Puzzle for a walk and broke into a run. The same thing happened after running a very short segment of a block. Ooops.
I stopped again, waited to recover, then walked a bit and then, decided that all this happened due to not running all this time. I cannot let the pulmonary edema continue. I am positive that I can run it off.
Last night, also, I kept getting up and feeling like something was wrong. I think I got up ten times, over and over, peeing, trying to poop, trying to do anything that will make this, whatever it is, stop. I also noticed my nose was stuffed up. If that happens again tonight, I have a way (natural medicine, of course) that will unstuff it.
Now there are a lot of people out there who need to know that staying active will keep you alive. Tomorrow, I’m headed to the gym. I’ll run as much as I can but obviously will stop whenever I have that breathing problem. I have checked out what could cause this and checked out also how to deal with it. I am also consulting my naturopath.
Please, please, please, stay active. You will be thankful later in life if you ever have a health condition (in my case, it’s caused by prescribed drugs!). I am thankful that I am an active person. If you are active you will recover faster and everything in your life will be better.
Now how fast did I recover from a fracture? Today is the 20th of June. One month from date of fracture to running.
This is how I am. Resilient. Give me a challenge, please, and I’ll beat it. If you want me to live forever, have a Western doc tell me every day that I’m about to die. If I really want some serious fun, have that person be an MH professional because they are the most fun of all to defy. Have them tell me I’m in denial and lack insight and I’m about to die if I don’t obey them. I’ll defy that and more.
Do you want resilience in your life? Do you want to bounce back from everything and feel like you are really, really strong? Feel great about being able to make your own decisions and like me, enjoy life’s responsibilities as an honor, not a drudge?
Just stay tuned. I will deliver…and I promise that.
After you successfully relocate, there may be certain times you need to see a doctor or even go to the ER. I had one of those times recently. Since a mental health diagnosis is not given by using a scientific test, what they do is to go by buzzwords. Here are some of them. Please feel free to add your own to this list, those you have observed to be buzz words.
Any mention of guns or any weapons.
Any mention of wanting to kill another person, even in jest.
Any mention of the words “death” or “suicide,” even in jest.
Mention of a recent death in the family.
Mention that you recently were pregnant.
Mention that anyone in your family has a mental health diagnosis.
Words such as “sad,” “grieving,” etc.
Mention of anger about anything at all.
Mention of “upset” over anything at all.
Mention that a friend or relative “doesn’t care.”
Any mention that you “don’t care” about any aspect of your health.
Any mention of failing to “self-care.”
In other words, even if you are in excruciating pain, don’t show that you’re the least bit unhappy. Smile and act happy even if the nurses are clearly uneducated.
Sadly, we can’t be ourselves around these assholes anymore. We have to act upbeat. It’s the only way to keep from getting the dreaded MH diagnoses back on our records.
Many of us choose not to see medical professionals if at all possible.
You would not believe what I am doing now, by the way……