Was the Virginia Beach shooter on psych drugs?

We don’t know yet. The reports are coming in about this one. He was an employee or former employee there, and had been for a long time. He’s dead. He killed 11 people.


Wait a while and follow the news. We will find out. When the public finally WAKES UP then the pharma companies will have hell to pay.

Incident at local credit union

This occurred a week ago. I was so shocked afterward that I did not know what to say or do.

As my regular readers know, I broke my ankle on Monday, May 20th, 2019. Afterward, I was barely able to get around at all. I was in a lot of pain. Suddenly, though, I realized the only way to get a bill paid on time would be to walk over to the CU and pay in person. It was not far away, a block or two, but this was going to be a major challenge for me given the amount of pain I was in.

Could I do it? I wasn’t sure. Had I known what would happen I certainly would have taken an Uber. However, we human beings can’t predict the future very well, can we?

As it turned out, I was only able to hop two inches forward at a time. The first few steps out my front door, into the street, and then, about five feet more toward my destination was not difficult. Then, after that, I was able to take one two-inch step at time and after each step I had to wait about 20 seconds for the pain to subside.

There were two places that were seriously hurting. Actually, three. One was my right hip joint because my body isn’t used to hopping with my entire weight only on one side. The other was my left knee, since holding my leg up was stressing it out. Remember, in addition to breaking my left ankle, both knees were smashed and bloody, and my entire face was smashed in, bloodying my mouth and chipping my two front upper teeth (much more than they already were!). My lip was swollen and I still have a lisp from all this. I did not look so great, but I had to pay a bill!

Even worse was my entire front core area. This was what hurt so badly I had to stop continuously. I believe I pulled something in there or damaged those muscles somehow from hopping around. This wasn’t a sharp pain but bad enough to make me winded and nauseous with every step.

Getting to the credit union also involved hopping up a steep hill, so steep I feared I would never make it all. I had to go even slower trying to get up it. Finally, I reached my destination. They did have a ramp. Doing the ramp took forever and the door was heavy to open.

I was obviously struggling and in a great deal of pain by the time I arrived. I made my deposit quickly and made sure it went through. I knew I couldn’t possibly make it back. What could I do?

I sat down outside the credit union for about a half hour hoping someone would offer me a ride. No one did. People walked by and acted varying degrees of friendly, but most ignored me and avoided looking at me.

I was a regular customer there. I used to go in all the time to get change for the bus. I had been a member for well over a year.

A woman who worked at the credit union came out and told me I had to leave. I don’t recall her exact words. She said I can’t stay out there begging people for rides.

I explained that I had not begged anyone. I said that the most I had said was “Hello” and I’d said that only one time. But the employee said that a customer said I’d begged for a ride.

Okay. So clearly, they believed him over me. At that point, there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t leave, either. I couldn’t go anywhere at all, and here I was, being profiled at the credit union where I am a member! I believe I was profiled based on appearance. Yes, I admit, I looked like a tramp but that was unavoidable at the time.

There were no Ubers in range. I called a cab and an hour and ten minutes later they hadn’t shown up. I summoned Uber again. He was 20 minutes away. That would do, wouldn’t it?

I was dying to get out of there. When the Uber arrived I was so relieved I almost cried.

I don’t want to walk in there ever again. What they did is sickening.

I don’t need that account there anymore anyway. I moved the various bill pays out of that account and into others. Now, I plan to close the account entirely. I plan to do this in person, after I am healed from this injury. It might be a while!

My plan is to go in there dressed up if weather will allow. I will wear something one might wear to a job interview. I will even put on makeup. I hope to speak to the person in charge, explain why I am closing the account.

Profiling based on appearance is wrong, period. I got enough of that when I was overweight. Sadly, this is a common human flaw. If a person is using a wheelchair. If a person has dark skin or is wearing attire that reveals they are Muslim. If they are speaking another language. Discrimination against someone who looks like they’ve been beat up is just as terrible as any other type of profiling.

As soon as I made up my mind I was going to close the account so that I would never, ever have to walk in there again I felt that the situation was resolved.

Dog walker and other wonderful things

I found the search for a dog walker immensely frustrating. I tried going to sites like rover.com and found that almost all of these sites require paying membership to contact their dog sitters. I am a paying member of a site where you can find a job such as “dog sitter” but in order to hire anyone off of there I have to pay for a second account. I also tried to contact a local dog sitter who advertises independently. She has not answered me and after three or four attempts, I gave up.

Calling local vets was more fruitful. I called the humane society and the local kennel club. Finally, I got an email back from someone. I also called the groomers I used for Puzzle recently. They are the ones I hired. All this took about ten days.

I was delighted when the dog walker came and also was also willing to take out a couple of bags of trash. I wasn’t sure if she would do that but she did! I still have more for her to take out today. Just two items.

Getting rid of all that junk in here has been a huge relief.  I have more room now to push myself around in the chair, which is how I get around. I am not sure how much longer it will take to heal my strained core muscles so that I can use the walker again. Meanwhile, my foot is also healing, but it’s not yet time to put weight on it.

Sleep is next to impossible when I can’t get my injured knees comfortable. I had an awful headache almost every night except last night. The night before last my head was hurting so badly that I resorted to a painkiller. I figured it would not work. Painkillers are generally ineffective on me. I am not sure if the painkiller worked this one time or if the headache went away on its own.

Digestion is another issue. I am never constipated since I’m normally active. Now I am totally sedentary and I can’t seem to digest food properly. It just sits there and doesn’t move. I have tried various tactics such as drinking water. That generally fills me up even worse and also refuses to move.

I am not sure of the solution except perhaps to avoid eating anything at all at night for now, and to realize that this isn’t going to last forever.

I start training very soon. Much of it I can do while lying in the recliner. I am looking forward to my paycheck which can’t come soon enough!



First order with Instacart and other goodies

I managed to dream up $35 worth of groceries to have delivered. These are arriving shortly. I used a similar service in Boston but it was insanely expensive. This service you can use by subscription (free delivery) or pay for each delivery. I still think it’s expensive, but it’ll do.

Yesterday I was plagued with hiccups. It’s been several days now and none of my usual tricks were working. Finally, I figured out that the cause is low sodium. Of course, I must avoid sodium, but in summer I also sweat it out a lot. None of my usual potassium tricks were working until I figured this all out.

I had some bread stuffed into the freezer and was not eating it because it’s too salty. I have eaten a couple of pieces of it (spread with my homemade hummus) and that seems to have stopped the hiccups. Finally!

So along with my Instacart order I have included some cheese and even some Pringles. Yes, I know, very decadent. Next time I need salt all I have to do is eat one or two chips. I do own some salt but have not broken into it yet. It is for guests.

My friends arrived a couple of days ago and brought me a rolling desk chair, a small one that fits in here. Now, I no longer have to hop, which is way too painful on my damaged core muscles. I still can’t leave the house, though, can’t walk from my door to an Uber even, and am hoping that I can get someone to help walk Puzzle very soon.

They also brought some Haagen Daz. I never realized how terrific that stuff is to help cool off on a hot summer day.

I am still hoping someone can take out the trash. I have so much of it. I have resorted to tossing it onto the porch. Not food trash, cardboard only.

I could use a fan, too. My good one is down in the basement and I can’t get at it.

I can only hope my foot heals very quickly so I don’t have to put up with this much longer. I can’t get out my door right now.  My home is about 400 sq feet, or maybe 450. I’ve already endured over a week of “homebound.” It is not easy to tolerate.

I think it is easier to put up with this than to put up with “locked ward,” though. How lucky I am indeed to have escaped all that!



Homemade granola! What a bomb!

I made myself a batch of homemade granola! I remember I made this when I was a kid, so I sorta remember the recipe. Here is how I did it:

Put some rolled oats into a bowl. Add a splash of oil (I used avocado oil) and also add some water. Stir, and also add a handful of nuts and pour in some sesame seeds. Mix very well. Put in a baking pan or cast iron fry pan. Now, bake at high heat, stirring occasionally, until done.

You can, of course, add cinnamon or other flavoring, or honey, or raisins. My concern is that the raisins could burn, or caramelize, so maybe you could add them later. I believe this could take up to 1/2 hour to cook properly.

More complications

I figured out why my core muscles hurt every time I take a step. I believe that I have torn something in there either during the fall a week ago, or shortly after that. I realized that I am only making things worse trying to ambulate in the walker. Instead, need to rest these muscles and let them heal.

I am now getting around by dragging myself in a chair along the floor. I am able to get around this way okay, not easily, though. It is faster than hobbling on the walker, but that’s not saying much. Hobbling on the walker was also very slow. Hobbling meant I moved one inch at a time and then, rested at least ten or 20 seconds until the pain subsided. The chair method is better.  Less painful.

Today, my friend and her husband are coming over to bring me a rolling chair that they happen to be able to spare. This will make life so much easier! I am hoping they can take out my trash also.

When the going gets rough, you find out, very quickly, who your friends are. Sadly, you also find out who isn’t your friend. I would never want to lean on friends and family constantly, of course. God forbid! All that vocabulary…”needy,” “dependent,” etc…I don’t ever want to be called that again!


Why social services makes us care less for one another

I think it must have been about 100 years ago that social services were first set up. I am not sure, but I think the first of these was the public school system. Schools took away children’s rights and the rights of families and communities to educate young people.

When we think of “elder services,” we may think of visiting nurses and aides, homemakers, vans for transportation, and the like, which are now paid for by insurance. We may think of retirement communities or nursing homes.

Families may feel immensely relieved, since caregiving is downright exhausting. Interestingly, caregiving is also isolating for the caregiver, which very few realize. Often, all the caregiving duties fall into the hands of one person only. People do not realize just how tiring, isolating, and frustrating this can get.

What happens next? A hundred years ago it would never have come to this. There was such thing, back then, in caring friends, family, and neighbors, some of whom can help out. If many help out, it’s not exhausting at all, because the work is divided and shared between all of them.

What the heck happened?

Somehow, they decided that elders and others need government-run “services.” This is supposedly the greatest thing ever. However, I do not think so. I think the presence of these services has caused people to care for each other less than ever before. Why? Caring is no longer necessary. For decades now, they have not had to care. Friends and family can safely turn their backs on those in need. The “services” will take care of it.

Could the presence of services cause elder neglect? I believe the presence of these services are in fact the cause of widespread lack of caring and disregard toward each other throughout the Westernized world.

What do you think?

Broken ankle…almost broke me, but didn’t

I’m not sure when it was that I figured out that the crutches they gave me in the ER were the wrong size. I guess I am impossibly short with no hope of ever growing taller! I wondered why they hurt and why it seemed nearly impossible to walk on them. They were already on the shortest adjustment, which, I note, is one inch taller than I am. I tried changing the handpieces around but that did not help. Another thing that bugged me about the crutches was that they did not stay put. I had to be very careful about where I leaned them, and even taking precautions to lean them in a way that they would not fall, they invariably crashed to the floor anyway. Picking them up is a huge nuisance.

I started to try to think up a solution and came up with one. I called a medical supply company and asked them if they had a walker in my size. When I broke my leg 20 years ago (from Risperdal, btw, which causes osteoporosis) I used a “junior” walker. This is for little people like me. So when I called the medical supply people I was able to describe, with ease, what I needed. They had one! They don’t deliver, though. I was about to cancel the sale, since there’s no way I can get there to pick it up and have no one I can send over there. They did deliver to me, though! One of the employees  was driving near here, anyway, so she dropped it off for me.

I was more thrilled than anything to receive this! They had already adjusted it for my height. It is actually the exact same walker I used way back when. I felt like a teenager with her first car! Finally, I can get out of the house and maybe walk down the street.

I tried to walk Puzzle. Tried. We went about a block. It was a good thing I turned around when I did. Although the walker does help with stability, everything hurt way too much to be doing this. I barely made it back.

Thursday I had my appointment with the podiatrist. I had to take an Uber to get there. Now that I had the walker I was able to walk from my front door to the Uber. I am able to do the stairs, also, if I back down them. I have to go back up on my butt, then, once I get the door open, slide myself on my butt over to a low stool, hoist myself up on the stool and then, pull myself to an upright position. None of this is easy using one leg.

The podiatrist appointment was about as expected, or perhaps, hoped for. No other bones are broken and it is healing very well. Already. I was hoping for a walking boot. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I got a boot, but I am still supposed to not put weight on it for another month. No walking.

The Uber drivers have been more than awesome. I could not ask for more! One of them even told me that his “day job” is helping physically handicapped adults. I knew I was in good hands. I was especially impressed that he knew just how much help to give, and did not push any more help on me than I wanted or needed. The cost of Uber is quickly adding up. However, it’s so exhausting to go out at all that I don’t think I’m going to be using them that much.

Two hours wearing that boot around and trying to hold my foot up was so trying on me that I realized I was going to have to make a change. Why did I even need a walking boot if I wasn’t going to be walking anytime soon? I made the decision to go back to the air cast, which is really a split. That worked! It is so much more comfortable! The boot was pulling down on my foot and causing too much stress. That boot is sitting in the bathroom, barely used. I also purchased a similar, but lighter weight one from Walmart and it’s being delivered. I doubt I will be able to use that, either, for quite some time.

Showering is not hard at all. I have totally mastered making coffee, though it’s complex trying to do it. I cooked a batch of dog food for Puzzle and made homemade, salt-free hummus for myself. I finally rinsed off the charcoal in my water filter one more time, and now, it filters much faster.

One of my challenges that I have yet to work out is to get stuff up from the basement. I have two rolling utility carts down there. Both will hold 20 lbs at least. I have a spare cot down there, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, two water bottles, and a metal stool I have used in the past as a monitor stand. And the most important item of all: My big fan! I need all this stuff, but I can’t get down to the basement!

What should I do? I wonder how much it’ll cost to hire someone to bring that stuff up for me. I would happily pay someone $20 to bring it up, and also, to take out my trash, which is rapidly accumulating in here. It doesn’t seem like I will be able to get down to anytime soon. My freezer is full of garbage and the trash can is rapidly filling up. I have had to move two big empty boxes to the front porch. I was hoping someone would steal them. I cannot move them any further than that.

Which items can I replace or duplicate, which ones can I do without, and which should I have brought up?

The big fan, I saw, was on sale at the dollar store for about $24. I don’t think anything similar is that inexpensive that I can mail order. I will need something, anything, to hold up my monitor for work. I think I do, indeed, have a piece across the room that will work. Am I able to slide it across the room, though? Likely. But that will be an exhausting project.

I decided to mail order a second window fan to keep me reasonably cool at night. I wasn’t sure if I could open my bedroom window with one leg, but I did it! I can’t do anything to my kitchen window at all at this point. Thankfully, I left it open, complete with the fan in there, the day of the fall.

People do not realize how hard it is to manage this. There have been days I have told myself I could not take it anymore. I don’t want to say anything to anyone. I don’t want to sound like a complainer.

When you use one leg only to keep yourself upright, you have to wear a very stable shoe on your good side. Thank goodness I’m a runner! I had to change to a lower insole. Even the one I am using seems to high. All my weight is on that one side and the strain is not only too much for me, but it hurts an awful lot. My foot hurts and also the socket hip joint is way too stressed out.

This is a lot of stress on my core muscles, also. They never have enough time to recover and I have this ache in my stomach muscles that nags at me, telling me I’m getting too much of a workout. Even after lying in bed for as long as possible, I am still not rested enough.

Last night, my foot and calf were so swollen I was actually scared. I could no longer wear the splint at all, and I could not slide on my flip-flop. The skin around my foot was so stretched that that, too, hurt. I hoped and hoped that if I forced myself to stay in bed all night, it would be okay by morning. It was!

Today, I am doing more herbal medicine to help all this. I have not taken Ibuprofen or any painkillers. I have taken Tylenol a couple of times for headaches, which have been frequent since I can’t sleep very well.

To get Puzzle out, I tie her leash to a piece of rope, then, tie the rope to a leash that goes around my waist. I don’t even have to step outside to do this, which is a relief since stepping out takes too much out of me! Sometimes, Puzzle will not go anywhere. She waits for me to come out with her. When I tell her I can’t, she sits and waits and waits. What a baby!

I think I need to hire a dog walker. Puzzle doesn’t seem to mind this odd arrangement, but still, I would like her to be able to go further than the front yard.

I am STILL saving money by not having health insurance. The biggest expenses are non-medical, after all. These expenses are due to inconvenience of having an injury and not being able to walk. Not having insurance means I won’t go whining to a doctor every time anything at all bugs me. Not having insurance means I solve my problems myself, which makes me stronger. Exhausted, but stronger.