Smart kid

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My comment:

I’m proud to say I was just like that when I was a kid. I’m proud that my parents taught me to question authority. That little girl is to be commended for standing up for herself. This is the kind of leader we need, not one who will go along with the rules just because they’re the rules, but one who challenges and demands justice.

My biggest fear sets me free

Oddly, during my usual morning puttering around, I have suddenly realized I have this fear that I do not recall having in my younger years. I think this is likely a result of being locked up multiple times in the past, and also, partially because of the changes in the world that have happened in the past decade or so.

I am afraid of permanence. Or maybe it could be called stuckness. I found a new term, which was supposed to be derogatory: “Job-hopping.” I don’t think it’s derogatory at all because the other word, the nicer one, is “freelancing.” In the relationship world, they might call it “sleeping around.” I don’t sleep around. I just don’t sleep with anyone!

I’ve been scared every time I’ve had to sign a year-long lease, terrified that the place will be uninhabitable. I am afraid to move for that reason, afraid I’ll end up with a bad landlord or bad neighbors.

The fear has served me well. I haven’t gotten into any abusive situations in a long time. Nothing that has trapped me in. I did not like the supervisor I had at the job I just left. I smelled trouble and made the decision to end it.

I am not afraid of change. I’m not afraid of drastic changes even. I welcome change. Other people like routine, like the idea of stability. To me, an ever-changing and evolving life seems far more desirable.

As far as I can tell, the one common trait among people who tend to be stuck is lack of money. They cannot relocate. They are stuck in places they hate or that are barely livable. Back in Boston I was in that situation. I remember very clearly having no options that were affordable, no alternative to public housing, and no way to relocated to another public housing due to ridiculously long waiting lists.

There are a number of public housing complexes near here, within walking distance actually (if you happen to like walking). The complex I’m thinking of is much the same as I recall in Boston. People go there and then they can’t get out of it. They hate it. It’s universal, in fact. I feel sorry for them. They have no options. Agreeably, you could have a decent life there if you play your cards right, but all it takes is a rotten neighbor you can’t escape from and you are then screwed.

I’m very afraid of that. I’m afraid to get to know my neighbors. I keep a safe distance from them, wave hello and act friendly, let them pet Puzzle but that is as far as it goes.

I feel sorry for people who are economically trapped in bad marriages. This must be a terrible situation! I can think of a few of these folks right now off the top of my head. I’m happy to be unmarried and uncommitted.

Of course, many are locked up in the physical sense. They’re in prisons or in mental hospitals.  What people do not realize is that these outpatient “programs” are also traps, as is therapy. I know people who are in prescription traps. Stuck going to a doctor because there is no other way to get the drugs they need or want.

Some people feel stuck in their bodies. They wish they had different bodies. They might feel their bodies limit them. Sometimes, this is a perceived phenomenon but it is very powerful.

I know people who live with chronic pain or some other problem that they wish they did not have. I wonder about the constant yearning these folks must feel.

Isolation is a trap also. Isolation begets further isolation. People I know who are isolated often get into these situations due to bad luck or bad circumstances. It is a mistake to assume they caused it themselves.

Certain kinds of trauma cause stuckness. If you had something very bad happen to you, oddly, people pull away and won’t speak to you. They become afraid because they don’t know what to say. They do the opposite of what you’d think they’d do. Other kinds of trauma such as breast cancer will pull in new friends by the dozen.

In the past I was stuck in relationships I couldn’t easily get out of. Sometimes the only thing binding me was fear of hurting the person’s feelings. This is a very strong bind indeed! I think it might be wise to keep yourself from telling a person that they are your only friend, even if it is true. My reasoning is that this statement puts too much of load on the other person.

What about marriage? I am likely to refuse such an arrangement. I can’t imagine being stuck with the same person for the long haul. The person might be great for a year or two, but people and circumstances can change or go stale. People who are married tell me just how great it is, but interestingly, a year or two or ten later, they’re divorced.

I’m okay with uncertainty and change. I’m happy to freelance or have a temp job. Stability comes with too much of a price to pay. I’m willing to tell an employer that I’ll stick around, but why stick around if it sucks? I’d rather say, “I’ll stick around so long as it doesn’t suck.” That’s a tough one, though, because many employers wants you to demand a commitment early on before you have any clue what the job will really be like.

Are you stuck? I think everyone is stuck in some ways as it is. Do you prefer change or stability? Or a little of both?

Thanks to those of you who downloaded the document

As I figure, I won’t be able to post the book here on my website. My hope is to have a separate, individual page for it. Thanks to those of you who tried out the “shopping cart” and have assured me that it works just fine. I found a company that will help me market the book. It took quite a bit of hunting around because some of these companies have written in the fine print, “It’s up to you to market your book.” Sad to say, I suck at selling anything and the one thing I want to pay money for is selling it to the public.

As for the book’s progress, I still have work to do. I have all the chapters now, but I need to revise a lot. I hope to have it out soon. I am still thinking of taking time off so that I can finish it.

Interesting, but flawed

I believe the statistics are accurate, but notice they didn’t go back before 2000. This is because they know darned well that “mental illness” barely existed in the 1960s, 1970s, and partway into the 1980s. Any of you who are my age can answer this. Did you know one single person with a mental illness during your childhood? Did  you know anyone on psych drugs? I did not. I did not know what mental illness was. I had never heard of psych drugs. When I went into the system I finally heard those terms, but then, we were a tiny minority. I think I had heard of one or two girls that had made suicide attempts, but they didn’t become mental patients. Nowadays, you do that, and you are doomed to a diagnosis. It really amazes me that these folks could pull the wool over people’s eyes like this. Back in the day (as we say) kids weren’t trading their psych drugs in the school yard. Any drugs they traded weren’t legal and weren’t sanctioned by a bogus field of medicine.

At the workplace where I just quit, kids, that is, young girls in their 20s, regularly discussed the drugs they were on, mostly anti-d drugs and amphetamines. I believe the two gals who sat near me traded theirs, but I’ll never know for sure. Since they didn’t know I had any  familiarity with what they were talking about, they excluded me from their discussions of psychiatric drugs.

This was unheard of when I started working and also barely talked about when I was in college. I’m sure if they got statistics from back in the 1970s we’d all see that mental illness, as diagnosed, is on the rise. Of course, they argue that more people were undiagnosed back then. This was likely a good thing, good for them, since they were free of the destruction that psychiatry causes.

Einstein Quote

“You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.”


You can’t solve drug side effects with more drugs. You can’t solve confusion caused by electroshock by shocking a person more. You can’t solve unsuccessful therapy by increasing frequency of therapy sessions. You cannot solve trauma caused by the mental health system with mental health “treatment.”

We do not need better hospitals or better doctors. This is a fallacy a lot of people assume is true, but it isn’t. A better doctor who is still practicing marginalizing and handicapping people with psych diagnoses doesn’t sound so much better to me. I think David Oaks is right. We need a revolution.

We need a personal revolution before we can achieve this in society. We need to strengthen ourselves. Change is right around the corner.

Didn’t we always know neurogenesis is alive and well?

Check out this article:

We knew that already, didn’t we? Adults CAN learn, and fully grown adults, including elders, can pick up and learn new skills. We can teach ourselves things, too. I believe my brain changed somewhat when I had my eyes operated on. I know I have developed new competencies since then. If people pay attention this idea could lessen the pervasive ageism in society considerably.

And of course, this is going to infuriate psychiatry. They think we cannot change and that we are permanently inferior, not that anyone ever is. Think again.


I have been depressed the past few days and I’m trying to figure out why. I thought at first that the things I am taking to help me sleep are actually causing it, but now I do not think so.

I am going back to my original thinking that this has to do with career, but it’s more than that. I was in the unique position of having one job that served the super wealthy, and having another job where people had credit scores generally under 600, even in the 400s.

I have never been super wealthy, but I did grow up in a town that has now become that way, Lexington, Massachusetts. I can’t remember anytime that my parents had financial trouble. I do recall there were times my dad was anticipating being transferred to another company location across the country. I also recall my mom was very thrifty even though we may not have had to be. I am grateful that she was that way, because I feel I learned a valuable lesson, even at a young age.

I think I am kinda suffering from a bit of trauma over my supervisor at the job I just quit, now that I have a short distance from that place. She was really, really bossy! It took getting away for me to realize that work was only fun when she wasn’t around. I know I was at a disadvantage sitting so close to her. I could have asked for a seat change or a supervisor change. It had gotten to the point that I wasn’t going to go to them to ask a question, because if I did, I’d get berated for some nitpicky thing, anything they could think of. Once I went to my supervisor because of a concern I had over a caller, a human concern out of compassion, and she silenced me and told me, “Get back to work.”

I have to think about this, though. For one thing, I imagine most workplaces are incredibly oppressive. I do not for one minute believe that just because most workplaces are oppressive that this justifies oppression and exploitation of workers. It doesn’t! I cannot accept, “That’s the way it is.” I think these oppressive workplaces need to change or close down. I feel sorry for the people who still work there. They do lose their best people, which was an observation I overheard one day from supervisor gossip (I heard them gossip all the time!).

This has certainly been an example of bad leadership. When I left I told myself if I were supervisor, I would know how not to act!

There’s a word for people who only stay a short time on the job. Job-hoppers. I don’t blame them, though. Likely they’d stay if they were treated well and paid well, wouldn’t they? Aren’t they wise to quit before it gets any worse? That’s how I felt leaving this job, that it was never going to improve and I needed to leave out of self-preservation.

Lack of any intellectual challenge also turned me off. I wanted more responsibility and more challenging work than just reading from a script, and being threatened over veering away from that script, even if doing so is the logical thing to do.

I have increased my hours at my home job and now I think I will be making more money. My home job pays more, a lot more, and the work isn’t bad, just not really in my field. They’ve said there was chance for advancement but I do not know a single person who was advanced, nor have I heard of anyone.

It was hard dealing with the contrast between rich and poor, also. The rich seemed much more spoiled overall. I had very nice customers at both jobs.

I have come to the conclusion that money is very important. Its importance increases exponentially when you do not have it. Hand a rich person ten dollars and they might shrug it off. Hand a poor person ten dollars and they’ll hug you and thank you, because now, she can buy groceries or diapers. This isn’t universally true, but is often true enough.

For instance, I waived fees for my poor customers, saving them ten dollars or even close to $40 and they’d thank me like I was an angel from Heaven. The richer customers couldn’t even keep track of what they spent. I had numerous callers who didn’t realize they’d purchased a super expensive dress, and then, totally forgotten about it.

Money matters when you do not have it. Certain people who tell me they don’t need money, but when you look at their situations, they have money already, so no, they don’t need more money, but they’re not in the poorhouse, either.

Some people cannot pay their bills, especially when interest and fees get so high that “catching up” seems like a remote dream. This isn’t laziness. It’s going to be your fate and likely, bad luck caused it, not bad morals.

I don’t really know anyone who ended up in the poorhouse due to bad morals or laziness.  I knew a guy who was chronically homeless and I realized that he had a history of not paying his bills. However, when I examined the situation up close, I knew that this wasn’t lack of responsibility at all. The drugs he was on, prescribed to him, caused him to lapse in judgement to the point where I was very worried. There were days he couldn’t put a sentence together, and honestly I do not know how he survived the streets.

When times are tough, raw instinct kicks in. You might do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do, only because your body craves survival.

I have had callers on the phone who have cried over a fee, cried because they can’t pay their bills, cried over our policies that sadly, we had to follow, and screamed at us, insisting we make exception for them.

The wealthier callers also cried at times, but they did this over trivial things, such as a luxury gift arriving late. They often screamed at us for things that were totally out of our control. No amount of telling them we can’t do anything within our ability to change what cannot be changed, they would keep at it over and over.

Is this really a matter of rich vs poor? Actually, yes, this time, the dichotomy is too glaring to ignore. I’m not at all saying poor people are better people, nor am I saying all rich people are greedy. That would be an ignorant thing to conclude. However, it’s truly difficult to deal with the huge economic disparity all around me.

I also find it difficult to deal with power disparity. That supervisor exploited her position. Yes, we do need leaders, but we don’t need people who boss us around like we’re disposable things.

I suspect she had some quota to fill. Maybe the higherups were pressuring her to get her numbers up, and likely, she took it out on the workers closer to her (myself and a couple of coworkers) which was truly cruel and unnecessary.

It does indeed happen from the top down. I’m saying the top of the power structure shouldn’t be so top, and the bottom should not be treated like dirt.

If I had my way, power disparities would be obliterated. People would see each other as equals, equally valuable human beings. The human side of workplaces shouldn’t be sacrificed for “rules” that are either useless or arbitrarily enforced. There shouldn’t be such a huge pay disparity and all people should have decent, clean and warm housing that allows for peace and quiet, and adequate privacy. That isn’t happening, though.

Best ever Quackwatch rebuttal

I never did trust Quackwatch, even when I was a brainwashed mental patient. Here is an awesome rebuttal I found:

Best of all is the comment that Barrett never says anything about bogus or harmful pharmaceuticals.

Did you guys know that Gas-X has been proven to be completely ineffective? Why the hell is it on the market? Because people will buy it. The company is likely making a ton off of it. Still.

To sell on Amazon, or to not?

Amazon is a great place to sell, but what if you do not like the way they do business? I am thinking of selling my book elsewhere, but I’m not sure about visibility. I know as a fact that they treat their workers very badly. There were some serious human rights concerns in the UK. I have a friend who worked for them who confirms that ethics are lacking in the management.

I am looking into publishing alternatives. I have discovered two of these that interest me. I compared the two and decided that one of them is likely more suitable for my needs. I want to make Life After Lithium available in as many parts of the world as possible, for the lowest price I can sell it for. I am aiming for larger distribution and lower cost for readers.