I don’t understand why the courts do not realize that Conrad Roy was abusing Michelle. They don’t understand that the fact that he constantly threatened suicide WAS abuse! She was terrified, never mind drugged, too. He manipulated her, threatened her, and controlled her life.
If you have a friend who says to you, “If you don’t do what I say, I will commit suicide,” then that IS abuse! Any form of this is abuse.
Here are some examples:
“If you move away, I’ll be so lonely I’ll kill myself.”
“If you dare date others, I’ll stick this knife into my wrist.”
“You’re leaving me? Then I have no choice but to do something very drastic.”
“You are making me so unhappy. I’m going to go pout.”
And so on.
These are all narcissistic abuse. They are not exact quotes from Conrad, but I read enough to realize what was happening.
Looking back on my own life, I remember when I was being abused by my best friend (supposed) in high school. She said stuff like this all the time, constantly trying to control my social life and restrict it to only her. You can see other examples of Destructive Teen Relationships on You-Tube. There’s a whole series on these terrible relationships and they say it’s more common than anyone realizes.
The victims talk about what it was like. Most are able to leave unscathed, but some were left with trauma over the incident. This type of abuse does not discriminate and anyone can end up in such a relationship. Most who got roped into abuse were not aware of the red flags. Ignorance or lack of education is not a mental disorder, but a sign that people need to be told this stuff.
After narcissistic abuse there’s a recovery period. If you know anyone subject to this, please be patient with the person because the recovery period can be very rocky.
In a lot of these instances, the parent or school system had to get involved to protect the victim. In the instance of Michelle Carter, I question why her counselors did not help her out. She was seeing them, so wasn’t it their responsibility to act? No, they drugged her! Being an abuse victim isn’t a mental illness. I believe she sent those texts in a state of utter desperation, seeing this as a way out of abuse.
If Kate had committed suicide during high school I would have secretly been relieved. I did not even consider this during that time. I did consider killing myself but dismissed this as an undesirable last resort. I considered running away very seriously. I also considered faking a suicide attempt because back then I figured a hospital would be a good place and they’d get me out of the relationship. I am awfully glad that did not happen, as I was wrong about just how “good” those places are.
Instead, I encouraged her to attend a college far away, more than halfway across the country. At one point she was about to chicken out and wanted to attend the same college with me, even become my roommate. Oh no! I was so terrified! At that point, I told her, “Yeah, but think of that nice white powder skiing!” That got her wanting to go to Utah again. Thank god!
After all these years (she and I are both 61 now) I believe she figured this out, too. I think eventually she realized that I very deliberately got away from her. Does she admit this to herself? Or to anyone? I don’t know.
At least we lived through it. I’m not sure about others, though, whose path she crossed, since she reveled in control and power. Do people change? They can, and do. Did she? I do not know.