Addendum

At the end of Mike Adams’ diatribe, he quotes Louis Farrakhan as saying “America is like a rotting carcass and the Jews are living off the carcass….” Actually, that wasn’t Farrakhan. That was Tom Metzger. I did my homework. While Metzger might have some association with Farrakhan, Farrakhan himself did not say that. Geez, Adams, if you’re going to quote someone, and if you’re going to get that many page views, get your facts right.

Aftermath of Pittsburgh Synagogue shooting

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/10/29/he-is-not-welcome-here-thousands-support-pittsburgh-jewish-l

I am in concurrence here. Another great article by the Wash Post. I have joined the organization, Bend the Arc, and happily signed their statement asking Trump to stay out of our beautiful city. This organization is a membership of “Progressive Jews” who believe in the value and dignity of all human beings.

Here is the link to Bend the Arc: https://www.bendthearc.us/

They do seem to support “Democrats.” I’m not so sure the Democratic party is necessarily the side to be on. I don’t think this is a left vs right problem. I think hatred against labeled people, whether the label is race, ethnicity, gender, or that you think the person is inferior in some way, runs deeper than this party or that party. Both parties are guilty of exclusion, snobbery, classism, fat phobia, ageism, and so on. All those isms we don’t want to think about. The Republicans are guilty for sure. It’s just that the Dems are less likely to admit it.

Just yesterday Mike Adams of Natural News released the following statement: https://www.brighteon.com/5854551733001

Don’t even bother listening to the entire video. You might want to skip to the end, though, or to the last 20 minutes where he gets kinda preachy, which is way off topic to say the least. I feel that he does have good intentions. However, I do not “agree” with Mike Adams. I put agree in quotation marks here. It’s not that I agree or disagree with Mike Adams. His logic isn’t there for the most part. If you listen to the beginning and into the first 20 minutes or so, you’ll hear the skewed logic typical of Adams. You’ll hear mostly generalizations that are reflective of gross short-sightedness. Much of what he says about Judaism simply isn’t true or reveals his ignorance of Jewish culture and of our history.

He equates “Israel” with “Judaism.” These are not the same. Many Jews do not agree with Israeli politics. Some do.  We are on all sides of the fence when it comes to Middle Eastern politics. Has he ever been to a real bona fide synagogue? If he were to show up, goy that he is, he would hear us arguing over Israel. That was my childhood. Mom and Dad invited other couples over for mini-parties. Late at night they argued endlessly, and that, in effect, lengthened the Six Day War to more like Six Years.

Mike Adams also generalizes about the Left. He claims that “Trump-haters,” all Trump-haters, are against freedom of speech. I am not a Trump-hater. I don’t like the idea of hating human beings. I don’t hate my ex-shrink and I do not believe she is “evil.” I don’t believe there is such a thing as “evil people.” I don’t believe people become “possessed” with the devil and I don’t believe there’s a devil named “ED” that possesses young, vulnerable patients (ED being the treatment-invented acronym for “eating disorder,” just another way to brainwash young people into obeying!).

I do know that psychiatry is corrupt because of psychiatry’s ties with the pharmaceutical companies, because the DSM is not scientific and was not written in a scientific or organized manner (money and pharma-driven) and also, I know that psychiatry’s clout in the courts based on opinion only is not valid and should be struck down. The fact that psychiatry’s “patients” are often unwilling and have to be forced, coerced, or have to have information withheld from them to get them to comply is further reason to know that psychiatry is a corrupt practice. I am also concerned that the cure rate is so low, quality of life for many victims of psychiatry is pitiful, and the death rate is shockingly high.

Do I hate my ex-shrink? No. She fell for it.  I fell for it. We all fell for it, didn’t we? I don’t think we should be turning our anger toward a human being. Let’s just turn the tide. If that means getting Trump out of office, let’s get Trump out of office without hating him as a human being. I don’t think he is evil, simply because I don’t believe any human is evil.

Let’s look at that statement. “You are evil.” This is the kind of thing a child might say. That is how kids think. If an adult says it, that adult is likely traumatized or possibly just getting over being pissed off. Adults resort to kid thinking when they are traumatized or pissed.

When you think about it, is any human truly evil? There are people who didn’t have very good childhoods or had a bad time growing up, or fell into the wrong crowd and maybe developed bad habits or skewed values. Are they truly evil, or is there an issue with their sense of morals or their education or the fact that they continue to break the law or hurt others? These folks can learn better habits, can they not? I believe so.

Is someone who litters “evil”? Is a smoker “evil”? What about a person who  eats meat? What about a person who uses swear words? What about an atheist? A person who is a Christian? A non-Christian? A Jehovah’s Witness? A Muslim? Do you see what I am getting at? Depending on context, I have heard all of the above and more called “evil” at various times in various social situations. I have heard other words used, such as “heretics,” and so on.

Is a racist evil? I don’t think so. I had a friend who was racist. A couple of friends. Decades ago I had this really good friend who suddenly started talking racist. I was shocked. I had never heard her say stuff like that before. Was she drunk? High? Actually, I think she was on psych drugs, which may have caused it, but at the time I didn’t consider this. This was over the phone. I pretended it was a bad connection. I said, “What?” just to make sure I heard her right. Yes, I had heard her right.

Yikes! What now? As it turned out the decision was made for me. We parted ways for another reason. She ended up getting busy so we barely communicated after that. I was relieved!

Did I think my beloved friend was evil? No! Had she turned evil? No! What had happened? Now, of course, in hindsight, I’m fairly sure the drugs had something to do with it. I don’t think it was “bad upbringing.” It might have been her new boyfriend swaying her to think that way. Love, or what we think is love, can mess badly with our heads.

On the other hand, I had a brand new friend around 2012 who turned out to say some flagrantly racist things in a conversation and after I heard that I saw no reason to continue the relationship so I immediately ended it. Was he evil? No, just a very ignorant person and unpleasant to be around.

I don’t think Trump is evil. I don’t think he should be in office, though. He is not doing a good job. My neighbor, and possibly your neighbor, could do better. How about Mister Rogers? He’s from Pittsburgh! If he were still with us I think he would do great. If I were working in the presidential HR office I would surely fire Trump. Only I am not sure how to fire anyone. Having been fired in the past I’m afraid I’d be too nice about it.

People at my workplace get routine threats weekly. We get these auto-generated notices saying that if we don’t shape up, we’re outa there. Does Trump get these threats? “If you don’t stop those idiotic Tweets, you’re going to have to back to the unemployment line.” Likely not.

I have always believed in Freedom of Speech. I have never felt that Freedom of Speech meant that I welcome racist speech, antisemitic speech, and DSM-loving speech, since the DSM is a book touting eugenics. To me, Freedom of Speech means I am free to tell my story, to say what happened to me when I was a patient without retaliation, without being told I am delusional and that it never happened, without being told “Time’s up!” because the listener doesn’t like what I am saying, and without being told, “That isn’t very important” or being accused of having a “persecution complex.” Do people not realize the hard time I have gone through because I chose to blow the whistle? Either way, all of these nasty things people say are means of silencing. All are ways of countering Freedom of Speech.

There’s a flip side to Freedom of Speech. Apparently it can be taken too far, and has been. Moderators on forums deal with this all the time. I am glad I am not a moderator!

One more thing. I don’t like it when shooters are called “deranged.” Is anyone “deranged”? Many school shooters are just suffering from the effects of drugs, either on drugs or in withdrawal. Most don’t even know they are suffering withdrawal from these drugs. Often they’re in withdrawal from SSRI antidepressants, which can last for a very long time. Their families do not know and when these young people are autopsied there are no SSRI drugs in their bodies but their brain cells are still not yet recovered from the drugs. We know that many take a long time to get over SSRI drugs (we know this from people who are alive to tell the story). In fact, according to data just about every school shooter was on SSRI drugs. There’s a letter circulating around that’s right now being sent to Ben Carey, a prominent journalist. Those affected by psych drugs are hoping he gets this written up into one of the major papers.

No, I am not saying these drugs are evil. I’m not going to make similar sweeping generalizations to what Mike Adams makes and make a fool of myself. I am not saying they don’t help some people. I am saying that just about all school shooters were on these drugs. Please take note.

Freedom of Speech also means please don’t put words into my mouth. Please don’t re-word what I have said and then, draw false conclusions about character defects I may or may not have. I didn’t say “all drugs are evil.” Re-wording what a person says and subsequently drawing false conclusions means you have not properly read what I wrote and you’ve formed an opinion of me based on your own biases. Mike Adams might have said that all drugs are evil, but I don’t endorse Mike Adams. I did not say “Everything Mike Adams says is incorrect,” either. Be careful what you accuse me of saying.

I won’t call anyone deranged. I will not call an antisemite deranged either. I feel that calling a human being deranged is not logical, but calling their ideas “deranged” or possibly “antisocial” might be more appropriate. (Yes I know the Scientologists use the word “evil” a lot!) But I will not call a human being “deranged.” You can, but I will not.

Freedom of Speech means I reserve the right to use a word, or to refrain from using that word. Freedom of Speech also means I have the right to think, believe, hope, or dream anything I want, or to remain still.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t you guys think the doc should do some time for the Sweet Tomatoes Crash?

Here is the article:

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2018/10/29/jury-sweet-tomatoes-fatal-crash-due-resume/KvbzuFzDc1lkGVAoQoJs9J/story.html

I know people with MS. Likely if you are over 50, as I am, you do, too. MS messes with your cognition.  What does this mean? Please, those who have had ECT (electoshock) kindly chime in here because when I say “cognitive” I mean cognitive. When your thinking is messed up by a brain injury such as ECT or something like MS that does a number on how your neurons work, then how are you supposed to think clearly enough to tell yourself, “I think I shouldn’t be driving anymore.” Or perhaps, “I think I should not drive today.” Or maybe, “These drugs given to me for my MS make my thinking so cloudy that….”

When your thinking is cloudy, you cannot tell yourself this. You can’t see the clouds themselves. You know something is wrong. You very well may make desperate attempts to communicate this with others. Likely, though, your cloudy thoughts will skew your ability to properly inform others of your dire condition.

I think it was the doctor’s job to make sense of all this. The doc was aware that Caslin had MS. He knew that MS causes cognitive issues. He knew that Caslin should not be driving. But the doc was playing the nice guy, wasn’t he? He was doing it to keep his customer. 

I do nice things to keep the ratings up, too. Why? If my ratings drop, I lose my job. It’s a rough world out there for all of us. Still, the doc should share in all this. Why send a physically sick guy to prison?

Why I lost respect for the Foundation for Excellence in MH “Care”

I don’t even bother reading their newsy newsletters anymore.  I have completely lost interest in this pro-psychiatry organization. Gina Nikkel showed up at the ISEPP conference saying, “We have plenty of money, please apply for a grant with us!” I have never applied for a grant with them. What I did ask for was if they’d let me put an article about http://forcedpsychiatry.com in their newsletter. Jessica, who runs their newsletter, did not reply. I wrote back again. Then she flat out refused.

I wrote back and asked her why she was refusing. She said that my organization “was not run by an expert.” Really? This is a literary venture. Why does my MFA in Creative Writing not enough expertise? Or does she think I cheated in college? Does she assume I must be delusional that I earned my degree? That must be it! Couldn’t be possible!

Then, to insult me further, she went on to say, “Why don’t you contribute an article on what you are really an expert on, your lived experience?” I was so insulted that I think I will unsubscribe and tell her exactly why. 

To top it off, MIA has repeatedly told me they must limit each survivor to four articles because they are so, so overrun with submissions. If their inboxes are overflowing, why didn’t they publish any survivor stories this week? Of course, they don’t actually limit all survivors to four, in case you all haven’t noticed, only the ones they feel like silencing.

There are plenty of fish in the pond. I just need to find those fish.

Http://forcedpsychiatry.com may very well not be dead after all. I found someone who can increase page views for me. The “tell your friends” method does very little to increase page views unless you have wealthy friends who use Facebook a lot. Rather than give up I am paying someone to do this work for me.  I wish I had known about this when I was selling a book. It would have saved the book, too, and the embarrassment that followed.

Second thoughts

I had plans to quit my job but now I am having second thoughts about the second jobs I have gotten myself into. I signed the contract for one of them. Right away I received an email stating, “Sorry folks. No work for a while. This is unusual, as you know.” Don’t you think this is a Red Flag?

When I was a kid I was hired as a CIT, which stands for Counselor-in-Training. We were supposed to be paid. After I was hired and after my arrival in training, they casually informed us, “Sorry, you aren’t going to be paid for this.” They didn’t offer us the opportunity to quit. Sorry, folks. No pay. None of us quit. I was 14 years old.

So this editing job looks like it very well may not pan out. It may mean so much unpaid time is spent checking email and no time spent that is paid time that it isn’t worth it to be committed to them any longer. I am not sure. I am not sure how long I want to stay hanging onto their promises of income when I know it won’t ever amount to very much.

This other job I am signed up for (signed contract and paid into) looks like it’s not really quite the field I want to be in after all. Almost. Not quite. This one that I signed up for caters to the rich. I dislike that idea immensely now that I work for a retailer that sells dresses worth $2,000 that I wouldn’t dream of buying. For the few.

Another thing. I was at my orientation yesterday. Right in front of us, the guy doing the orientation pulled up an account. Had he screened us? Even had us fill out applications? Done crim background checks? Anything? We could have been anyone off the street, and there he was, pulling up private customer info right in front of us. Private medical stuff, private accounts, private password info, listing of which accounts he had, where he banked….and so on. Yep, real professional security there. He had opened up listings of real clients, who are private people, right in front of us! Yes, the credit card info was xed out. But still……. Then, get this: The other person on the call asked if data can be copied and pasted off that page! Ummm……… So this was such a turnoff that I wondered if I should stay or go.

In the process of trying to figure out logistics I accidentally bumped into  an entirely different company (a competitor) and realized that  I wanted to hire someone from there to do a small task for me. Then I realized that I, too, could sign up for this company to do similar freelance work on the same platform. I think I would be happier with this other company because they don’t market to the wealthy. Their prices are much lower. They are affordable and reasonable. I think I signed up for the wrong platform, folks. So? I think I need to reconsider.

 

ACTIVE SHOOTER near Shul in Pittsburgh on Shabbat!

The shooter was either at the synagogue, near the synagogue, or even inside. They have him in custody already. I think I read that eight people are dead and three officers have also been shot. The newspapers described the neighborhood as “tree-lined.” Interesting. Not, “A bunch of storefronts with homeless people out front.” Not, “A maze of concrete.” Not, “A huge, impersonal mall.”  Tree-lined. Doesn’t that sound wealthy to you? It does. And is. Squirrel Hill is known to be one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Pittsburgh. I don’t know why wealth is associated with being Jewish. Also, why is being wealthy and Jewish associated with greed and dishonesty? I think that association reflects antisemitism.

Some people associate being wealthy with greed. I used to. I still associate wealth with snobbery. I shouldn’t. I was born into a family that had money and I as soon as I got to college I felt very guilty about how I had been raised. I felt guilty for having been born into privilege. I deliberately wore sloppy clothes to make myself look “poor.” I used sloppy grammar.

This shooting has ended up being national news at this point. The president has gotten involved, of course, by Tweet. The National Defamation League has chimed in. This is considered a hate crime.

Why aren’t crimes against diagnosed people (such as abuse while inpatient) considered hate crimes? Why, instead, is this called “treatment” and why is it rationalized away? Why is the crime called ECT rationalized and called “lifesaving” when it clearly isn’t? Yes it does kill people!  A shooter who kills people anytime is going to go to prison. A mass shooter who kills 10-20 people is considered a grand scale shooter. If a medical institution loses 50 people to overdrugging that they then lies about it and covers up, and uses bad medical procedures such as ECT it’s not murder, it’s still “care.” And they’re paid, paid handsomely and upheld as “great.”

I’m not supposed to be writing on the Sabbath! I do, however. I write every day. I write because to me, writing is living. I am also at work because I’m a bad Jew. Anyway, this is terrible, likely an act of antisemitism, but we do not know yet. Right close to home here. The neighborhood is known to be a Jewish neighborhood. One of the Squirrel Hill supermarkets even has a Kosher section! This is unheard of anywhere else in the entire region. (Psst: this is at the Market Basket!). Likely also Whole Paycheck in Shadyside (okay, okay, Whole Foods…) has a Kosher section, but I will not set foot in that snob store. I only went to Market Basket one time and was overwhelmed by the shiny, icky, flashy feel to it so I never returned.

Either way, Squirrel Hill is near Shadyside and all part of the Oakland area of Pittsburgh. If you know where Pitt is (U of Pittsburgh), the surrounding area is called Oakland. Oakland and the whole area around Frick Park is overrun with students. Squirrel Hill is somewhat set apart as are some of the outlying areas over there, such as East Pittsburgh, Wilkinsburg, Homewood, and so on. I’ve only been to Squirrel Hill a couple of times. It looks surprisingly like Long Island, which may be dismaying to some, and refreshing to others. Shadyside also resembles Long Island. To me, the Long Islands and the student areas are like foreign cities. I can’t get used to being there.

I am a bad Jew, but Jewish nonetheless. I think my parents were smart because they avoided names like Chava or Miriam for me. That would have been a giveaway. My great grandfather (or was it great great?) Anglicized our last name. I believe someone documented his reasoning on this. He wanted to be American. Did it work? I doubt doing that obliterated his accent, or wiped out his memory of the Old World.

Changing your name accomplishes many great things, even though the act has its limitations. Name-changing has been a symbol throughout history. Naming, the act of giving a word to something, is sacred in Judaism, something attributed to God. In fact, when parents name their children they are said to take on the power of God within them to do such a thing. Only temporarily.

Now think on that one. When a doctor declares you BIPOLAR, he gives you a powerful name. This is an act that should only be done by a god, not by man. And yet the doctor has done this. He has forever altered what you are called.

Who calls this, calls you.

When a Native child goes out into the wilderness during the Coming of Age, this is called the Spirit Journey by some. Usually only taken on by boy children but sometimes also by girls. The child comes back knowing his new name. I have friends who went on such journeys. One of them kept his new name and never went back to his legal name. (No, it wasn’t something weird. Just another regular-sounding name. That was how I knew him.) In the 60s these journeys were often enhanced by drugs such as mushrooms or LSD.

When my great (maybe great great) grandfather journeyed to the New World, which wasn’t very new but new to him, he took on a new language and a new nationality. I suppose he didn’t want a Jewish-Hungarian-German-sounding name anymore.  He took on an Anglo-sounding one instead, and made it his. Naming is sacred. Now he was a new person. A Jew in exile, able to hide in this new land.

That name, the one that symbolized the exile and hidden heritage and all those memories, eventually became mine.

Every day an Orthodox Jewish man thanks God he is not born a woman. Every day a psych survivor thanks God (or whomever) that she is not still in the nuthouse. I thank God every day I didn’t die (yet) of the drugs they gave me.

How about you?

 

ECT LAWSUIT WON…In case you haven’t heard…..

The story broke last night. I literally cried when I heard and wrote to the attorney, David Karen, JD, and thanked him. What a victory this is.

HUGE BREAKTHROUGH IN LAWSUITS AGAINST ELECTROCONVULSIVE THERAPY (ECT) MANUFACTURERS

And how much do they pay Kitty Dukakis et al? Well, that’s for another day, is it not? Might be good money to do something like that. Maybe if we look ’round the help wanted ads, places like Craigslist, we might find something like…

“Did you ever take Zyprexa and find it beneficial? We’d like to hear from you! Would you like to be on TV? Send an email to us at Lilly and we’ll get you started on your way to fame and fortune!”

Of course, they’ll supply you with a year’s worth of syringes and insulin to keep you alive while you work for the scumbags.

How much DO they pay the poster children? What slimy business this is…..

 

 

Article on serious social media addiction…..

Wow this woman is really hooked….

https://hbr.org/2018/10/i-ran-4-experiments-to-break-my-social-media-addiction-heres-what-worked

Yikes. Have any of you been that hooked? I rarely leave the house with my phone, except on long bus rides and when I take it with me to go running in airplane mode and listen to music. Why in airplane mode? How can anyone listen to music while being interrupted by incoming texts? That is annoying while I am running. Why would anyone ever dream of texting while running? (Oh…because they’re nuts! Or dreaming!) So what’s the point of Wifi in the gym? Maybe for people who don’t go there to work out. I don’t even look at my phone anymore. Who wants to strain to look at tiny print? Since when is that fun? I often let the battery run dead, which might not be a very good idea if I’m expecting my future boss to call “any minute now.”

Except I have a landline for that. Please, dear future boss, ring me up. The lines are open.

No Facebook. No LinkedIn. No PinInterest. No Instagram. Looks like they’re finally getting rid of Google+, that privacy invader, once and for all.

Are people really that addicted? This is sad. They can’t even tear themselves away from it. Yes I work at a computer, but “computer” isn’t the same as “social media.” You can work at a computer all day and not even interact socially. You can read a book at a computer with an internet connection. You can write a book at a computer, again without an internet connection. You can work on a computer program. You can take one apart or put one together. And so on. My job doesn’t use social media. We have our own platforms built for us by major software companies. Yes I interact with people through those platforms (a softphone, for one), people taking on the role of “customers,” but it’s not Facebook and it’s not web-like and you do not “friend” people on it. They call us and they ask questions or demand a refund or whatever. Sometimes I send emails to my customers, answering their questions and explaining things such as “Your package is on its way!” This isn’t addiction. It is my job, for which I am paid. That computer, supplied by my employer, is shut off right now because it’s my day off.

It saddens me that people think Facebook friends are their friends. Guess we all learned that lesson a while back, didn’t we? I hope so.

This is what life was supposed to be like if I hadn’t been side-tracked

Today I have two meetings, two essential things I have to do. These two are rigid, fixed things I can’t alter, while the other things I have to do, or shall I say, want to do, I could move around to suit me. I have a meeting tonight which is with other people, a pre-planned meeting. Since I don’t know these folks, I am not going to trouble myself with a long bus ride or any type of investment of time or money when I know they very well might not show up or cancel at the last minute. Time is precious, isn’t it? Telephone meetings are best when the others might cancel on me!

I also have a job interview today, this afternoon. This came as a surprise. I put in eight job applications over about a 24-hour period, Thursday to Friday last week, but I had forgotten about a ninth application. When I discovered #9 (logged in under a different email address) I realized I might want to keep that as a possibility. Then I researched that company and quickly had second thoughts. I found a similar company that pays more and seems to be structured more soundly. Suddenly, I have an interview with company #10 today.

Both of these things are over the phone and scheduled. The rest I can move around. I might go running today, likely at the gym this time since I am headed in that direction anyway. Did I tell you all that at the race this past weekend I won in my age category?

Now I told you. That course was not official and not chip-timed. I suspect it wasn’t properly measured in distance since my timing wasn’t realistically what I could possibly have done. They said it was just over 30 minutes. Even under the most ideal conditions it isn’t possible for me to run 5k that fast. These were rocky conditions, mostly trail running and very hilly, sometimes rocky, sometimes muddy. It sure did not even feel like 5k since the course was so scenic and it all flew by so fast. Very nice people, too!

I would like to purchase kerosene again (stock up) since I have this feeling the HVAC guy isn’t going to show until January or not at all. Maybe I need to nag the management people before the pipes freeze.

Tomorrow I have to work at my usual customer service/retail position. I am still at that job, but I plan to quit very soon. I do not have a quit date set. Maybe after this interview I will have one set! I need to write down my questions for the interviewer and ask myself realistically how long it’ll take to replace the income I am currently receiving given there’s a lag between working and getting paid. This means the work I do at my current job, say, at the end of September I get paid for Oct 16, and the work I did through the 15th of October I get paid for on November 1. I have a bit of money saved that I can liquidate in an emergency, but it had better be dire. Being unemployed isn’t dire enough. Veterinary care that will save Puzzle’s life? Yeah, that’s dire. In that case, everything goes about as liquid as the Ohio River in springtime.

Gee, at least I didn’t say, “As liquid as a Haldol injection.”

How life has changed.

 

Here’s a good question, which experience and wisdom can answer

Do I go with a higher-paying job, or do I go with a lower-paying job that might be more satisfying?

Let’s look at the factors here…..

My current job pays well, but why I am leaving? We deal with constant threats. When I say threats, what do I mean, precisely? We were told a few weeks back that they loved us sooooo much that they were asking us to work more hours. No, they didn’t give us a pay bonus, but increasing our hours and extending/replacing our contract. This was a sneaky little way to keep us from quitting just when many of us were seeking other positions, and also to ensure they kept us through the holidays. About two weeks later, possibly less than that, we all got emails telling us that if we didn’t shape up, we’d be canned. Removed. Even though you all know I’ve reworded this to add a bit of humor, that’s what they said. Canned. It IS a threat. “If you do not to this, we’ll do that.” Do I really want an employer like that?

It’s unpleasant, to say the least. I don’t like having to worry about losing my job all the time, though often I think these are nothing but empty fluff to scare us into shaping up. I’m never sure and I am very tired of second-guessing them. It’s a bad habit we’ve gotten into due to their own bad habit of failure to communicate honestly, consistently and respectfully with us as a group. Supervisor turnover is atrocious, which doesn’t help matters.

Do I want another job that is only going to turn out like this? Or…do I want a lower-paying job where I get to take initiative? I think I have found one and the pay isn’t bad. I will get over $10 and I get to make my own hours. I will find out soon if I am accepted. I have decided that this job is my #1 choice of jobs due to the lack of stringent rules, lots of flexibility, choices that I get to make (more than just choosing my own hours), and no “metrics” to meet. I’m not sure if it’s contract or freelance. Either way, I think the freer life is for me, not this kiss-butt-to-the-boss life I have lived the past few months.

If I love my job I can work more hours because I will enjoy the work more. It won’t feel like so much pressure and it won’t feel so annoying or like a Catch-22 because I have to rush customers off the phone.

I put in eight job applications Thurs to Fri, and there are about six hanging on from the past month. I only care about two now. The boss-driven ones can fall off the planet now for all I care. They can take their 401k. I do not care. I’m old enough now to know better. We’ve all lived on less to know now.