I promised myself I will break every promise I make to myself

It is important to me to keep the commitments I make to other people, but if I promise something to myself I see no reason for pure stubbornness for the sake of stubbornness. I promised myself I would stop applying for jobs because failure sucks so much. However, I applied for one more today. Yes it is going to suck, and I hope they do not respond and get my hopes up, because that sucks worse. I hope they ignore my application so this one dies young. Straight to the shitpile. But likely they won’t. They’ll contact me. Get my hopes up.

This is what I am hoping for…against all odds. NO SKYPE. Yep, no Skype. Skype reveals not only my age, even though by all means I look far younger than I am, but it gives away what a klutz I am. I can sound professional over the phone, or fake it that I am when put forth the effort. But when I am on Skype I squint because I can’t see, and it’s obvious.

I wonder if I can weasel my way out of Skype and tell them I would prefer a phone interview. Like maybe if they want to schedule one, ask if phone is an option, without giving a reason. If the position is remote, why would it matter if we’re using phone or Skype?

Last time, I was on Skype and I think the interviewer could see that I was squinting to see the screen. I didn’t say that in real life, I use extensions to help me see. I knew I’d be able to do this once I got going. I told him, “I will need time to acquaint myself with the interface, and I am sure that I will be able to master it.” I suspect that he saw me squinting like that and maybe had a closed mind after that, not realizing that indeed I would figure out a way to get used to it. Plus many  people out there assume older people aren’t very smart nor capable.

So again I am applying, hoping…which I hate. I assume they won’t even contact me even though I made the CV look like “recent college grad” which in fact I am. What excuses can you guys think of to weasel out of Skype? I can’t say my internet is out nor my equipment doesn’t work because I have to have working equipment for the job itself.

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