This is weird. I woke up with my front toe hurting. I was laughing because of the entry I had just written about attributing normal life to “drug withdrawal.” I remembered my patient days and recalled attributing normal life to “mental illness symptoms.” What now?
I took Puzzle out, limping somewhat, laughing my fool head off at all the crazy explanations we patients had, and still have, for normal life. We catastrophize because we were trained to do so, and because social media supports catastrophizing. “It must be arthritis!” Oh please. Relax. What next?
“It’s from trauma from being psychiatrized. Trauma shows up all over the body.” Again, I’m tired of this one. Therapists used to do this to excuse all our aches and pains, a few of which were legitimate. They wanted to therapize everything as mental illness, basically. While trauma might show up for sure, not in a hurting toe. I think that’s far-fetched.
I wondered why on earth it was hurting and realized it had started from when I got up. Did Puzzle sleep on it funny? This is possible. But then it started to get worse and I realized that if Puzzle had slept on it funny, the pain would have worked itself out in a half hour. However, it just got worse and worse.
I remember now. It is a bruise. I was cleaning up my living room yesterday and I was not wearing the best footwear. At some point I dropped my wallet on my foot. I hadn’t actually recalled which toe it landed on. It DID hurt! A wallet does not weigh very much (especially if you are broke like me!) but I had stuffed a bunch of (unregistered) store loyalty cards into it so it was heavier than it usually is. Still, it’s not like I dropped a brick on my foot. I think it hit at a bad angle somehow and what I am feeling is nothing at all serious but a slight bruise.
Have you ever dropped a hairbrush on your bare foot? Did it hurt like hell? Now you know what I am talking about. Somehow, a small object can really kill like mad, though nothing is seriously damaged. I think what happens is that the harmless object hits your toe knuckle at just the wrong angle and maybe there is a nerve in there very nearby that gets affected.
No matter. It will hurt for a day or two and I am not going to call my therapist and demand an answer to my problem nor take a “PRN” which will likely do nothing for it nor go calling the crisis team over “anxiety” nor rush into a panic nor show up at the ER nor call 911 nor attribute this to drug withdrawal and spend weeks in bed.
What AM I going to do? Write a blog entry and laugh. Next time I drop my wallet on my foot, I hope at least it is loaded with tons of money!
See you later!