Being ignored and trauma

Because of trauma that happened to me around 2012 and 2013, i am particularly upset any time i am ignored. For instance, the unanswered email syndrome bothers me more than it bothers most people. I am pissed when I am inconvenienced trying to get information and have to ask five different people the same very basic question because no one answers their email. These are often simple questions, too. Just write back, yes. No. Or, do not write anymore you are a nuisance. Which is essentially what the non response says anyway.

I also have trauma over a bad friend who refused to open attachments I sent. She was paranoid of me. She was afraid I would harm her via an attachment. She refused to click on any link I sent.

So now I get upset thinking other people are gonna act like her and not open attachments or click on links. Out of fear, or because they aren’t very good friends. I “check” on people. “Did you have a chance to read it? What did you think?”

I have one friend who consistently refuses to click on any links, including articles I have written. She makes excuses every single time. I have consistently clicked on every link she has sent me and made relevant commentary.

I don’t know what the appropriate response is to her behavior. Obviously I need to change my approach but I am not sure how.

I tried to explain to my other friend that if there’s something I am passionate about or care deeply about then there’s a reason I feel passionate about sharing it, too. I asked her how she would feel if I ignored her artwork or something she had made that she was proud of. I told her that if I get published it is a big deal and the least she could do is go take a look.

Publishing a book that didn’t sell was traumatic for me and the rejection from people whom I thought were my friends was horrible. Even worse was twisting arms and they still refused. It was a terrible embarrassment. I am afraid to publish a book again. I don’t want to go through that another time. That’s why it wasn’t the end of the world when I lost my files yesterday.

I don’t want to do any more projects that flop. I am sick of failure.

Feedback and comments welcome!