Comment on YouTube

It doesn’t make sense to me to keep the YouTube up there if people cannot understand it. What’s the point? If people can BARELY understand it, that is, only get a few words here and there, there IS NO POINT. I wasn’t doing it to be a pretty face, in fact, I am not a pretty face and it’s humiliating to do this.

I don’t get why I got fucking tokenism when people really couldn’t understand what I was saying nor truly appreciate it considering how much effort I put into it (for no pay, by the way) and never mind the TIME…..And never mind the fact that people asked me to put it up there…..It seems ridiculous now.

I feel like a little kid getting praise for fucking up “show and tell.”

Why didn’t you guys tell me the picture and sound were not coordinated? Had you actually viewed it, and then, told me, I would have known and taken it down immediately. When I realized it was screwed up, and then, realized no one noticed, I figured, with  much amusement, no one even listened.

Is it not embedded here? I’m taking it down.

Why seniors aren’t people

People have privacy rights. This  means right to keep your Social Security number private. Most people would not give it out under ordinary circumstances. They tell their children not to.

Seniors aren’t people, they are property, to be owned. Seniors regularly carry their Social Security numbers around with them. They do not have rights. They are owned. They carry their Medicare cards and on each card is their Social Security number. Most seniors are drugged till they die via this number and subjected to appointments and procedures, and billed via taxpayers. That is senior time. Worthless. Their bodies are sold.

All this talk of privacy goes right out the window. You aren’t human anymore. Carry your Medicare card. Your right to “healthcare” becomes your loss of privacy right there. No one cares about Your privacy anymore, Grandpa. You sold your body so the medicos can bleed you till you die, sucker.

The tradeoff. Just like Esau sold the birthright for soup. Stupid trade he likely regretted forever. Savor the soup while you trudge off to your useless Bingo halls and casinos. You are owned now.

Being ignored and trauma

Because of trauma that happened to me around 2012 and 2013, i am particularly upset any time i am ignored. For instance, the unanswered email syndrome bothers me more than it bothers most people. I am pissed when I am inconvenienced trying to get information and have to ask five different people the same very basic question because no one answers their email. These are often simple questions, too. Just write back, yes. No. Or, do not write anymore you are a nuisance. Which is essentially what the non response says anyway.

I also have trauma over a bad friend who refused to open attachments I sent. She was paranoid of me. She was afraid I would harm her via an attachment. She refused to click on any link I sent.

So now I get upset thinking other people are gonna act like her and not open attachments or click on links. Out of fear, or because they aren’t very good friends. I “check” on people. “Did you have a chance to read it? What did you think?”

I have one friend who consistently refuses to click on any links, including articles I have written. She makes excuses every single time. I have consistently clicked on every link she has sent me and made relevant commentary.

I don’t know what the appropriate response is to her behavior. Obviously I need to change my approach but I am not sure how.

I tried to explain to my other friend that if there’s something I am passionate about or care deeply about then there’s a reason I feel passionate about sharing it, too. I asked her how she would feel if I ignored her artwork or something she had made that she was proud of. I told her that if I get published it is a big deal and the least she could do is go take a look.

Publishing a book that didn’t sell was traumatic for me and the rejection from people whom I thought were my friends was horrible. Even worse was twisting arms and they still refused. It was a terrible embarrassment. I am afraid to publish a book again. I don’t want to go through that another time. That’s why it wasn’t the end of the world when I lost my files yesterday.

I don’t want to do any more projects that flop. I am sick of failure.

Why bother with YouTube?

I put up a YouTube and I don’t think it has been watched. Should I take it down? I crashed my computer yesterday trying to improve on my webcam software (go look and you might see the problem) and had to reinstall my operating system. I lost a considerable amount of data in the process but now I have decent webcam software. Bittersweet bonus.

Benefits? Sure, if you want to be treated like a criminal

I recently had to do a re-determination with the government because they screwed up my paperwork. That must have been November. Now it is February and they’re sending more paperwork telling me they want me to “renew” again. Arrghh! No wonder people just go without these wonderful “benefits” due to the gross privacy invasion. They want to know EVERY PENNY YOU EARN. Isn’t that my business and my business alone? I don’t want them knowing when I go to the bathroom, when I wake up, when I go to bed, and I don’t want them snooping into my life! I am so tired of this. No wonder people get “disqualified” for not sending in their every move. Crap. Get out of my life, please. Get out. Get out. Get out.


This link I am not showing you…upsetting story of the day!

As you know, I comb through the news stories seeing if there’s anything interesting out there I want to comment on. Or anything funny or interesting. Or ironic.

This was so upsetting I found it unnerving. And I don’t want you guys upset, so today, no link. I will tell you it’s about animal abuse. Very upsetting. And it was not some guy in some poor neighborhood who did it. Nope.

It was animal sexual abuse. And not only that, so bad that you could tell….the dog was hurt. The vet said the damage was indicative of animal intercourse.

I don’t know about you guys. I find it very upsetting.

This is why. The dog could not talk. The dog couldn’t go crying to a teacher. Ever. The dog was not going to grow up and be able to tell a buddy someday. Ever. The dog couldn’t get a lawyer when he got older. The dog’s only hope was the neighbor who happened to hear whimpering and those suspicious scuffling sounds.

I feel very sad that something like this would happen.

I feel enraged that things like this are done regularly to elders who cannot cry out, who have no way to “tattle,” who aren’t believed if they “tell,” who are called “demented” if they try.

I am furious that anyone would sexually abuse a child.

And for anyone of any age who has been cursed with a psychiatric diagnosis, when we have tried to speak out, what happens?

“What is your diagnosis?”

And then, the door slams shut.

Shannon Edwards? GOP for Congress to replace Murphy? NO NO NO!

Here is some juicy info:

(if you can read it…)

Now to refresh your memories…..Murphy went down in shame because he had an affrair, remember? Then, he demanded that his mistress have an abortion. What a hypocrite! So here we have his mistress running! But even scarier is that this woman is/was a forensic psychologist. Whatever the hell that is. I kinda have a clue since I used to have a shrink, a resident who eventually made a name for himself in forensics. I suppose I can boast that I was his guinea pig.

Forensic shrinks work with criminals. They do mental health, or shall I say, “mental health,” for criminals. Or, perhaps, as Szasz might put it, they excuse criminals…or even worse, condemn them for “faking mental illness.” Either way if you are a crook and you end up in the hands of a shrink it’s going to be very very bad.

The insanity plea leads to a longer sentence because the pettiest crime will be “treated” for like 20 years in the criminal nuthouses. Treated. Who is fooling whom?

Well, unless you think locking people up is “treatment.”

Ms. Edwards is hoping to bring “assisted outpatient treatment” to Pennsylvania. I think we want to assist Ms Edwards off the ballot in that case, eh? Force, in any form, is not good for children, nor for elders, nor good for any human being.

Maybe she’ll have an affair with a pharmacy rep next and just get lost.


Sadly, you cannot change other people…..

People stubbornly cling to their idea of diagnosis and it’s not our place to try to change them. They see us as nuts, disordered, messed-up personalities, sick for life, untreated, angry (and that’s a symptom, right?) and all sorts of other nasty things. They actually fear us. Some will not pick up the phone and actually fear we will do violence through the phone line. That is actually psychotic thinking because it’s not at all possible. It is an unrealistic, exaggerated fear of “mental illness” (their own fears!) but so be it. I have known people to refuse to talk to me, refuse to hang out, refuse to look at me, etc. All because of this vague, exaggerated, psychotic and very paranoid fear of theirs.

I even know people afraid to open my emails (ones really from me), afraid to read them, and scared to click on the links I send and refusal to open attachments that are really from me. No, they’re not afraid of viruses. No, they’re not afraid I’m sending “code.” They’re afraid of the truth. They have even told me they don’t like reading stories about human rights. This is actually a fear of knowing their own human rights are being violated.   They don’t like admitting they might be wrong and they hate apologizing for having called me crazy in the past (and they were wrong).

I hated it when people refused to give me their phone number. I understand when a person is a casual friend, or just an acquaintance and things can be done by an occasional email. But sometimes communication was much, much more efficient over the phone, and “texting” is hugely inefficient. It got to the point when it became grossly inconvenient not to talk on the phone but the person STILL refused to share their phone number. Then it got so obvious. I started to realize the person was paranoid of me. How can one person do harm to another with merely a phone number? I got pissed off and frustrated.

Of course, things are different now but the old people DO NOT CHANGE. Don’t expect them to, either. You might thing that getting the diagnosis off my record made the people in my life realize they were wrong but this is 100% untrue.

They STILL refuse to admit it. The “nice” or not so nice people in your life who see you as mentally ill will ALWAYS see you that way. Sorry to say, this is the sad consequence of a diagnosis. A diagnosis is a permanent social fixture. You can get it out of your own mind and stop calling yourself by the diagnosis, but those that see you as “bipolar” or whatever will not stop.

Please don’t give me examples of the ONE time someone did. These are rare exceptions, not the rule.

I have all new friends now and all new acquaintances. That’s the sad reality. My old friends are gone. Not one is in my life. Who would want people in your life who see you as disordered?

No one from any of my colleges speak to me, even though I was a stellar student who did well academically. Not the faculty. Not the students. Sad but true. I’m not a patient anymore. They can’t wrap their heads around that, and don’t want to.

The only way you can expect your family to stay in your life is if they never believed the diagnoses in the first place. That is true of some families. But not many.

I have tried very very hard. Tried to tell my brothers I am getting my disability papers just to “prove” I was fraudulently put on SSDI. Tried to explain that i am working. Tried to recommend books and articles which they have yet to read. Tried and tried, and it doesn’t change much of anything. I could win the Nobel Prize or do a TED Talk. But I don’t think that anything I do or say would bring my family back to a place of understanding. I’m scared it won’t ever happen, not until after I am dead. And that is sad. Never mind I plan to live a very long time if I have my way.

Sorry to say, diagnosis harm is very very deep and far more serious than anyone realizes. To me, being called mentally ill did more harm to me than any chemical ever did. I can undo the harm from the chemicals but to undo the diagnosis I had to uproot my whole life and re-plant it. That I know of, this is the sad truth for most anyone.



Amazon is bringing 50,000 jobs to Pittsburgh, screw Shell Oil fracking

Shell Oil has been coming in steadily to Beaver County and surroundings and we have been pissed. They have been digging and drilling near my neighbor’s property and some people say they hear much noise and it has increased traffic but brought in no commerce that they can see to the people that live here in Beaver County. Beaver County’s ONLY mall, which is really very much out of place here, is empty! I mean that! Fancy shops no one here can afford, like Victoria’s Secret, no one shops there, fancy card shops, stinky candle shops (i have to hold my breath it is nauseating) tons of fancy gift shops, a totally EMPTY fancy jewelry shop, fancy clothing shops not one resident of Beaver County can afford, contract cellular telephone stores no one patronizes….I think they were expecting a big crowd….Well, I gotta laugh. The mall has brought jobs to Beaver County but who the hell shops there, anyway?As I said, ONE mall…It’s all the county can really support. Or stand.

Beaver County is the poorest county in the state. Or one of them. Maybe people go to the mall to warm up in the winter and cool off in the summer. I suspect folks are coming in from Ohio to work on that fracking job, actually. I don’t know a soul from Beaver County, personally, who picked up work from Shell Oil. I know many who work at places like Taco Bell. Sorry, Shell. It’s a taco shell here.

Amazon is going to hire 50,000 people when they come into the Burgh. And that will include some of us straglers from Beaver County who take the county bus in but live out here because we can’t afford to live anywhere else. Amazon USED to be books. Well…now, it’s pretty much anything that’s in the kitchen sink. Or out of it. They expanded. They exploded. Do they sell motor oil? And cars? Hope not. Leave that to Shell et al.

They aren’t hiring all higher-up techies, either. They’ll hire people from all walks of life. If they hire a lot of techies, that means jobs for ALL, because the techies will be able to leave their jobs they took at Taco Bell out of desperation, right? That’ll open the Taco Bell jobs up for everyone else that needs a shit job. Out of desperation.

Shit jobs serve their purpose. First of all, you DO make money in while you are there. At least you’re not unemployed. Yes you feel like shit being bossed around. I would not suggest eating the tacos as I doubt they are edible. Don’t eat shit either. Use food stamps and go next door and get a banana at Giant Eagle or something.

Then go home and Let’s Go Pens. See you later.