Paid by the head

I have every reason to believe that Gould Farm was paid by the head to get their clientele onto disability. I had already applied and had rightfully been turned down. But after I arrived at Gould Farm they told me they were putting my application in again. I never saw that application nor filled it out myself. They told me Dr. Capers was filling it out. I was never given an independent exam nor any exam for “disability.” I wonder if Social Security has that exam paper and if they will turn it over to me. Has anyone out there ever gotten their paperwork from Social Security? I am wondering what he had to put to get it pushed through.

I had tried suicide, but was no longer suicidal. I was mildly depressed, not seriously. They totally disregarded my eating disorder, which I had complained about. But I gave up early on, realizing that no one was going to hear me out.

So what could they have possibly put on that paperwork to get me approved so easily? I think they were paid to do that. Someone was benefiting, since they put a lot of us on those payments. It was ironic because their literature talks about “becoming financially independent” and putting a person on disability is not working toward that aim.

I contacted Gould Farm. They say they no longer have my records. That’s probably true.  But Social Security would indeed have my records. I think I’m entitled to them.

Has anyone ever succeeded in getting these papers?

Poor, unemployed, and unemployable, but it’s STILL FRAUD…but not OUR FRAUD

I agree with this article but it’s STILL FRAUD, not fraud by those on disability, but fraud by those that put us on disability. If you read all the way down Joffe-Walt’s article you can see that people are being put on disability quite happily by the state, since the state doesn’t want to keep them on their rolls anymore. They are shuffled to the federal SSDI/SSI rolls quite happily since this saves the states a bundle.

Someone was making out when I was put on disability. I am not sure who was, but I aim to find out. Technically, I wasn’t depressed enough to qualify, as I was kind of a leader among my peers, and you can’t get on SSDI for an eating disorder as an adult. I don’t think Gould Farm personnel deliberately and knowingly put me on for schiz, but possibly Dr. Capers did. He had a twisted outlook as it was. He was an odd character.

Mary Antin, Jewish victim of Christian rehab Gould Farm

We inmates at Gould Farm wondered why so many of us were Jews, and there we were, somehow at a  Christian rehab. Why was this? No one could answer and the question was decidedly uncomfortable. I keep wondering if the place existed to put highly intelligent Jewish college students on the disability rolls.  They sure seemed hellbent on getting me enrolled in it, and sadly, did so successfully.

Here we might see a clue:

Here, we read about Mary Antin, a  Jew who ended up at Gould Farm, sometimes as inmate, sometimes as secretary. Either way, as soon as she got there, she never recovered.

So who were Will and Agnes Gould? What were their motives, and what about subsequent Farm leaders? They were all Christians, by the way.

Employer at local supermarket denied me accommodation for visual impairment

During the interview I had at the local supermarket I explained that to see the numbers on the keypad I would occasionally have to use as cashier, I may need to put removable stickers on it. The hiring person said, “Oh no, you can’t use stickers.” This was an outright denial of what I think is reasonable accommodation. If I needed stickers to see better, why not? He didn’t explain what was so terrible about using something that helps me see better.

Was this why they didn’t hire me? This was the only glitch in the interview, that I recall. No stickers. No explanation.

I definitely had no desire to be a cashier but I really wanted a job, and figured this was my last chance at one.

Meanwhile, the same organization hired a person to collect the carts who had temper tantrums. I saw this numerous times and reassured myself that if they hired this guy, they’d hire me. I do not have temper tantrums. Ever.

He’s still there. He slams the carts together and swears when he gets mad, which is like every day.

But…no stickers. Stickers are worse, right?

This is the PCG mentioned in the article

Note: the 2013 article on disability in the US mentioned this PCG (Public Consulting Group) and stated they BENEFITED by taking people off welfare and switching them to disability. Each “case” got the PCG a payoff.

Maybe an investigation into the higher-ups in this organization might reveal membership in elite groups and eugenics societies. But that remains to be seen.

Szasz called mental illness “excuse-making.” I ask, “Who is making the excuses?”

Criminals can be excused from their crimes by court psychiatrists, who legally shift the blame from the criminal to his “illness.” Who is making the excuse here? Some criminals want to get off the hook, of course. But legally, it’s the court psych who is making the final decision of guilt, and the criminal has little say.

“MI” gives us handy excuses. “I can’t work because I have a permanent brain disease.” Sounds ominous, eh? Even viable if it was real.

The whole time I was on disability I kept saying to myself, “I could work, if only I didn’t end up in the hospital all the time.” This was my reasoning.  But was the real reason the fact that I couldn’t get hired given my history? I remember I tried to get a volunteer job back in 1983 and they refused to take me, knowing I had association with Brattleboro Retreat. I was naive enough to tell them!

Is inability to get hired a disability? Technically, no. Legally those that determine disability are concerned about your ability to do the tasks. They ask if you can walk, bend, carry things, etc. They ask if you do your own self-care.  (BTW, I can carry 48.6 pounds of groceries home on my back, run 5k, and write thousands of words each day…) I never knew how to answer those questions.

Psych disability is a sham. Massive number of people are put out of work for these non-existent “brain diseases.” Where can I take this? Who will listen? Who is in the position to do something about this? Someone in the media? Or politics?

Why the idea of paycheck gives me pangs of guilt

I know what is happening. I am approaching my 60th birthday. For the past 20 years I worked full time for no pay. This started with my return to college. I was still on disability. I never used “accommodations” since I didn’t need them, I got straight A’s, working over 40 hours a week with no compensation except the joy of getting an education. Graduate school likewise. They kept me on disability even though logically speaking I wasn’t disabled. After my thesis got published I felt embarrassed because my publisher set the book price so high. I felt that asking to be paid, (by asking people to purchase the book) was far too much to ask from anyone. In four years I barely sold any copies. I hated selling. I was happier blogging, which was a community service I do completely voluntarily. I spend countless hours at it. The whole idea of a real paycheck is just too uncomfortable. Does this make sense? This guilty feeling I keep getting is actually an iatrogenic product of the Mental Health System! Anyone else out there coerced onto disability long-term and feel the same way?

A fascinating article on sleep

Check out this article that appeared in USA Today:

The concept of “recycling” is an interesting one, but as the writer points out, isn’t the case. I think this article supports the concept that brains don’t develop chemical imbalances on their own, nor is a person born with such, but clearly, sleep deprivation can cause a person’s brain to become unhealthy due to waste buildup.

Psychiatric drugs are one of the main causes of chronic sleep deprivation. The Prozac-like drugs change the sleep cycle, causing it to become inefficient. The psychiatry profession readily admits this. So while users think they sleep, they don’t really get the rest they need. Antipsychotics and other sedating drugs such as benzos and hypnotics also cause chronic insomnia and resistance to the drugs, meaning that a person needs higher and higher doses just to get to sleep at night.

Furthermore, long-term users of SSRI drugs can no longer produce adequate serotonin on their own. This means lifelong dependence on the drugs, and for sure, worsened depression. Psychiatry admits to this, but does not propose any solution except staying on these drugs forever despite the risks to all organs of the body.

That I know of, people who stop their use of of antidepressants may, or may not be able to restore production of serotonin. I know a few people who stopped antidepressants and ended up okay, and many felt better. I also know a few who stopped and were unable to restore decent quality of life.

As for me….I never took antidepressants that much so I am lucky.  I used to ask for antidepressants for sure, but any I tried did nothing for me and gave me bad side effects such as tremors.

Massive doses of antipsychotic drugs impaired my ability to sleep, though, and chronic insomnia does apparently fuck up your brain. This has been long-term for me.

I used to ask people to be a bit tolerant of me due to insomnia, to try to be a bit more understanding if I lost my temper on occasion. Unfortunately most people are totally intolerant and can’t understand why a person isn’t perfect 100% of the time. It is an isolating and frustrating situation indeed.