The Me Too Bandwagon

I used to think the Me Too Bandwagon was helpful, but I learned in coaching school that it isn’t helpful nor productive. I believe our instructor was spot on here. I have learned that chiming in with Me Too, which I used to do thinking it was supportive, actually wasn’t.

Maybe you have run across this. You have a friend whose spouse has passed away, and you, too, lost a spouse. So you’re very tempted to say, “I know how it feels.” Which is actually not true. You cannot get into another person’s body nor feel what they feel. You don’t know how they feel, even if you THINK you do. Even if your experiences are similar, they can’t possibly be the exact same thing. And they aren’t. So saying you know how it feels is seriously presumptuous. You may, but then again, you don’t know, do you?

This happens when we talk about psychiatric drugs. “Oh I know how bad it is to get off __ because I did, too!” Really?

You guys know my discussion about smoking, how I could be obnoxious and say, “I quit, so you can, too!” but I don’t do that. I know that for unknown reasons, some people have a bitch of a time quitting, and some totally can’t. I know it would be really terrible if I assumed everyone else had an easy time quitting like I did. How can I explain this? I can’t. Only good luck, or…the way the cards fell.

It’s the same with anything else. I can’t jump on the Me Too Bandwagon and if I feel like I’m going to, I need to stop myself. “Oh I was in college too, I remember…” No….Don’t go there. “I was fired, too, I know how discouraging it can be.” No I don’t! I have been thinking I was sooooo helpful sharing these experiences but really, it isn’t helpful at all.

Coaching school reframed a lot of that for me. I learned that a lot of the time, people think they’re being helpful but they are not, they’re being presumptuous. No one is a mind-reader, after all.

What’s worse is when someone goes on a rampage about how shitty their life is and starts targeting you for god-knows-what…trolling or whatever when you know you aren’t. And gets all alarmist and finger-pointing, trying to gather others against you, too. And says you have “issues” when inside, you know this person has ten times more “issues” than you do.

I don’t know what to do when that happens, except laugh my fool head off at the hypocrisy I see before me. And keep that bit to myself, which I assume you guys will, too.

3 thoughts on “The Me Too Bandwagon”

  1. Yes it is so so hard not to say Me too been there know wheee you are at! It is one of the hardest things in life to remember thst WE ourselves do not feel better when told it either, do we? So why tell somekne else that we have had their experience ? It does not help and can make Things worse in fact. You want to tell them so badly but examine your motives as to why first! Will it help them, or you? Really ? Think about this and whether yiur motives are truly to help that other person at all…not that you do not mean well, we all do, but good intentions get muddied when we start talking about OUR experiences instead of keeping the focus on rhe other person …anyhow, this is a very very good point for this blog to make, excellent. If I were not so tired, I might say so more eloquently.

    Mea culpa!

    1. Yes, the thing is it is very true, yet I am having trouble because I also believe in the power of the personal essay, or memoir, I believe these are helpful. If you read Montaigne he emphasizes not only knowing yourself very very well, which is a gift, but also, being able to write all that down. It is hard for me when I see people hating me for what is essentially a gift.

Feedback and comments welcome!