I used to think the Me Too Bandwagon was helpful, but I learned in coaching school that it isn’t helpful nor productive. I believe our instructor was spot on here. I have learned that chiming in with Me Too, which I used to do thinking it was supportive, actually wasn’t.
Maybe you have run across this. You have a friend whose spouse has passed away, and you, too, lost a spouse. So you’re very tempted to say, “I know how it feels.” Which is actually not true. You cannot get into another person’s body nor feel what they feel. You don’t know how they feel, even if you THINK you do. Even if your experiences are similar, they can’t possibly be the exact same thing. And they aren’t. So saying you know how it feels is seriously presumptuous. You may, but then again, you don’t know, do you?
This happens when we talk about psychiatric drugs. “Oh I know how bad it is to get off __ because I did, too!” Really?
You guys know my discussion about smoking, how I could be obnoxious and say, “I quit, so you can, too!” but I don’t do that. I know that for unknown reasons, some people have a bitch of a time quitting, and some totally can’t. I know it would be really terrible if I assumed everyone else had an easy time quitting like I did. How can I explain this? I can’t. Only good luck, or…the way the cards fell.
It’s the same with anything else. I can’t jump on the Me Too Bandwagon and if I feel like I’m going to, I need to stop myself. “Oh I was in college too, I remember…” No….Don’t go there. “I was fired, too, I know how discouraging it can be.” No I don’t! I have been thinking I was sooooo helpful sharing these experiences but really, it isn’t helpful at all.
Coaching school reframed a lot of that for me. I learned that a lot of the time, people think they’re being helpful but they are not, they’re being presumptuous. No one is a mind-reader, after all.
What’s worse is when someone goes on a rampage about how shitty their life is and starts targeting you for god-knows-what…trolling or whatever when you know you aren’t. And gets all alarmist and finger-pointing, trying to gather others against you, too. And says you have “issues” when inside, you know this person has ten times more “issues” than you do.
I don’t know what to do when that happens, except laugh my fool head off at the hypocrisy I see before me. And keep that bit to myself, which I assume you guys will, too.