On the bus

How many blog entries have I titled On the Bus over the years? What does this say to readers? I don’t take the paratransit, don’t need it, wouldn’t dream of stealing service from those that truly need it. I am on the bus almost daily. I’m not lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, nor plopped in front of the tube. I have relocated to new communities and learned the new bus system, each time I moved.

I don’t but rides from people, not from neighbors nor friends. That’s not a good way to be a friend. They’ll drive you once or twice but won’t be your taxi. Having been on the “taxi” end, I can say being “taxi” gets old very fast.

The bus is populated with many people on their way to work. Contrary to stereotype, buses are for working people. In any town or city, mostly the buses are full of commuters.

I spoke with the guy next to me and while ago. Was he a criminal, a bum, a drunk? No, he was on his way to class at the community college. He was carrying his textbooks. What’s this with people’s claims that “the bus system is rough”? Say what? You’re not okay with wage-earners and dark-skinned people? What are these judgemental people really saying?

I love the bus. I take the time to read and write. I study, dream, brainstorm. What about you?

I’m inspired by bad luck…how about you?  

I am inspired by the recent downturn of events in my life. Say what? Yep,inspired.  This is because I don’t let shitty people and situations get me down anymore. I let myself feel like crap for a short while but that gets old fast. So I bounce back. I would suggest you work hard at doing the same. It’s a decent skill to have  lying around. They don’t teach it in the nuthouse. 

So I was invited to a ritzy conference,  then,  months later, uninvited.  Wow, how unprofessional of this organization.  But of course,  someone like me who ditched her diagnosis, threw therapy out the window,  and got her rights, dignity,  and freedom back is a serious threat to them since they are in the business of creating permanent patients by funneling sufferers straight to their sponsors.

Being turned down by a grocery store because I am vision impaired makes me realize I am overqualified anyway. I have new plans. 

Yesterday the yard tool that I was supposed to pick up at the store arrived at my doorstep. I cleaned up my yard and did a whole bunch of my neighbor’s , too. Does this sound like someone too depressed to get out of bed? Five bags full of yard debris.  I sure earned my shower. It felt good,  too. I wanna do it again. Just because the weather is so nice and winter is round the corner. 

I invited my friend over for Puzzle’s Birthday Party.  I think I will make stuffed peppers. Vegan for my friend. And me. I will have to figure how to make them on a grill, in a crock pot, or a rice cooker. No oven right now. Maybe steam them. I can hardly wait.  Puzzle won’t even know it’s her birthday. 

Life sure has changed since I ditched my diagnosis.  I would wish the same for anyone. 

Change of plans

This site is now visible on the web. I apologize to readers for my invisibility for these past couple of weeks while I waited for a decision on my application at a grocery store. I was denied because of my vision impairment. They didn’t say so, but I am pretty sure of it. I was going to apply to a rival grocery store, then I realized, why bother if they’re going to turn me down, too? I’m saddened that I cannot get hired at this simple thing. Not even an entry-level job.

However, my real talents lie elsewhere, do they not? Don’t I have a master’s degree which I earned Against Medical Advice? Didn’t I get better from a deadly eating disorder entirely on my own? Didn’t I ditch my diagnoses and live happily and freely now?

They’re SCARED to let this information out. It’s not that they think I’m scary thin. It’s that they don’t want other sufferers knowing that all you have to do is ditch therapy, get off the pills (not cold turkey), stop going to treatment, stop believing the lies they say about you, and POOF, you will gradually get better! Magic formula!

They’re not in the business of making people well. It’s not PROFITABLE. Look at who their sponsors are! The ED centers! So they’re in the business of keeping people sick and keeping you IN TREATMENT!!

That’s why they didn’t want me there. They know I’m not stick thin……C’mon…….

What if I helped others get better, too? Obviously, I have knowledge and skills to share. But how? And is there a way to make a few bucks doing it so I can get off disability?

I already have two great volunteer jobs and am working on my public speaking career in Toastmasters. Those NEDA/BEDA folks cannot sabotage the life I have made for myself, the way they sabotaged my speaking engagement in Brooklyn just the other day. They cannot call my supervisors and tell them I’m a sicko. It won’t work! I think my supervisors would laugh in their faces and…I hope…hang up on them just as MEDA folks hung up on me in 2013 when I was starving. If those NEDA/BEDA folks call my Toastmasters president and tell them I’m a sicko I bet he’d seriously doubt their sanity.

Monster, Indeed, Snagajob, BEWARE

Half the job applications you put in through those sites don’t even go through. CALL THE LOCALE itself to follow through. I just did that. I called the locale and found out that you have to SHOW UP and that they never received the application I put in two days ago. They don’t honor Monster, etc. This might explain the 25 job applications that mostly got “no response.” I’m showing up today. I told the corporate office, “Maybe you should call Snagajob and get your name taken off.” I doubt they care. We’ll see.

The real culprit

I figured out what really happened. NEDA/BEDA knows I’m “recovered” and the real reason has nothing to do with “not recovered.” Actually they have no way of knowing if I am recovered or not. The issue is not related to recovery. The issue has to do with what happened back around 2012 on.

It was a sorry case of neglect and NEDA/MEDA was involved. I tried very very hard to get help. I tried FOUR TIMES to get into a MEDA group and actually paid $85 twice for an “assessment” which was totally USELESS. It did nothing for me, didn’t get me anything, didn’t even get me their “support.” I think it added my data to their database and got them money. I had a therapist for a while, then, had Maria, but then, didn’t have one.

They had no one on their list AT THE TIME who took Medicare AND Medicaid. You get shit for healthcare in Massachusetts if you have both, by the way. I called and called, even tried LYING and saying I didn’t have Medicaid. I even tried private practice and asked about sliding scale but the sliding didn’t go low enough. I couldn’t find anyone. Yes, this is common, even in Boston. Very few therapists are willing to take on eating disorders patients. Why? it’s a complex problem and therapy rarely helps ED patients anyway.

I asked MEDA if at least I could be in a group. They refused (but AGAIN charged me for an assessment). It was ridiculous. I was then, suddenly, invited to a “group for older women.” I don’t know why they wanted me there because I didn’t get along with one member who was very pro-lockup. She refused to see it as a human rights violation. She complained to the group leader about me.Next thing you knew, I was kicked out of group for some lame excuse. I kept trying and trying to find a therapist. All this got recorded in my blog. I didn’t betray the confidentiality of the group members. I know enough not to do that. But…I did say that MEDA doesn’t serve low-income folks.

When I was truly starving I called and called. They never called back and a few times, literally hung up on me. After i was hospitalized and abused there, they again hung up on me mid-sentence.

It was a sorry case of societal neglect.

I know now, or am pretty sure, that MEDA was SCARED of my blogging, scared that I would blow the whistle further on them. After all, I have the right to my Freedom of Speech and they didn’t like that too much. It’s odd that other patients do not exercise their Freedom of Speech…mostly due to fear of “getting in trouble…” but these are vague fears, often stemming from childhood or school days (in my opinion).

I guess I’m just different that way. I had really good parents who let me express myself, artistically and creatively, and allowed me to voice an opinion. My mom encouraged us to write Letters to the Editor even. My parents taught me Resilience, which I believe is why I am alive and writing these words.

I’m not all that bummed out anymore that NEDA/ BEDA uninvited me. I’m okay with it. They’re a horribly corrupt organization. They’;re dishonest and they don’t exist to  HELP anyone. They exist to funnel money into the ED treatment centers which are a huge profit-making venture. I don’t want to support them by speaking at their conference nor would I be proud to have that on my resume.

I am proud to have weathered this and I’m proud that I’m a whistleblower. I’m proud that I stand by what I say.  I’m proud that I’m alive and I’m proud that I got better in spite of everything, all the crap that happened.

I would wish the same resilience for anyone out there. God bless.


My solution for employment discrimination as grocery bagger

My plan is to apply at a rival supermarket nearby. Too bad the assholes lost out on a great employee……As I figure, they weren’t good enough for me. At the interview I said I shopped there a lot. I don’t. I usually shop at the other place. Well? Off I go.

Online surveys in the meanwhile. I mean I really need money.

I plan to take legal action against BEDA/NEDA.


I am shocked that I was turned down for a job bagging groceries. But I checked online and found many cases of that supermarket caught in court cases (both won and lost) racial discrimination and disability discrimination. One after the other.  I applied at a rival supermarket located nearby. I am going to do what I did before, follow up with a phone call. I wonder if this place discriminates, too.

My experience with these Attorney General offices is that they do indeed follow up. Organizations get riled up when the AG offices contact them.  I’m also contacting the folks in MA.

Devastating news

I received the following in my email just now:

Hi Julie,


I am writing with disappointing news and I hope you will understand. A member of our community recently came across several of your blogs and youtube videos, and wrote to us expressing concern when this person saw you are on our conference agenda. After careful review, we have decided that we are uncomfortable with having you present at the conference because we cannot be sure of your recovery from your eating disorder.


Your experience and views are extremely valuable AND we must be very careful about our presenters and the possible triggers for those who are attending the conference. It is our practice to advise our conference committee to review all proposals and check online resources. Unfortunately, the committee neglected to check online this year.


I know this will be very difficult for you to hear and you will likely be very upset with us, but please understand that it is essential that we make sure that our speakers and attendees are safe. We do not feel like we can assure this for either you or our attendees. It is very difficult in situations like this to make a decision, but at the end of the day, I am responsible for many, many people during the conference, some of who are very fragile, and I must make decisions I feel are best for everyone concerned.


If you have already spent money on airfare, please send me a receipt and BEDA will reimburse you.


Please know that I appreciate your views and believe you are a beautiful writer. I wish you only the best.






Chevese TurnerFounder, President & CEO

Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA)

637 Emerson Place, Severna Park, MD 21146

Direct: 410.570.9577Fax: 410.741.3037

Toll-Free Main Number: 855-855-BEDA (2332)

Email: chevese.turner@bedaonline.com

Web: www.bedaonline.com


Who has done this? Clearly, it wasn’t anyone who knows me in person currently. I suspect retaliation. After all, I wrote scathing reviews of Maria Mellano and a few others online. it was the least I could do to help others make the right decision.  There was nothing Maria could do about it.

I called Chevese right away telling her I had spoken to my attorney and my attorney stated I had the right to know who had contacted NEDA. This is an outright lie, but I wonder if she’ll call my bluff. I pointed out that my youtubes aren’t current (except for my rousing Toastmasters speech). How would someone in Boston know if I am “recovered” or not? I mean, what do they think? That I am deathly thin or whatever? Gee….

So I am not in the greatest, most chipper mood. i am wondering if I really need an attorney.

Death of Matt Stevenson, another therapy victim

What is the big deal over Matt and psych drugs? That I know of, he was in mental hospital twice. He was on psych drugs very briefly, rejected them, but stayed in therapy and worshipped the therapeutic process. Actually, it was Matt’s obnoxious worship of therapy that forced me out of ISEPP. He was antagnonistic, constantly deferring to the therapists. Like a slave to therapy. I couldn’t stand it and told him to buzz off. He saw one, paying a fortune for her. He was a victim of therapy.

Very sad. Is anyone going to think of it this way? Doubtful. Drugs drugs drugs, but….that wasn’t the story. You and I know this.  I don’t know what killed him, I have not heard. I just saw this in Monica’s blog, somehow she concludes everything is blamed on the drugs…typical…but…like most, she isn’t a subscriber here.