Jobs, wasted effort, bummer being turned down over and over…..

I’m sitting here rationalizing it away. How many jobs have I applied for and then, been turned down? In the past year, maybe six or seven.

I was so hopeful when the company hired me back in November 2015 and then, I never heard back! Nor did they pay me for the work I did, though my friend is making good money from the job and it’s legit.

Then there was Textbroker…If you seriously want to be insulted, go work for them, but the pay is so low you’ll be spending more in bandwidth than you ever get paid. It’s not a scam, they are honest about the low pay, but once you start working for them you realize it’s very much below minimum wage. You’ll make much more money washing dishes.

So then I applied for a four-to-six hour a week, high-paying job for which I was overqualified, about a year ago. I received an email back from them that ended up in Spam. Google Voice also flagged the personal call from them as Spam. You really wonder about a company that ends up in the Super Spam pile like that. So I called them as soon as I retrieved the message. Sadly, they had already filled the position but said they were interested and I should apply as soon as they advertise an opening. (Looks like turnaround is very high and they can’t keep their workers, since the job has been posted countless times since.) The next time I applied I didn’t even get my foot into the door. I suspect I wasn’t careful and perhaps failed to hide social media during the application time.

Then, I guess there was a series of jobs I applied for and was turned down for all of them. Some I was overqualified for. One didn’t hire, I suspect, because they don’t want an older person (age discrimination). I noticed that they never even responded. I  believe this was so that I couldn’t claim an unfair hiring case, since I had no refusal letter as “evidence.” Their intention was to discriminate, and they did this by the “keeping you hanging ” method. I suspect the company that really did hire me back in November 2015 did the exact same thing. They hired, then simply never contacted me again. So they made it look legit, but it wasn’t.  I cannot claim discrimination since I have no refusal letter as “evidence.”

Another job I applied for I spent a lengthy time on the phone with their hiring person and he told me they’d filled all the positions but they would have me in their “pool” in case anyone didn’t work out. He said I was a perfect match for them, and also stated that I was the kind of person they were looking for. So at that point, I was on pins and needles, completely deceived into thinking “any day now they’ll call.” This meant two months of not even knowing. Then finally, hearing nothing, I contacted them telling them I was still interested. No response. I waited another month. No response to my inquiry. Then I received a mailing saying they were hiring. Again, I emailed to “remind” them that I was in their “pool.” No response. Non-response is the best way to get around any accusation of discrimination. That kept me hanging for months.

I’m considering selling stuff. I’m also considering buying old laptops, fixing them up, and reselling. This would include replacing parts, ensuring the machine boots up okay, and installing cool software that is free (so the buyer isn’t stuck with Norton et al).

What if I made “writer’s laptops” that had pre-installed cool programs for writers? This would include journaling software, “noveling” software, Open Office or Libre Office, character-builders, plot building software, etc? Then I could sell for much more than I paid for the unit. “Built by a writer.” Does that sound like a good idea?



After countless job rejections, using up my time, energy, and money, I realize that…..

I’m not cut out to work for a “company.” I’m not cut out to follow orders or someone else’s protocol. Maybe this defines me, because that’s about what a creative artist is.

I said I was interested in art.
They handed me color-by-number.
I said I loved to write,
So they offered me a pencil,
But according to rules
I had to be watched while using it.
I said I’d like to write a memoir
So as usual, they jeered at me.
Now, they’re all in my book.


Dear ___,

I love this post very much. Might I point out that after much thought I’ve realized that there’s no such thing as “abuse magnets.” No way. I am aware that I am repeatedly abused even now that I have no known psych history.

If a person is vulnerable, there is an instant power dynamic. Does “Help me!” ask for trouble? I believe it does, whether a person is “abuse magnet” or not.

The abuse will happen if the healer takes advantage of the situation. The best abusers are subtle. They harm under the guise of kindness and great “bedside manner.” They woo us in, but under all that, they are condescending, they take control, they make empty promises, informed consent is meaningless and you’re just a “case” to them.

The difference between a person who claims they get “good care” and a person who seems to be “abuse magnet” is that they are being equally abused!!! Yet only the abuse magnet is aware. The “good care” patient is blinded by the degrees, the slickness, the reputation, the good looks, the promises, the authority they claim to have, and the way they even act like parents to the patients.

The abuse magnet has more insight, a more realistic perspective, and perhaps a bit of scepticism and education thrown into all that. For decades I was one of those “good care” type patients and every time any harm, even horrific harm happened, I made excuses for it afterward, instead of realizing They Are Not Gods.

From one Proud Abuse Magnet to another,

Julie (and Puzzle)


This is a comment I made on another blogger’s site. I left out the person’s name because I don’t know if my commentary will be published.  However, the copyright is mine, so I can repost it prior to approval.

Brilliant example written by my friend Pam

This is not an unusual, isolated, situation:

Looks like the therapist’s bedside manners needed improvement, but I know from my own personal experience that going to attorneys to report THERAPY ABUSE is next to impossible unless you can prove rape, being sexually “fondled” or similar, or a very serious and obvious billing problem. Will these end up in jail time? Sometimes not.

If I called a lawyer and said, “When I was over 50 years old, and under some laws, a senior, and on disability, I was psychologically abused by my therapist, Maria Mellano, LICSW, who gaslighted me, accused me of vomiting when I did not, accused me of overexercising (this resulted in a brief episode of overexercising, actually, in response, until I was injured) and also, threatened me regularly, used scare tactics, was controlling and manipulative….”

The lawyer would cut me off right there and say, “What is the damage?”

I’d say, “Trauma.”

They want a measurement of damages in dollars and cents, though.

During my entire lawyer-phoning days back in Boston, I only got one of them to listen, and actually, he said, “If I had the time, I’d take this one on, but unfortunately, there’s just too much paperwork involved.” God bless that one!

If I could roll back time I would have hired him, and done the paperwork myself. That’s how other psych survivors have won, to my knowledge.

Another reason I left the ER

I know my gut instincts were right, that they would have done more harm than good. After I got there I wanted to make sure they got the spelling of my name right as well as other things. I don’t want to be mixed up with someone else again! They got my age right and right away I noticed bad manners and complete disrespect. I excused all this thinking, “Oh, they must be tired.”

Of course bad manners won’t kill a person. However, bad drugs can! I am clueless as to why they outright LIED to me saying Benadryl was for my headache. Huh? I do not see in any listing that Benadryl is for a severe headache. This was given into the IV.

Then, they gave me Reglan IV. Are you kidding? That’s for gasteoporesis! I did not say I had been vomiting. Nor did I say I had gasteoporesis, nor do I! It can be given for vomiting during pregancy, but this is one helluva dangerous drug and it should never be given without INFORMED CONSENT.

That is, according to the FDA, Reglan isn’t supposed to be given on a whim like that, and certainly not lying to the patient about its use! This drug can cause tardive dyskinesia and suicidal thoughts. So according to LAW, prior to giving this drug, you’re supposed to sit down with the patient and talk about the pros and cons. Was this done?

Okay, you might be arguing that “it was the ER.” But I wasn’t vomiting! And I didn’t report vomiting to them. I told them I’d had diarrhea, which, by the way, they didn’t hear the first time so later I told them again.

I’m well aware that Reglan is a dopamine antagonist, or rather, dopamine reuptake inhibitor. So this is why it is similar to the nausea/antipsychotic pills. Thorazine was originally an antiemetic.

All this would have been okay if I had been a pregnant woman vomiting out of control and I was begging them to “give me something for my stomach.” I did not say that, nor was I vomiting, nor had I been. What’s with these people? Why give a dangerous drug for a condition the patient does not have?

Yes, Reglan is given for migraines, but only the vomiting part of migraines. I had not reported this nor been experiencing this. And I KNOW why they gave the Benadryl. To cover their asses in case I “reacted” to the Reglan. But none of this makes much logical sense in terms of patient care.

On my way out I should have at least been handed information sheets on the “medications” (ahem) I was given WITHOUT INFORMED CONSENT. A warning about suicidal thoughts (I didn’t think any!), which can occur after even one dose, should have been done to cover their butts. Like an information sheet. And a warning about Tardive Dyskinesia, which can also occur, in fact, the frequency is high, which is why the drug is given cautiously.

Finally they handed me Demerol. This wasn’t addressing the headache but at least it was the right pill.

I did not feel any better after the Reglan/Benadryl. It certainly didn’t help my headache. I wonder if they gave it to me because they wanted me “cooperative.” If so, that truly sucks.

I did feel much better after the Demerol. Does this mean I should be “on Demerol.” NO!

Does the fact that the Demerol was given to me mean they “addressed my headache.” NO! They addressed my complaint, but not the root cause of the headache. By the way, I rarely get them.

This is utter waste. Utter waste and stupidity.


Humorous addendum to yesterday

I’m deliberately leaving out keywords since I really don’t want this person who is so, so confident in her Business Model to find my blog here. You guys are gonna laugh at this one.

Here’s the best part of it. I showed up on Friday, on time, and the woman didn’t show up. At all. Apparently she was “stuck on a conference call.” Okay, that can happen. I give leeway. However, get this:

When I made the second appointment, her secretary, or whatever she is, told me over and over, “If you have to cancel…” In other words, they expected me to be some irresponsible diss. They expected a no-show. Why? Who had been the primary no-show? Maybe I should have said, “How about you doing likewise?” But I didn’t. Because I wasn’t thinking fast enough. This was FRIDAY, you guys. I had just gotten over the seizure and was really spacy so I probably looked a wreck. So I can understand why they may have assumed I was irresponsible, given that 99% of people judge others based on physical appearance and profile them, often judging wrong. However, repeating her demands to call ahead was uncalled for!

I showed up a few minutes early. The lady wasn’t there! And….the secretary was just arriving. Oops….Another “member” (paying person) was arriving and tried to punch in the building combination, but the secretary told her the building was open. Okay, so they had assured me the place was “secure.” Why was it now open if no one was there? There are rich lawyers there renting offices for a pretty penny who count on “security,” right? If they were there, their doors were closed and anyone could have walked in. Maybe the secretary just stepped out.

Meanwhile, back on Friday, I met the conserje, the man they hired to do cleanup. I had a decent conversation with him. The other conserje was dispenderon. Fired. Really? Oh, there were “problemos.” Of course I said nothing. But now of course I figure he worked under the Business Model, so….You say something, you go. Or of course it could have been something else. Maybe they didn’t pay him enough to begin with!

I should have asked how many pots of café he makes per day. I bet only one, since there were so few people there. I bet a lot of Killer Coffee gets tossed. Or maybe the other conserje got fired because he felt sad that the café was going to waste, so maybe he decided to take home the part that didn’t get consumed for his familia (to reheat the next morning). Anyone with such great business ethics wouldn’t stand for that. Anyway, I’m speculating.

But here’s the Killer funny part. I showed up at 10. Miss Business Model wasn’t there. So the secretary, who was arriving at the same time as I was, told me to sit down and awkwardly offered me café.  Yeah, I knew what was happening. Miss Business Model either forgot, or assumed I wasn’t showing. So I sat there, joking about how one takes one’s coffee, and waited.

She did show. She was apologetic and I said I totally understood. My guess is that she was not “stuck on a conference call” but actually totally forgot, but I said nothing and let the excuse fly right by. In fact, I pumped her up. “Sure, I understand, some people just keep talking on and on during those calls. It’s so annoying.”

Are you ready for the Killer? During our entire conversation, her dog, who was NOT a puppy and should have known better, was HUMPING HER FOOT. The entire time. Ummmm……

A puppy will do that. A teenage dog will do that. Some young males do that, but not ten year old dogs that you take out in public! Not during a business meeting!

Is this Great Business Model or not? I wasn’t fazed by the humping, but totally amused, to be honest, that she sat there allowing the dog to do this while we spoke! Would she allow this if she was cutting a deal with a lawyer who was inquiriing about renting space from her?

I had a male dog that did this, but he grew out of it, certainly by age 10!!! If they don’t, there are little training tricks you can do to get it to stop. Puzzle never did!

If Miss Business Model truly had great business ethic, she would either retain the tiered membership and then, be honest and not make the claim to be serving the community. As I told her, she is not serving our impoverished town, she is serving nearby wealthy communities. She was furious when I said this. But who shows up? The lawyers, and they don’t live here. So?

Or, she would offer a reasonably-priced membership that was more than two days a month! Geez! It also means not ending dialogue with those who question her extremely high prices, but meeting our struggling community halfway, and considering what we are saying. Sadly, most who have asked and then found out her prices, most likely, walked away shaking their heads in shock. If that didn’t shock them, the dog’s bad behavior turned them away for good.