Dear Men on Ok Cupid,
First of all, if you’re going to send a message to a potential partner, at least put some thought into it. I’ve gotten so many messages saying “Hi sexy” I wonder if this is an auto-response. Please be aware that not all women want to be called “sexy.” Would you walk into your local bank and say that to the bank teller? You won’t get a loan that way!
If you’ve clearly not even read my profile, why are you contacting me? Show me you are truly interested, that we might have a few things in common.
If you live far away, and are faking it that you live nearby, quit trying right now and read the Terms of Service.
Don’t live your life on OK Cupid. I’m not going to be too impressed if you clearly do. I’ll assume you’re a loser. Get a life, live it.
I’m tickled to see some of the same losers on there that I saw a year ago (I was under a different username). One I blocked just to make sure he doesn’t bother. He was listed as “online.” Okay, dude, you STILL haven’t found someone? I didn’t expect you would since you acted like an asshole anyway.
Then there was the guy who claimed he was 65, but looked no younger than 85. And a year later, he’s still living his whole life on OK Cupid, unable to find someone. Still. Hey dude, I’m surprised you are not dead! Get off the thing and take care of your health because when I met you you looked quite terminal. I hope you are not still driving…..
Then there are the ones whose second message is, “Do you like to cuddle?” Oh boy, I do! With Puzzle! Not with a complete stranger! Thankfully that gets them off my case now.
What am I looking for, and will I find it there? Not likely. Not at this rate. Never mind Mr. No Show. Maybe I need to quit before i am bombarded with even worse specimens of potential dates.