Puzzle and I will be visiting a friend for a few days. I am not sure about internet and phone access during that time. I know my friend has mentioned that both can be intermittent. So if I am not blogging, please do not worry!
I notice we live in a hostile world. Do you guys notice that so often people seem to take offense at just about anything? Ever accidentally bump into someone on the street, then even after apologizing appropriately, get yelled at for the next five minutes? Then maybe you’ve noticed.
Some folks think this is regional. They might say, “People in Boston are rude.” But I notice they say that about pretty much anyplace. I’ve heard that about rural areas, urban areas, all sorts of generalizations that simply aren’t true. Of course, you hear that about religions, liberals, conservatives, women, men, kids, teens, older people, “reeetards,” intellectual snobs, students, rednecks, and haven’t we said our share about “shrinks”?
If anyone out there can find one group that’s 100% ruder than another, good luck.
Here’s a fine sample of rudeness I’m laughing over right now. I noticed a group advertised on Meetup that seemed like it had kinda lofty ideals. Okay. I thought the group description ended with a bit of false viewpoint on aging, so I thought I’d clarify with the following:
“Hi, I have not decided if I would like to join the group due to too many prior commitments at this time. However, I read your description with much interest. I am wondering about the last line. Are you aware that getting older is a blessing? It is hardly true that older people cannot learn or have more trouble learning. In fact, older people possess unique wisdom, clarity, hindsight, and perspective that younger people can only dream of acquiring someday in the future. Maybe you want to reconsider the last line there since perhaps you will want to welcome elders to your group.”
I did, in fact, say I was considering joining. I didn’t use words such as, “turnoff” or “offensive.” I only said “reconsider.” However, check out the sarcastic response I received from this person who has never met me:
“Maybe you want to reconsider offering unsolicited advice to strangers based on an assumed understanding; maybe you want to consider asking questions first in the humility of your ignorance before blessing the world with your accumulated wealth of wisdom.”
What’s truly funny was the way the guy boasted about his benevolent personality in his self-description.
I’m awfully glad I’m beyond being insulted by such nonsense. Instead, I find it all just too amusing.
I read about a couple who apparently were having some serious disagreements. He did not allow her to abort her pregnancies. From reading the article (she later miscarried) I had the feeling these were risky pregnancies, but apparently, he would not budge, citing religious reasons. He also did not allow her to see a psychiatrist for religious reasons. Instead, she saw several therapists, a social worker, and had religious counseling. Sounds like therapy overkill to me, Indeed, she had about four or five psych diagnoses. This is ALWAYS suspect. In other words, suspect the shrinks of incompetence or abuse (never mind the husband).
She finally broke under the stress and killed her two living children. Her illness was blamed. Of course. The shrinks and husband walk. What’s wrong with this picture?
The debate seems to be whether she was aware that what she did was wrong. What sense does this make? Somewhere in the law it says that if a person is being horribly abused and then, while being abused by these highly controlling people, kills someone, even if it’s her kids, the abusers are also to blame. Unfortunately, most incorrectly assume shrinks couldn’t possibly abuse.
But as I said, having all those diagnoses on her chart all simultaneously certainly looks to me like total incompetence, if not abuse.
I wrote to the paper posting about the ongoing trial and offered to speak with those concerned, possibly putting them in touch with someone whose word might stand up in court if they wished. I do not expect to hear back today. When I write to newspapers (not Letters to the Editor, just private commentary) I rarely get a response from the reporters. Too bad. If I were rich they’d respond I’ll bet.
Apparently, Marc and Angel want to insult us more, by telling us “it’s time to move on.” Yep, these gurus are setting limits with those of us who, in fact, have the right to grieve, or be pissed off, or feel whatever we feel for however long we need to. No, Marc and Angel are the ones to set the limits. They say no more. And if they say it, and you don’t, you’d better pay money and buy their book or spend bigger money on one of their brainwashing retreats.
But wait, if any of your questionable buddies are Marc and Angel worshipees, they’re bound to point to this article and tell you, “See! I told you to stop talking about it! See what these bloggers are saying?” What a great way to finger-point at you even worse with Marc and Angel on their side. Don’t let that happen.
Stand your ground. We feel what we feel. It is NOT self-abuse to have a feeling!! Absolutely not. This is not even logical. Feelings can’t hurt you. Therefore, if feelings cannot do actual harm, then it’s not self-abuse to feel whatever you feel, and let yourself feel it! No!
It is, however, self-abuse to use harmful chemicals to drown out feelings you can’t stand. It’s self-abuse to hit your head against a brick wall to stop yourself from feeling a feeling. It’s self-abuse to spend money you don’t even have on over-priced gurus just to rid yourself of old feelings that these gurus say it’s time to drop. It’s self-abuse to torture yourself by spending one more minute reading Marc and Angel. For godsakes, do something useful!
Even your dog will be thrilled.
Clothing manufacturers are clearly following the money rather than common sense, nor considering the usefulness of the clothing. The following are my clothing PET PEEVES.
It seem to me that when I zip up a winter jacket, the zipper shouldn’t jam so easily. This can be solved with common sense. Install a better quality zipper. I don’t think this is going to cost the manufacturer that much more, especially for those high-end clothing. And yet, even on the most expensive (and so-called “stylish”) winter jackets, the zippers are the poorest quality possible. Secondly, when they install the zipper, install the flaps that cover the zipper in a way that they don’t get jam it.
Have you ever been in this situation? You’ve been bundled up on a cold day. Your bus was late, so you rush to arrive at your destination. You arrive just on time. As you enter, you are overwhelmed because the place turns out to be unexpectedly overheated. Thankfully, you have time to remove your coat before your event begins and people start to settle down. You remove that expensive jacket only to find the zipper is jammed.
Suddenly, many surround you trying to “help” you with the jammed zipper. You’re already sweating, the multitude of unwanted “helpers” is certainly not welcome right now. Inside, you are seething, noticing that a simple change in jacket design would have prevented this. Why do jacket manufacturers lack common sense?
That was Clothing Pet Peeve #1.
Clothing Pet Peeve #2. Jeans that have tiny, non-functional front pockets. At this point, if I am purchasing sight unseen, I ask the specific measurements of the inside of the pocket. Mini-pockets aren’t too useful, even for bus money or keys, and if you try to put your wallet into a mini front pocket, it’ll show, or even potentially fall out.
Clothing Pet Peeve #3. Jeans with ready-made holes. If kids want holes that badly, they can make them themselves. I don’t want to be cold. I don’t want brand new jeans that already need patches. It makes no sense that more jeans with more holes are more expensive, but there you have it.
Clothing Pet Peeve #4. Clothing for boys is better quality and more utilitarian than clothing for girls. Girls’ clothing is too frilly. The lace and extras can potentially get caught or get in the way. What are they thinking? That girls sit around and act pretty and don’t do anything? That dumb lace is a safety hazard. If I ever purchase in the girls’ department I either avoid the frills or cut them off.
Better yet, shopping in the boys’ department, I find much more practical styles. I can’t stand the cute Princess and teddy bear decals they put all over girls’ clothing. Why do they insult girls that way? Isn’t this a setup? We’re not even grown yet, and already, they’re insulting us by handing us demeaning, inferior quality clothes that cost twice as much.
Pet Peeve #5. I can’t tell you when the last time was that I ever shopped in the “para damas” department because women’s clothing worldwide is rarely made with logic in mind. Have you ever shopped in the women’s department and found that what you bought had fallen apart before you even got it home?
Sometimes I see an attractive-looking dress and think I might want one. But upon second look I realize that any woman who wears this has to be about seven feet tall. Maybe only the mannequin, eh? At my height, I could hem the dress and then extract from it an entire matching scarf, but I don’t think it’s worth it.
What I actually do purchase, occasionally, is a pair of leggings for running, but only on sale. I’m not too fussy but I sure don’t want animal prints. I bought some boys’ boxers, a three-pack on sale, also for running, and have yet to need to sew up the “fly” since I’m not using them to sit anywhere in public and my shirt covers that part. I wear plain t-shirts that I get for roughly a dollar if possible, these come in a small adult size, or larger kids’ size. The kids’ size has the advantage of not going all the way down to my knees. If I need jeans, I have discovered the best place to get them is probably a well-organized second-hand store, or a seller such as EBay.
A word about EBay: EBay is a seller’s market. EBay will side with the seller most of the time in disputes, so buy accordingly. In my opinion, very few things are worth your while to purchase on EBay for this reason, unless you are really sure the seller is reputable (many cross-sell on Amazon and elsewhere, and have real storefronts). I have seen my share of sleeziness on there. I have usually had very good luck purchasing clothing on EBay, however. Think of it as a yard sale and look for the dirt cheap prices. Look for people emptying out their attics. That I know of, this was what EBay was originally for. I get all my jeans that way, usually paying no more than seven dollars a pair. Sometimes I find a two-pack for a bargain price. Many ebay sellers ship free, and even worldwide. You can even get stuff shipped from China (I might even check into that).
That I know of, “smoke-free household” is meaningless because even if the previous owner smoked heavily and the home reeked, you can get the smell out of most clothing in one or two washings if it isn’t out already. Unless it’s an expensive, overpriced fur coat (but who would want one?). It’s the upholstery, rugs, linoleum, and walls of a smoker’s home that are the problem. Forever.
Shopping at a second-hand store can be frustrating, especially for clothing. I don’t bother except for winter jackets. I find used jackets are better quality. They don’t have the zipper-jam problem. Even if they do, I’ve only lost $6 if I end up with a dud. I don’t bother with changing rooms, either. I don’t go through the racks and racks and racks and racks….Not unless the store is well-organized. I don’t understand why so many thrift stores organize shirts by color. Red shirts here, blue shirts on this rack. Why not organized by size? Clothes for shrimps like me over in one corner where tall folks won’t have any interest whatsoever.
One day, I saw a short man, only a few inches taller than me, in the second-hand clothing store, looking around quite frustrated at the lack of available short-people clothing. Had I known, I would have sent him next door to the para niños place right next door, where they also sold clothing for children right up through teenage years (I’ve lucked out there myself).
Pet Peeve # (what number am I on, anyway?) Six. 6. Hats. Winter hats with those long braid-like things. I like these because they actually cover your ears. I also like the softness inside. Some are scooped out in front. The ones that aren’t scooped out interfere with my eyeglasses! The braid-like things ALWAYS end up dipped into in my morning coffee! What the heck else are they for except to annoy us like that? The only time I truly like them is when it’s cold enough to tie my hat onto my head. I have one that I tie onto my head at night when it’s very cold. That is a cool practical use for those things. If you drink coffee, you’ve already found out the drawbacks. Grrr….
(Yes, I still keep my hair in a braid, and it has indeed ended up in my coffee now and then, but not on a daily basis like these hat thingies.)
Some hats don’t even cover my ears so they’re not too useful. Or they don’t stay on. Or they itch like mad. Or they are not snug enough, or too snug. Some hats slide right between my eyes and my eyeglasses. Grrr.. Or eyeglasses wearers just can’t wear them.
What are your clothing pet peeves? Annoying brand names advertised all over the clothes? Nasty-looking colors and prints? Insulting “Fat clothes” that are not complimentary no matter who wears them? Raincoats with shoulder pads that make you look like a football player? (I had one that I ended up tossing.) Belts that do nothing (except fall apart)? Clothes so poorly designed they could kill you? I heard a young child was literally to death by his own scarf recently. That has been happening for a century now, by the way. What is the most annoying, impractical, or downright awkward clothing you’d love to see done with and gone?
My feelings about cross-posting are mixed. The whole reason I am doing it right now are because I asked in a Facebook post “Does anyone want me to post blog posts” and I received a few “yes” answers. What has resulted? It’s gone back to the way it was before. I get very little, if any, feedback. I suspect people just don’t care. People read the first couple of sentences and don’t read any further. If that. Or they skip over the entries altogether. Overall, mostly, it looks like just like before, my posts go completely ignored, though there are a few that are stopping by. But what is the point of posting on Facebook if there’s no interest? Why not, instead, have those select readers who are indeed interested subscribe here, instead of posting to a dead audience on Facebook?
Even worse, to my shock, I get ignorant, insensitive people saying stuff to me like, “Hey, Julie, why don’t you start a blog?” and really, what can you say to such an insulting question? I’ve been blogging since the days when no one had heard of blogging and I probably write more than most who call themselves writers. (Please tell Rihanna, “Hey have you tried singing, you have such a pretty voice….” and see the reaction you get. Not trying to compare myself to Rihanna, but comparing the insult and ignorance.)
Another insult I got a while back that honestly, I can’t get out of my head and have a hard time letting go of was when a fellow alum said to me, “Oh, I didn’t know you were still writing.”
Yeah, it’s too shocking, an outrage really. I was disgusted and didn’t know what to say except to share with you all’s the lack of respect, the outright indecency and disdain revealed in that tiny remark.
I can only look back and say, “I don’t need your conferences, your publicists, your book sales, your money, your prestige, those famous elite you brown-nose with. Go hang out with the greats, you snobs. You deserve ’em. I am fine, doing okay, past all that, I do not need nor want the sales pitches now. Take your $$$ and shove it.”
As the song says, “The kid is all right.” And I am.
This is a case of wrongful use of seclusion and restraints at McLean Hospital in 1998. I have never spoken of this before because I feared dishonoring the memory of my late boyfriend. I know, however, that McLean was at fault. I know the hospital will only say I am crazy. I also know some of the employees or former employees will back what I am saying. It is likely that they recall these events and will wholeheartedly agree, especially if they no longer have ties to this institution. Also, if any former patients recall these events, most likely they, too, will remember what I remember. Again, I did not come forward because I had ethical questions, but now I realize since McLean was to blame I should say something.
They put my boyfriend, Joe, who was paralyzed in his feet and below the knees, into a seclusion room and took away his wheelchair and any means to leave the room via crutches. He had only a bed in there, maybe a pillow, probably sheets or a blanket, maybe not, though. If they felt like it. They just left him there. On that unit they had a bathroom that could be used by the patient in the seclusion room if necessary, a single bathroom, but he couldn’t use it. He couldn’t get to it. They just left him there in that room, all day long.
Did they do anything for him? No. Nothing. They left him there, claiming they were short-staffed whenever I asked.
I went to visit daily. Every day. They let him smoke sometimes. Somehow he was allowed to go out and then they made him go back to seclusion.
Here’s the bad part. He told me they did not bring him any means to pee. Joe did not pee the way the rest of you men pee. He used a catheter. Catheters are tubes that let the pee out. This was due to damage to his bladder. So he used a tube. But the tubes, which were disposable rubber tubes, had to be brought to him. They didn’t.
Or, they’d bring a catheter but they didn’t bring a vessel to pee in, such as a urinal. Or allow him to go to that nearby bathroom. Or he’d fill the urinals they’d supply and then, refuse to empty the ones they’d brought. This was a technical problem, a much more common one than anyone realizes.
They Don’t Let You Pee. The No Pee Problem.
The No Pee Problem adds up. If you aren’t allowed to pee, if you are forced to hold it, you can develop medical problems. If you already have a damaged bladder, this can be extremely serious. Joe and I exchanged glances.
“They know this,” he said. “They know what will happen.”
He ended up with a very serious UTI. He got blamed 100% and the hospital took none of that blame. He had to have life-changing surgery as a result. After the surgery his self-esteem plummeted. Adjusting to a stoma was difficult.
None of those “staff” even thought that the man in seclusion had to pee, because he was a human being just like all of us. What if they had to come to work with a stoma every day?
All they did was yell at him, if I recall correctly. They said he was a nuisance.
The doctors called him an “interesting case.” To those doctors, I’d like to remind you we patients aren’t specimens, we’re human, just like you, like your wife and kids.
In most states. the law says a patient in restraints has to be let out and “checked” medically every two hours. And also “checked” every 15 minutes. How often have I seen this done? NOT ONCE. Zero. Never. It is often documented in the patient’s chart that it WAS done, but it is NEVER done in reality. NEVER. I have never once seen the law followed in regard to restraints and seclusion on psych wards.
None of this justifies restraints and seclusion. The fact that these staff cannot even follow the very basics of the laws and instead, rushes to extremes of cruelty, always resorted to illegal means, makes the use of these inhumane practices clearly questionable to any logical thinker.
I think it was in Nebraska where a guy was put on pills for his back problem. These caused him to temporarily become delusional. He tried to break into a neighbor’s home and explained to his neighbor that he was taking over the property, that it belonged to his ancestors. The perplexed neighbor called the cops and the man was put away. Unfortunately, the man was unable to explain to the attending psychiatrists what had occurred. They insisted he had some “illness” he wasn’t aware of. For the next 20 years he was told this until someone finally listened. He sued the State and won millions. Imagine the losses.
What is the lesson learned here. Are we to say that this was an unusual occurrence? No! It isn’t! This is a commonplace occurrence. Realize that a commitment hearing takes ten minutes, deciding a person’s fate for the next six months. Who are the witnesses in such a hearing? The state is witness and the judge, who is an employee of the state, decides. Who holds the patient as prisoner? The state. Who benefits? The state gets paid thousands PER DAY. Who pays? Taxpayers. And the patient, who is losing his life, a life that could otherwise be spent productively and creatively like anyone else.
Who are these patients? I saw them and met them. Many were put away because their grades weren’t quite good enough. A few C’s. (Do you qualify?) Or they didn’t want to major in what their parents wanted them to major in. Or they wanted to divorce their spouses but someone disagreed. Or they wanted children but someone didn’t want them to have kids, or vice versa.
Or their parents did not like the way they wore their hair.
Or one day, the unfortunate patient said to her mom and dad, “Hey, I think I might be a lesbian.”
Or one day he got caught smoking pot in the basement. Has that ever happened to you?
Or her husband hit her, but when she tried telling the police, the husband told the police dude (who was his buddy) “Oh no, she is delusional and needs a counselor. She needs to talk to someone and get this straightened out. I think she’s been drinking again.” One-third of the women in the nuthouses were such discarded wives and divorce did not usually end the cycle, especially when kids were involved.
That pretty much accounted for most everyone I ever met in the nuthouse. That ole question, “What are you in here for?” We’d go around the room asking it, just like college students asking, “What’s your major?”
Has anyone run into problems playing the audio files I have posted? These can be both downloaded, if you wish, or played right in the browser. I keep trying to point them out. Those who have listened to me have given me very helpful and positive feedback, and I thank you for that.
What is sad is that I am noticing they simply aren’t getting played! People flat out refuse to listen! They rudely make excuses! Sorry, no time! Later, I have to see the doc! Another possibility could be the fear factor, that folks are just plain scared to hear me, afraid to hear my voice. Maybe their old fears creep back, the Julie the Violent, Subhuman Mental Patient fears. A lot of folks are still afraid of me, and they have these ideas about me that I have these negative powers to do a lot of evil stuff I really don’t do (such as ruin people’s recovery, or that I am “pro-ana,” etc.). I think many are still afraid of me after all these years. Afraid that if they hear my voice, some sort of “vibes” or “aura” will rub off on them. Or “negative energy.” That’s complete baloney. That they’ll catch it, too. This is such nonsense, but many believe this total fiction even after all this time has passed. I suspect this is the main reason why my audio files do not get played.
However, if you are truly running into technical problems let me know.
I don’t hate Trump supporters.
I don’t hate people who don’t agree with me.
I argue with them a lot. But I don’t hate them.
I might hate too many arguments but I do not hate the people who are vehicles for those arguments.
I don’t think it is a terrible sin to use the word hate.
I don’t think it’s okay to tell another person not to use the word “hate,” nor is it okay to silence another by saying that “hate” is a bad word or “triggering.”
In fact, sometimes, telling another person, “Hey, that’s triggering!” is an aggressive statement. Maybe we need to curb that a bit.
I don’t hate Trump supporters.
I changed my mind a lot, too.
I used to think I had a mental illness
I used to call myself all kinds of disease-names.
Now, I don’t.
It was very hard for me, painful, in fact, to realize I was wrong.
It is fine to change your mind. We all have that right.
I don’t hate Trump supporters.
Trump supporters are human, too.Trump is human, and he got elected president.
Someone has to get elected.
And chances are, whoever it is,
Someone is going to hate that person.
I highly doubt he is subhuman, nor a monster,
Nor does he have the superhuman nor Evil powers people claim he has.
Hate does odd things, including magical thinking around a person,
Both good and bad. I suspect the power he does have
Comes because he is president,
Because he is backed by corporations
By money, and by many other rich people.
And not by some evil supernatural force.
And folks, he is not the Devil nor Antichrist. If you believe this,
Kindly examine your values, your religious beliefs,
And your sense of reality. Maybe your hatred and GroupThink
And gang mentality
Has truly gotten away with you.
Kindly get back to reality here.
I am not a Trump supporter. I didn’t vote for him.
But I don’t hate those that did.
I don’t waste my energy that way.
In fact, how many times have I mentioned him in this blog? I bet
I have mentioned him more times in this one entry than in all entries, all together. And how many entries have I written? Four thousand? Something like that. I have not wasted my breath nor my sloppy typing. Don’t bother. We have other things to accomplish, other missions here. Let’s get a move on.