I was trained well by my former friends, part 2

My former friends said my complaints were not even legitimate. Yet they complained all the time! Usually, the prefaced their complaints with wording such as, “I don’t usually complain, but….” and what followed was the same ole shit I have been hearing for years. Of course, it was okay to say all that shit since their complaints were supposedly valid and mine weren’t so I was shamed into silence or into being unfriended. Or repeatedly threatened by being called a bad friend in some way, which IS a threat, such as, “You always talk about your problems. Why is this a one-way friendship,” while I wondered why I kept hearing the same ole and never said a word (except smirked to myself).  Because anything I said got an eye-roll and dismissed as “paranoid.”

I suppose now, years later, maybe a few regret having saying what they said. Maybe they looked up diabetes insipidus (among other things) and realized they were wrong all along. Maybe they realize it but don’t have the fucking guts to admit it. Maybe now, years later, they realize it’s possible to be abused by a therapist because maybe now they’ve heard a few stories. Maybe it happened to them or to their kids or spouses. Maybe now they realize they were wrong to accuse me of paranoia when in fact what I claim happened really happened. Admitting fault is about the hardest thing anyone ever chooses to do, so I don’t expect anything but more bullshit and I don’t want my old friends back, either.

Who will stand up for you in the end? You. Who will show up when no one else does? You. Even if you do not show up, if you cancel at the last minute, you are where you are, where you didn’t show, where you lay hiding, because you chose to remain in hiding, but there you are. Right there all along.

I got trained well by my former friends

My ex-friends sure did a number on me. I feel ashamed to admit it now if I am feeling down. I feel ashamed even to admit if I feel tired or discouraged. I keep hearing in my  memory their overly-critical voices telling me it’s not okay to express such feelings, that to do so is (and then, they used their fancy language) “passive-aggressive,” which they thought was so cool, or, maybe “manipulative.” My current friends (who I hope are better friends) tell me this is sad, that it’s sad that I was repeatedly shamed over how I felt.

Is this true in all professions?

I want to know opinions from people out there in various professional fields. Is hypocrisy the norm out there? Is this a sign of the times, or has this always been the case?

Religious people who aren’t particularly honest or true to humanitarian ideals, such as priests who molest little boys or steal from their churches?

Businessmen who preach great business ethics but steal from their shareholders and partners and rip off their customers?

Lovers who go on and on about what great lovers they are, but love someone else instead?

Psychiatrists who “treat” women telling them they are bad mothers, then these same doctors go home and terrorize their own kids.

Writers who talk and talk and talk about how much money they make writing, but never write anything, and then, criticize writers who write for not making a cent.

People who write blogs about how terrible “racists” are, how “racists” are  truly “narcissists” and that the “narcs” is a disease that is spreading and that these diseased people should be put in quarantine or wiped off the earth, and then, continue to say that they aren’t racists themselves. Really?

Lesbians who refuse to speak to bisexual monogamous women due to their possible past contact with a man, then turn around and complain about widespread homophobia.

People who claim they are “mentally ill” and really believe the “chemical imbalance” hype who condemn teens that commit acts of violence such as school shootings. “They were not like me. It couldn’t have been caused by the same type of drugs I take. He must have been a monster. An exception. A real non-human.”

A mental health professional who makes a claim to be “different” or “better than the rest.” I have yet to see one, and I am extremely skeptical of anyone who boasts of being “kind” or “humane” or similar claim. If they continuously boast of such things, don’t believe it. I am often shocked at how they act when their patients are not around.

I am likewise extremely skeptical of any program or facility making similar claims. I have seen many. I was also given similar promises over the years. Almost always, my hopes were quickly smashed to bits. Most of these programs were no different, nothing special, often overpriced or made completely false claims.

Ten Very Real Brain Disorders (that are not mental illnesses)

Here is a partial list of very real, measurable changes that can happen in a person’s brain, possibly causing problems.

  1. An injury to the brain, caused by a blow to the head such as a car accident, being hit on the head resulting in concussion, or hitting one’s head during a fall.
  2. Incision caused by surgery, such as removal of a tumor.
  3. Damage caused by non-invasive medical procedure, such as electroshock.
  4. Damage to the brain caused by growth of cancerous cells.
  5. Parkinson’s Disease.
  6. Alzheimer’s Disease.
  7. Lewy Body Dementia, which is somewhat like Parkinson’s, involving involuntary movements.
  8. Huntington’s Disease, which can also involve involuntary movements similar to Parkinson’s.
  9. Seizures. These involve electrical signaling inside the brain that can be seen using an electroencephelogram (EEG). I hope I spelled that right! Some types of seizures can be life-threatening and very frightening. The person having the seizure might lose consciousness, fall down, or involuntarily lose urinary function. This can be dangerous in traffic and some people who have epilepsy are advised not to drive.  Other types of seizures are barely perceived by observers.
  10. Some types of infections can affect brain tissue. Lyme is one of these, as is syphillis.
  11. If an alcoholic continues to drink, measurable brain damage can occur. Brain damage can also result from many types of drugs.
  12. Stroke. Strokes usually occur in older people but can happen to younger folk, too. A TIA involves a blood vessel that bursts inside the brain and damages the brain tissue. Sometimes, one side of the body is affected, or speech and motor ability is affected. A stroke can also kill a person. A person can recover from a stroke in time.

All of these are measurable. All can affect cognition, and can also affect mood and quality of life. None are mental illnesses. They can cause the affected person to act crazy and maybe annoy other people but their annoyance is still not a mental illness. Not until you bring in a psychiatrist into the picture, since these fake doctors need to put their fingers into the pie and muck things up.

NAMI Fact Sheet LIES…….

The following is my commentary on a “fact sheet” from NAMI New York. This is some material from the URL http://www.naminys.org/nys/educational-materials/ Here, what you see in italics is what I have copied verbatim, directly off the NAMI page. Here and there I am replying, as I see fit, with commentary of my own, in non-italics.

Here are some important facts about mental illness and recovery:

Please note: Much of what NAMI tells you ain’t facts!

  • Mental illnesses are biologically based brain disorders. BTW, the “brain disorder” theory was disproven almost immediately after it was proposed. There is no scientific evidence of any brain disorder in those with the so-called major mental illnesses such as schizophrenia or bipolar. They cannot be overcome through “will power” and are not related to a person’s “character” or intelligence. The implication here is that these so-called “brain diseases” are permanent conditions that will not go away on their own nor can they possibly be transient or outgrown. This is false, as many are indeed temporary, or can be overcome by changing one’s life circumstances, growth, maturity, improved physical health, changing one’s environment, nutritional changes, or improving one’s relationships.
  • Mental disorders fall along a continuum of severity. Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 Americans — who suffer from a serious mental illness. It is estimated that mental illness affects 1 in 5 families in America.
  • The World Health Organization has reported that four of the ten leading causes of disability in the US and other developed countries are mental disorders. The implication here is that the disability is caused by the mental disorder itself, however the disability is more likely caused b the treatment of the disorder, such as incarceration, poverty, chemicals, electroshock, unemployment, and marginalization. By 2020, Major Depressive illness will be the leading cause of disability in the world for women and children. By 2020, antidepressants will put millions more people on disability and will effectively shorten their lives.
  • Mental illnesses usually strike individuals in the prime of their lives, often during adolescence and young adulthood. All ages are susceptible, but the young and the old are especially vulnerable. This is why the Mental Health System is so effective at silencing the very young, before the are able to enter the workforce, and ending the lives of older adults quickly and subversively, before the elderly financially overburden the wealthiest taxpayers.
  • Without treatment the consequences of mental illness for the individual and society are staggering: Actually, this is completely false. Statistics tell us that those who refuse treatment actually do better! This according to studies cited by Robert Whitaker in Anatomy of an Epidemic. Check it out if you haven’t already. ….unnecessary disability And who puts those compliant mental patients on disability in the first place?, unemployment, substance abuse, homelessness, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives As a person whose life was wasted by psychiatry, I’d say the opposite, had I been noncompliant soonoer I could have had a productive life!; The economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than 100 billion dollars each year in the United States. Here, I can only speak for myself. The economic burden of treating fake illnesses is staggering. Now that I refuse “treatment” I never needed I am hardly costing the US taxpayers anything at all. My contributions to society (such as writing this right now) robably outweigh the small amount that gets paid out to me still.
  • The best treatments for serious mental illnesses today are highly effective (causing organ damage, brain damage, shortening lives by an average of 25 years); between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reduction of symptoms and improved quality of life with a combination of pharmacological and psychosocial treatments and supports. Meaning you’re on drugs for life and whatever job you have is probably minimal, “supported,” or “supervised.”
  • With appropriate effective medication and a wide range of services tailored to their needs, most people who live with serious mental illnesses can significantly reduce the impact of their illness and find a satisfying measure of achievement and independence so long as you are continuously monitored forever and ever. A key concept is to develop expertise in developing strategies to manage the illness process. Again, the implication here is that these are real illnesses that are permanent, and this notion is completely false.
  • Early identification and treatment is of vital importance. Here NAMI, coupled with the drug companies, are getting scary, since drugging our children is certainly not going to make them healthier. By ensuring access to the treatment and recovery supports that are proven effective They have not been proven effective NOR safe, recovery is accelerated and the further harm related to the course of illness is minimized. This, too, has been shown to be false.
  • Stigma erodes confidence that mental disorders are real, treatable health conditions. This is circular logic. Treatment, much of which is abusive, doesn’t just erode confidence, it devastes people and ruins lives! We have allowed stigma and a now unwarranted sense of hopelessness Much of treatment is hopelessness-based, pushing the notion of the permanent brain disorder…I call that hopeless! to erect attitudinal, structural and financial barriers to effective treatment and recovery. It is time to take these barriers down. It’s time to take down the walls that incarcerate human beings, the walls of these institutions, and LET MY PEOPLE GO.

    Thanks, NAMI…….More circular logic to go into the circular file asap……

NAMI News: How on earth do they know for sure about the “untreated”?

Check out this bit of propaganda from NAMI:

This was taken from their “fact sheet” from the NAMI New York site.  Note the percent figure on the left. Think about it for a second.  You figure a year ago, a certain number of adults were called “mentally ill.” Why? There’s one way, and one way only, to be diagnosed as mentally ill. Do you know how?

  1. See a mental health professional.

This will do the trick just fine. So, as I figure, that population saw a mental health professional and got themselves their diagnoses. Then, a year later, 6 out of 10 of the diagnosees were not seeing mental health professionals nor getting any mental health “care.” This means, according to the pie graph, they were “untreated.”

So this is supposed to be tragic. Really? What the pie graph is leaving out is the possibility, which NAMI doesn’t tell us, that maybe they got better! Or maybe changed their minds. Or decided that “treatment” wasn’t particularly helpful. Or that they wanted to stay that way and liked themselves the way they were.  If they aren’t currently being seen, nor evaluated by a mental health professional, then who shall it be to determine if they are *currently* mentally ill, simply because they were determined to be mentally ill a year ago, especially since it’s all in the eye of the diagnoser anyway.

So there.

As for the second pie graph, when it comes to kids, again, most of the time, the  kids are all right!!! The school systems are the ones that are fucked up, folks.

That will be $100 please, pay on your way out. It had better be way, way out……

Anthrophobia…probably the closest and most accurate word…..

Anthrophobia means fear of people but of course it’s just a silly Greek word that can be bent around to mean “fear of guests.” Here’s a forum that more accurately describes what I have been going through pretty much my entire adult life:


So you can see this person isn’t shy, he/she (I’m not sure which) just feels self-conscious about having people over. And you can see there’s a reason, an origin, perhaps a memory triggered, something he’s reminded of, that intrusive landlady. I hear that if there’s a reason it’s not really a phobia. They say if you’re scared of horses because you were thrown from one, then it’s trauma, it’s not a phobia. Like my fear of doctors, it’s due to trauma, it’s not some unreasonable fear. Besides, it keeps me healthy! So it’s kind of a good one to have.

From what I recall, the fear came out of the blue when I was 22.  Honestly, I jump hearing a knock, or a gust of wind that Puzzle thinks is one. But i’m not afraid to have Puzzle around. She is my best friend.

I suppose this sort of thing is best left alone. As is. Because really, the wind doesn’t knock that loudly that often. Usually, it’s only a breeze, only a hint. That reminder. But the day it does, firmly and for real, will be the day God comes to get me. Then, I will open the door. You can come in. Because I will not be here anymore.

You too?

I started having this phobia at 22, described in this forum. Looks like there’s no particular name for it:


I am not shy nor agoraphobic (though some in the above discussion state that they are). I don’t have stage fright and am not afraid to attend classes nor am I afraid to raise my hand in classes to ask a question. I not afraid to teach a class and enjoy occasionally leading discussions if I am asked to do so. I don’t think twice about striking up a fun conversation with a complete stranger, and I do that at times.  I don’t think twice about joking around at bus stops or thanking the bus driver.

I remember years ago  mentioning the “dropping by” phobia to my therapists. They disregarded it or jeered at me. After all that therapy, I am still afraid of people “dropping by.” The fear is completely unchanged by therapy.

Wow, what a waste….And those therapists got paid, too. In so many ways therapy made it worse due to the added therapy-induced fear of “sectioning” and the state hospital threat that hung over me for about a year. I still get scared when Puzzle barks at the door, acting like someone’s there. I pick her up and peek out. It IS scary.

I gotta laugh. It’s almost always the neighborhood gato. I am not sure which house he belongs to. We know the two doggies next door, too, and the one around the corner. One of them next door is a Big Baby! A niño.  He’s too big for his own good and as is typical for his adolescent puppyhood, seems to trip over his own paws every time he sees Puzzle. We like him! Next to him is this tiny (I mean tiny), quiet and polite black dog. I think the tiny one is a niño also. Thankfully, he seems to be reasonably mature. He and Puzzle and laugh off the larger one’s antics.

The perro around the corner makes huge drama over Puzzle, but only when Puzzle shows up in the wrong place at the wrong time (in his rather random opinion). Other than that, as far as I can tell he snoozes all day, as most dogs do. There’s yet another rather handsome male down the street who I think is older than Puzzle, so old that he’d be robbing the cradle should they court each other. On the other street I noticed dos hermanos, large ones, same breed. They very well may not be hermanos, but I can make up stories all I want till I find out for sure.

All of these are “safe” since none will “drop by.” They’re not scary humans, after all, nor do they threaten, nor get nosy, nor ask obnoxious questions. They may occasionally nag me for a scratch behind the ears, or, if I have a morsel of food, perhaps ask that I share a bite of it.

Fraud and bias

I am appalled at who is getting nailed in these fraud cases and how these cases are publicized. I am wondering why the most petty of fraud cases are even making it into the news, such as a welfare mom collecting benefits who has an ebay business on the side, someone barely getting by anyway, embarrassing the person as if they are a felon or danger to society while all they are doing is trying to get by like anyone else.

Meanwhile the more criminal fraud cases are “protected” by gag orders, criminals who truly harm other human beings. I am thinking of doctors who fraudulently overprescribe, or do unnecessary surgeries or unnecessary electroshock, or who coerce people into hospitals via “conditional voluntary” or keep patients there longer than agreed upon, or who use force via “sectioning,” or who order the use of restraints, forced injections, or lengthy seclusion on a whim. Other human rights abuses such as cutting off contact with friends and relatives and denial of privacy are rarely validated but these are harmful, too. The harms that are done to these patients are invariably downplayed in the media and often the identities of these doctors and “staff” are protected by the courts.

Meanwhile the media showers us with stories of welfare moms who steal a few bucks just to get by and feed their kids. And these doctors continue to do their power plays, often done to scare welfare moms back into submission, ensure their kids are taken away, and then, pat themselves on their backs for every job well done.

Looks like the Boston Globe did something decent for a change…..

Apparently an expose in the Globe shed light on police beatings (more than one) of homeless folks in Boston. This sparked TD Bank’s ending their contract with the security company that had formerly patroled at TD Garden. The name of the company was Allied Universal. Apparently these incidents were caught on camera and also there were witnesses. One witness had seen beatings or evidence of beatings on more than one occasion as apparently she traveled through that area to and from her workplace. One of these beatings involved using a man’s cane and beating him so badly that his facial bones broke in two places. I didn’t read today’s article but the other one I saw said that at that time, officials hadn’t come to any conclusions yet nor had charges been made against the officers but it looked like that would happen. I don’t subscribe to the Boston Globe but occasionally I glance at the headlines. i can’t support the paper after all that hype over the “dangerousness” of “untreated mentally ill.” After all, as many of us know, “treatment” can be hazardous to your health. Risky business.