Wake up, dude, you have a new job!

Breaking alert in my inbox tells me D. Trump is leaving his business to attend to being prez. Does this strike you as odd news? The dude has a new job, so does it make sense that he might have to leave his old job to take the new one?

Well, those of us unemployed folks face this daily. When we are interviewed, if we make it that far, we get asked about our current jobs. We can say, “Oh, I can leave my job, but of course I gotta give notice,” which is a flat out lie, or we can say, “I can start anytime,” which is the truth since all day long we apply, apply, apply, getting nowhere but who wants to admit to that?

“Maybe I can squeeze in the orientation,” we say. Faking it that we might be able to schedule it. Because of course, we’re so much in high demand.

Lately if I don’t feel like talking to someone, I say, “Hold on, I’ll call you back, I am in a teleconference.” It sounds so classy. Even though it’s pure bullshit. Or maybe, “I have a meeting scheduled soon. Can I get back to you.” Sounds better than, “I’m standing in the unemployment line right now,” or, “I’m coming back from the food pantry lugging bags of day-old bread, rice and mac and cheese, do you mind calling later?”

Please do not say, “I’m at my shrink’s office.” You all’s know better. And if you’re at the pharmacy, you’re “picking up your elderly neighbor’s blood pressure pill.” It sounds so benevolent and charitable, sure to impress an employer. Unless the employer is an alternative medicine dude. Then, of course, you’re picking up vitamins and expensive herbs at Whole Foods.

Okay, I am totally in the mood for joking around….

You guys know I love combining stuff. Here’s a great combo:

Dogs, AOT, and flag-burning.

One day, I was walking down the street with Puzzle and we happened upon some mini-American flags stuck in a public park garden. Now as you know, they really do look tempting as potties, don’t they? For doggies. They might as well be twigs, or shrubbery. So, while I’m…er…staring at my cell phone wondering which bill collector is calling now, Puzzle sneaks in a little pee. On the American flag. Aw, you know, she probably couldn’t resist….After all, her boyfriend the retriever mix did it on the flag earlier today.

Uh-oh. Trump was watching. Caught Puzzle in the act.

Who will be fined, or, who will go to prison? Me or Puzzle? It’s a terrible crime, isn’t it? Which will it be, dog or owner?

Given that Puzzle is certifiably and delightfully nuts (upon seeing chicken liver, she sure acts it), or, perhaps, I am, according to my old medical records, maybe instead, according to the new laws, one of us will end up committed to Assertive Outpatient Treatment. This means court-ordered.

Which will it be, doggie or owner? Gee, I hope it’s Puzzle.

The state would pay for doggie day care, and she’d love it. Pampered daily, trips to the vet where she would be showered with attention, played with and told she’s cute, and court-ordered to eat liver treats. I highly doubt she will need one iota of force, folks.

The best part is increased funding for it. So Puzzle gets her cake and eats it, too. All for having gone potty. Shall we do it again? More liver!

Oh, piss on those new laws, please! Here comes genocide….Puzzle, can you tear this new bill to shreds before all that gets enacted in the first place?

Next time you all’s walk your dogs, please think of us. And watch out for those red, white, and blue flags, please. Crime usually does not pay. Except by taxpayers, of course, to keep innocent people who have committed petty crimes under lock and key.

This is how brainwashed I used to be….

I wrote this right here in my blog some ten years ago…

“I have taken Thorazine since I was 25 years old, on and off.  It was the first drug invented that was effective in treating psychosis.  The newer “atypical” antipsychotics are more commonly prescribed nowadays, but they are expensive and have their own side effects.

“One shrink of mine told me to think of Thorazine as my friend.  Does that sound ridiculous?  I don’t think so.  Thorazine works.  It has been a more faithful friend to me than most humans have been.

“You may ask why I have chosen, or, rather, ended up with a friend who comes with so much baggage.

“If you consider the side effects of mental illness, you may find the answer.  Imagine losing all your friends, the support of family, your self-respect and the respect of others.  One of the worst side effects of mental illness is discrimination, in its many forms.

“All these are side effects of mental illness.  This list doesn’t include the symptoms of mental illnesses, severe problems that I would be living with if it weren’t for Thorazine and the other medications I take.

“Imagine losing your home, your rights, your job and any future job prospects, your education, your freedom, your life.

“No wonder I take those little orange pills.”


Now, wait a sec. (this is me speaking in 2016). Side effects of mental illness? Doesn’t that mean “effect of treatment”? I would say so. So I was saying “losing your friends” didn’t come from “symptoms” but was indirectly caused by “illness,” in other words, it resulted from hospitalization and pills. They didn’t want to hang out with a known nutcase who paced all day and had been locked up. Does that make sense?

Now where does discrimination come from? Again, why was I discriminated against? Because people could tell. I paced, I had zits and a sunburn, I went to a “program,” I hung around with other rather obvious nutcases (they paced and talked to themselves and didn’t bathe and wore filthy clothes). So after a while, I think folks figured it out.

I had this neighbor way back when, a guy, who continuously spoke of “group” and how great it was. He had this huge Zyprexa belly, poor guy.  I kept promising myself to take him aside and inform him, “Hey, dude, stop talking about your group, okay? You are making it obvious that you’re a mental patient. You’re asking for discrimination. Do you want that? You’ll be treated very badly if you keep this up.” I never told him. I wish I had.

Know who it was who told me Thorazine was my friend? Dr. Capers. I wonder why he said that except he was seriously a nutcase himself. Back then some of the docs I saw were taking the stuff. I swear another one of my docs had TD, too. It took me years in hindsight to realize it wasn’t seizures that made him jerk his mouth like that. Don’t worry, the guy’s dead I’m sure. He won’t hurt you from the grave, but he’s probably still pacing away.



I just wrote this

I just came up with another chapter and I thought I would share this paragraph with you all.

“I can say that it is worth all the sturm und drang in the end. It is worth it to experience the full joy of adulthood. It is worth it to know you are the person you always were. It is worth it for the freedom and enjoying the human rights you should have had in the first place. It is worth it to wake up in the morning feeling decent. That, in a nutshell, is what I always wanted. To be me. I have that now. It took a long time and much work to get where I am. It took losing many friends, many relocations, and going flat broke, but I can say that for a person nearly 60 years old I am healthier and happier than I have been in years.”

Joy posts

A friend of mine, well, an ex friend since I never hear from her anymore once posted this thing on Facebook about Joy. She said the world was so joyful or some such thing. Or that all the world was joy. Wow, she got a string of praises and likes for that one. At least 50 of admirers who praised her up and down. I noticed this. It made me feel worse. I hated her for it.

I didn’t feel joyful at the time, though often I tried to. I wondered why no one even cared. Everyone seemed to praise my friend. Yet no one cared about me, not even this friend. When I tried to contact those I had thought were my friends, they still didn’t care, they never wrote back, nor called me back when I called. This was getting frustrating. I felt less joyful, that was for sure.

I wonder what she is thinking. Is she still so fucking joyful, praising this thing called joy and getting a zillion “likes” for her lovely positivity? Oh, you can lie all you want. Or maybe she really feels that way. Heck, if I ever dared say that to my ex-shrink she would have claimed I was “manic”  and put me on more pills than there were in stock in the local CVS.

Dear joyful, rose-colored glasses fake friends, What happens when one of you ends up in the shithole? What happens when ill fortune befalls one of you, such as a car accident, or a divorce? You run away, don’t you? You don’t know what to say. You can’t stand it. You hate pain. You refuse to face it. Instead, you proclaim joy throughout the land. Even if it means completely ignoring those that have fallen at the side of the road. Just walk past with a lovely smile on your face, ignoring the fallen and wounded alongside you. You’ll get all the likes you want for your poise and your shining faces.

Change dot org: Fake news petition….

This one is a joke, since fake news is all over the media anyway! Psychiatry gives us fake news daily about brain diseases and the public buys it. It tells us some are inferior and need drugs (which they claim are safe and effective) and therapy (also claimed to be “good for you”) for the rest of our sorry lives. Now listen, this stuff gets spread on Facebook, too! It harms people. Shall we get up a petition on that one, or shall we STILL nitpick over fake election news?

Going over this in my mind some more

Because I need validation….

I was abused by my therapist. Many of them were abusive but there was one who was the worst. Her name was Maria Mellano. Please never go to her. She is in Boston Massachusetts last I heard.

This woman did the following:

She was manipulative and controlling. She used her “techniques” to reduce me to a child-like state, insisting that I play with stuffed animals, insisting that I talk to the stuffed animals and play idiotic children’s games with these animals, pretending they were people in my life. This was called role-playing, or psychodrama. It was psycho, all right. Her object was to get me into a tearful state. Then, she would say something like, “That was beautiful.” Yeah, that praise was to encourage the childish tears, to encourage immature behavior. Great.

I remember so many times seeing outside in the waiting room the other patients also reduced to childish behavior, many curled into balls, shaking and crying in the waiting room. I saw them curled in balls and not able to speak, crying like infants out there. She went to one of them and told that patient she had to go to the hospital. I knew Maria herself had caused this patient to become that way. And yet, I continued to attend these appointments, worshiping Maria  like she was a goddess.

One day I saw a male patient hitting a punching bag. I said to myself, “Oh no…” But I didn’t know why I thought that.

There was another patient who apparently saw me there but I have no recollection of seeing her. I saw her at another location and she recognized me. She ended her relationship with Maria before I did, apparently it was not a friendly ending. My exchange with this patient indicated very bad abuse from Maria. I am not surprised.

Another patient seemed to be seeing Maria multiple times per week, perhaps four times, but I was never sure. I think Maria took her out to lunch every day, but I of course I wasn’t going to ask. They seemed to come into the office together carrying coffee cups, then, say goodbye to each other and the patient would thank Maria. I was baffled, and I suspected abuse. The patient worshiped Maria much as I did. I tried to be nice when we ran into each other but otherwise I knew I had to butt out.

I really would say worshipful like that to her. Like she was special. The One and Only. I told her she was so good. But really, have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? If not, look it up. This is why it’s so darned hard to get abused spouses away from their abusers. They literally worship their abusers. We wonder why. But it’s a normal and natural response to abuse to defend the abuser even though it isn’t by any means logical to others to do so. We have to, to preserve what’s left of ourselves.

Another thing Maria did regularly was that she placed unreasonable demands on me. She changed the rules in such a way that it was impossible to follow them. One day, do this. Another, you have it totally wrong, do that. She had this six-page contract but for me, she added another page. And made me sign it.

One day she said I had to pay for a cab to the doctor’s. That was like $13 one way. That’s insane. $26 round trip? I wonder what the copay was for the forced weigh-in…..Medicaid, that is, taxpayer money paid for it but I had to pay cab fare, as per Maria. All that to threaten me over 1/2 pound or so. That is, eight ounces of coffee. These days I usually have about 12 ounces of coffee most mornings and drink at least two liters of water by the time I’ve been up an hour. Go to hell. Oh, she accused me of being addicted to water, then she claimed I was “self-harming” with water. Actually, I have a kidney condition from lithium. Caused by “help.” She even told me the “unit” I was on didn’t exist. It did.

She accused me of lying when I wasn’t lying. She accused me of not eating when I was. She accused me of eating things I had not eaten. She accused me of vomiting. She accused me of lying that I had. She accused me of just about anything she could think of.

Just about every session she mentioned how she was going to have me put in the State hospital. She told me how incompetent I was and how much I belonged there. These threats came loaded. “If you don’t…” Whatever. They came with much manipulation.

Why is this woman still practicing? Not only that, collecting money? Taxpayers pay! And why do therapists like this still exist? And why is it called “help”? Why aren’t they stopped and put in prison for the harm they do? Why don’t more victims come out like I am right now? Why are we silenced?

Did you know Adam Lanza was abused by his therapist and that drove him to do what he did?

Do you realize that therapy abuse ruins people’s lives? Do you realize that it ruins people’s ability to make and keep friends? It makes people completely disabled and unemployable. It is addicting and it isolates people in the therapy relationship, ruining marriages and breaking families apart. Do you realize that therapy alone is more harmful than drugs?

I believe thousands of people were harmed by therapists, and very few speak of this. It’s a taboo subject. Folks would rather talk about drugs, drugs, drugs. It’s easier to talk about pills than admit it happened in an office. Because that’s admitting weakness. But it isn’t. These folks should be de-licensed, and some should be imprisoned or at least fined, and never allowed to practice “therapy” again.

I wish there was a place to talk about it. But there isn’t. I have tried. Only here, I suppose, and nowhere else till something changes out there. Most folks will not acknowledge that it’s even possible. If it’s therapy, it must be good, and they tell me what happened to me was “the exception.” I hate that, since most of my therapists were either abusive or totally incompetent idiots. i don’t think this was “exceptional” at all, I know it is the norm. The profession has a terrible track record for the simple and very logical reason that you cannot find love in an office. You cannot hire it.  You might try, but it won’t work.

Was this woman completely ignorant, uneducated, misinformed or could ANYONE be that viciously harmful to their own child?

This is just disgusting:


I don’t understand why anyone would do that, do you? Why a mother would do that to her kid…..It is hard to understand. But I have heard the craziest health claims, such as people drinking urine, or thinking that walking barefoot (called “earthing”) somehow cures all sorts of things via electricity, and that certain “earthing beds” are supposedly better since they guide the electricity to your body better. Does that sound like bullshit to you? It does to me. So maybe it was some pop health thing she was doing to cure his cancer? According to her, she was manipulating the staff, trying to get him moved. Which makes no sense. He was already in the ICU. Where did she think she was getting him moved to if she was doing that? Maybe the morgue. Or…maybe she had another intention, but now, she is just plain lying. I don’t think her story holds water. But if it was some new age health cure, she sure was misinformed! If the family belonged to some rather offbeat and brainwashing religious cult, it’s possible. You’d think that might be mentioned in the article, that they  lived in some commune run by a guru or whatever.

I am wondering about the camera bit. Why use a camera? Aren’t there easier and quicker ways to catch her in the act? If they even “suspected” why allow her into the room where undoubtedly she was going to do it again, again putting the kid at risk, simply to “catch” her on camera? This put him at risk just to get her filmed. Because this is very serious, what she did, if indeed she did it. Why let her do it again at all?

She could have been framed. Why? Because it’s possible. It really is. People get framed all the time.  I read a story about this rather recently. And they could have coerced her into a fake “confession.” It simply seems like such an insane and outlandish thing to do.

Or maybe, as common sense tells us, the intent was to outright kill her own child, nothing more, if indeed she did it. As the doc said, the immediate concern is the child’s safety. We are left wondering about the mom.

If the “suspect” didn’t have a gun, and was stabbing people, why were eight people at OSU hospitalized for gunshot wounds?

Just what I asked. The “suspect” is a 20-year-old Somali man. Apparently he ran a truck into a building that had a bunch of chemicals in it. Deliberately. They say he hit some people in the process. Then, he got out. He started stabbing people with a knife. Then, the SWAT team shot him dead.

But meanwhile they were saying eight people who were around there somehow got shot and were taken to local hospitals. So who shot them? It wasn’t the Somali guy……

They were saying they had kinda expected something like this due to recent “activity” around the world and around Ohio lately, not stuff that had been noticed nationally but simply “patterns.” They say they are well-prepared for such things. Please, someone, convince me of this. I really do trust Big Brother, ah, the System knows best. In it we trust, since  it is a Think Tank, that oh so perfect Doctor in the Sky and we’re all a bunch of incompetent dull-headed useless hunks of flesh that deserve to be shot anyway.