I thought today that people cannot be free of judgment, that we humans are judgmental and we tend to come to rash conclusions no matter how hard we try not to. My late friend pointed out the following to me:
He said, “Women tend to get critical of us men for eyeing their breasts. Women have a point there. Men should be more polite and respectful overall. On the other hand, the human eye cannot help but move toward a rounder object. That’s human nature, and women need to realize that as well.”
I told my friend that I had read that somewhere. I responded by telling him something I had read about men falling asleep after sex. “It’s not that they’re bored or not interested in continuing. They ge tired due to hormonal changes. Many women feel more awake after sex. I wonder why couples even bother!”
You can’t fight human nature. I keep going back to the question of prejudice. We know judging others is wrong, but we keep doing it. I’ve suddenly realized that to judge is human. But does that mean we should do a swicheroo and be judgmental because we know we cannot help ourselves? Where do you draw the line?
You can’t. We cannot say “Racism is wrong, but it’s okay to discriminate against fatties.” Or, “Racism is wrong, you can’t put up a sign saying ‘No Blacks Allowed,’ but it’s okay to hate blacks and not say it out loud.” Or, “We welcome bipolars, but schizophrenics are really nutcases so they are excluded from our workplace.”
Since humans are judgmental by nature, yet if we remain judgmental, we won’t get along, what can we do to make our lives together more bearable?
The Romans, and other social societies that were wildly successful had an awesome idea. They built arches from stones. This totally defied what stones are, but they managed to do this thousands of years ago.
Stones do not bend. If a stone isn’t curved to start with cannot be made into a curve. So how could they make those curved arches? It was not stone nature to curve, nor to stay together, co-depend, and stay up defying gravity the way those arches did as a cohesive group. Yet many arches still stand today. Not all do.
Here’s how it was done. The Romans didn’t demand of each individual stone that it bend. They didn’t expect stones to be anything but stone-like. Stones were going to act like stones no matter what. But they gave each stone a tiny nudge, They never demanded too much of any individual one, nor put too much pressure on any of them. Each bore weight. Each stone leaned on another, and the entire structure was inter-dependent. Until the entire structure was ready and matured as a whole, a wood substructure held it to ensure stability. Then, when the arch was fully mature, the wood substructure was no longer needed, and the mature arch stood tall and proud on its own. Now, the stones leaned gracefully upon each other, but none was bent nor ashamed, since it’s not stony nature to bend.
We cannot expect perfection from anyone, nor demand that others be totally reliable 100% of the time. That’s a setup for disappointment. If we expect others to let us down, then perhaps we are expecting too little of them, and, sensing this, they s may feel insulted, fail to perform, and walk away disgusted and unhappy. Undoubtedly, striving toward the blank slate approach would be the goal, except this might be easier said than done.
We are who we are. We can only hope we wake up tomorrow, strive to get by and hope the world is an okay place for ourselves and our children. Perhaps that is all we can ask for.