Ninety-nine percent of relationships are about using, 1% are about valuing each other for "what's inside"

I am not sure of this ratio at all, but after a time, I became aware that most of my friends were not interested in me as a person, nor valued my company. Mostly, they were interested in taking something from me. They wanted something that I had. When we are young, we are scarcely aware of when this is happening. Perhaps it doesn’t matter if our pals come over only to have fun with our dolls, or to watch the TV shows their parents won’t let them watch, or to enjoy the food our mom has stocked here.

I recall going to friends’ homes before we had color TV and marveling over “Living Color.” After that, I begged my parents “Can we have one, too?” I’m sure my parents were not too happy about that.

Later in life, I recall feeling dismayed when I realized my friends weren’t really my friends. They only hung around for “rides.” The day I got rid of my car felt so liberating. No longer did I have to be the carpool driver. I was amazed that the users stopped calling me and nagging me to drive them places. Now, I could hop on a bus any time I wanted and not be obligated to be mom to anyone.

Later, I found out that in some circles, having a printer is the in thing. So I found out that if I were to move in with this gal, and bring my printer, other people would come over “just to use it.” I wasn’t too fond of this idea, even though my new potential roommate assured me, “We’d be very popular with the neighbors.” In other words, used.

Sometimes I see complaints on Facebook from women who feel used for sex. I don’t quite know how to respond except to say that this “phase” lasts for decades but does, thankfully, end. I don’t know why that “phase” goes on and on, and then, suddenly, a woman is no longer eyeballed by men as sex object. Does this ending come with menopause? Or sooner or later? Some say marriage or having kids can convince the guys to give up. Maybe it’s cultural. Maybe it’s just random. It’s not forever, that’s all I can say to console women who are sick of being used.

Are there any quality relationships in this world, or is it all about money , using, and taking? I don’t know. Maybe 1% of friendships and relationships are quality relationships, the rest you might as well laugh over now rather than cry over for the next ten years or so. Another observation is that this rarity of quality in relationships is across the board, that is, you will find quality relationships and shallow ones not only in friendships (or supposed ones), but in the workplace, at school, and in your neighborhood. I am not sure this changes with age, but maybe the way it matters does. Human nature tends to be fickle no matter how much we fight to change it. Maybe we simply notice it more, and later on, take these things less seriously.

Feedback and comments welcome!