An exercise in comedy writing

Today, I challenge you all to think up new and creative things to answer to the following questions:

  1. Can you rate your mood on a scale of 1 to 10?
  2. Do you feel like harming yourself or others?
  3. Do you ever feel on top of the world?
  4. What does it mean, “He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones.”?
  5. Can you tell me today’s date?
  6. Do you know where you are?

To those of you considering becoming psychiatrists, please memorize the above questions. If you can accomplish that, you’re 7/8 through your training. The rest involves choosing the most profitable diagnosis for each patient, and avoiding lawsuits from those patients you harm.

The extras: Which country club to join, how to swing a golf club, how to schmooze, and how to avoid answering questions if you are asked to prove the existence of mental illness.

I doubt I’ll ever be seated in a shrink’s office again, but should I be asked…..

  1. If asked to rate my mood, I’d recite Pi. And keep going till I am kicked out of the office.
  2. Yes. (Not true, but simply “yes” and nothing else might throw them off).
  3. Yes, I would rather be on top of the world than six feet under.
  4. Glass houses….Maybe the house needs to have fewer windows. You’d think an architect would be smarter than that…..
  5. About today’s date, answer, “Yes.” And nothing else.
  6. About where I am: Sitting in an office with a practitioner of legalized torture.

I don’t think I’d even make to question #6….Remember, I’m busy reciting Pi. Actually, I could use any ole number. Since when are they going to know the difference? Their science is based on guesswork, so is my own accuracy really necessary? Everything you tell them will get twisted around no matter what you say.

So let’s get twisting, eh? Tall tales are loads of fun.

7 thoughts on “An exercise in comedy writing”

  1. Been asked all that:

    Let me see:

    Can you rate your mood on a scale of 1 to 10? Elevinty
    Do you feel like harming yourself or others?
    Do you ever feel on top of the world?
    What does it mean, “He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones.”?
    Can you tell me today’s date?
    Do you know where you are? Hell????

  2. Do you feel like harming yourself or others? You.

    Do you ever feel on top of the world? I’m on the topside of the world. Not under it yet

    What does it mean, “He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones?” You mean me, but I mean YOU

    Can you tell me today’s date??? I’m going on a date?

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