Warning: Seeing a mental health professional may be harmful to your health

I think this warning sign should be placed in all mental health clinics. Not only that, but elaboration should be provided:

Warning: Taking psychiatric drugs is harmful to your health.
Warning: We don’t reveal all of the harmful effects of psychiatric “care.”
Warning: Ask for a second opinion. Ask your fellow patients who suffered from similar ailments how they solved these problems on their own.
Warning: Your therapist may lead you down the wrong path.
Warning: We disregard confidentiality laws here.
Warning: Your self-evident human rights are about to be taken away.
Warning: We hate freedom of speech.

There should be a warning sign in every psych ward:

Warning: The “cures” we are about to coerce you into partaking in have been declared “Torture” by the United Nations. Enter with caution.

And…

Warning: If you speak out against us, doubt our word, or distribute information exposing the truth about our “cures,” you will be tortured further or incarcerated.

I could go on with this.  There are warning labels on cigarettes, alcohol, bottles of bleach, children’s toys that shouldn’t be given to very young kids or pets, fertilizer, matches and lighters, and many other common things we use daily. Where’s the warning in your doctor’s office besides:

“Cover your cough.”

And of course…”Get a flu shot.”

And how many people, when given psych pills, are handed the full pharmacy insert containing black box warnings? These inserts aren’t even allowed on most psych wards. Instead, the patient is told, “We are allowing you informed consent,” and handed down a watered-down list of side effects, many missing, and all downplayed.

What if your doctor said, “I’m giving you this pill but it might cause you to commit suicide or make you feel far worse.”

Big Pharma might reply, “If patients were told the truth, they wouldn’t take the pills. Lying is okay. Mental patients aren’t quite human. They’re incompetent, after all.”

Any time you take a psych pill inside locked doors, it is forced drugging. Inside the institution, taking drugs voluntarily, or what you think is voluntarily, isn’t. You may want the drug and feel you need it (especially if you’ve been taking it a while and are therefore dependent on it) you are still being force-drugged. The reason is that you aren’t controlling the dispensing of these drugs. Someone else does the decision-making. You can argue all you want for or against a drug but whose decision is it within the institution? The person making the decision is Big Pharma, the administration, the insurance companies, and other special interest groups. The unit shrink, while he may appear controlling and haughty, is only one cog in the wheel.

Excerpt from my upcoming speech for the ECT protest May 16

My speech is still in draft form, but I’ll share this bit for the sake of a commenter who so wisely verified the embracing of diagnosis as harmful:

“I pleaded with day program staff, saying again and again that something was wrong. Then, the doctors told me I was attention-seeking. Dr. Brower told me, “Julie, you worry too much and feel things too deeply.”  He told me the confusion was a “dissociative episode.” I repeated the words back to him like this was Biblical truth. I assumed he was right and that this was my new problem.  Personality disorder.

“They had me meet with Dr. John Gunderson, McLean’s Borderline Guru. Looking back, if anyone had personality problems, surely, it was Gunderson. I was told that  since I had a personality disorder, I suffered from multiple suicide attempts, attention-seeking behavior, and cutting. That sure wasn’t true. But when I heard, “Borderline,” I changed. My life became reframed to fit within those parameters, even though the fit wasn’t right.  In fact, I began to cut. I wondered if the rest of my life was going to be like this. I felt all alone.”

Use of social media, especially Facebook, increases agoraphobia, “phone phobia,” and shyness

I think social media is great for people who cannot get out of the house, either due to bodily limitations, nasty weather, or physical distance from others. On one hand, it helps us communicate cheaply and efficiently with others around the globe.

In the past, the Internet, for me, was an eye-opener that helped me regain the confidence I had lost due to ECT. This all happened late in 1997 and into 1998. I was able to rekindle my joy in written correspondence with others. Decades ago I had many postal mail penpals. This brought me great joy. I laugh now, recalling my trips to the post office to pick up my mail. The post office guys marveled at the number of personal letters from all over the world that I received.

When I got online, all this came back to me. I learned that the doctors were wrong, that I was very well capable of making and keeping friends and relating with others in a meaningful way. I gained the confidence I needed to go out and make friends in person and within months, rediscovered the joy of the classroom (the doctors also claimed I wasn’t capable of classroom work). I thrived at school. The Internet, for me, was a stepping stone to a healthy social life, meaningful personal interaction, learning, and enlightenment.

In the past, I had been asked repeatedly by shrinks, “Do you write long letters?” I was afraid to be honest and say I did, since the immediate reaction was to write this down and conclude that I had yet one more “disorder.”

Today, I am proud to be a writer and proud that I have the ability to put together words rapidly and effectively. It was called “hypergraphia” when I was in the midst of shrinkage, sadly. I note that most shrinks have absolutely no ability to understand writers. You can say, “I am a writer” and they will assume “disorder,” namely:

Temporal lobe epilepsy
Schizophrenia
Bipolar

The following geniuses are claimed to have such a “disorder”:

Lewis Carroll
Robert Burns
Vincent van Gogh
Fyodor Dostoevsky

They convinced me I had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy way back in the late 1980’s. However, there wasn’t any evidence that I had it. The irregularities they found were due to the drugging and were not inherent in my brain. This was confirmed by a neurologist in 2011. In fact, the neurologist was concerned about the effects of the drugs I was taking, and told me so. He also told me that TLE is overdiagnosed. He asked me which doctors I’d seen who made this claim. He asked if it was Dr. Kirk Daffner.

Yep.

He told me that Daffner diagnosed anyone who walked into his office with TLE regardless. I kinda had that feeling myself. Daffner was an extremely misogynous, for one thing. Also, my appointments with him were costly and also completely unhelpful. I kinda knew all along I was being used as research subject and that seeing him wasn’t benefiting me at all. If I recall correctly, I stopped seeing him in the year 2000.

I recall speaking to my mother on the phone about this. She was aghast. “What?!” she protested. “You canceled the appointment?” She seemed to think that missing an appointment with Daffner was going to hurt me.

I told her that the opposite was true. I explained that Daffner did little but insult me, and I usually left the office feeling yucky. Seeing him was crushing me. I felt liberated when I stopped seeing him, and I didn’t suffer any harm nor lack nor decrease in quality of “care.”

Either way, I see writing as a gift. I’d say everyone in my grad school saw it that way, too. An ability. I’m proud that I can generate ideas from nothing. Many lack this ability and end up with “Writer’s block.” Is that, too, going to be labeled yet another diagnosis that’s supposed to be “fixed” by Big Pharma?  People who write love to do so. It opens up avenues and helps us problem-solve. Others express themselves in other ways that are just as valid as the way I express myself.

That said, at first, I thrived in an online environment, but not always. As soon as I was exposed to Facebook, I found it distasteful. Is Facebook conducive to writing? Wouldn’t people assume this?

A quick look at Facebook and you will get the answer. Facebook doesn’t encourage writing. It squelches it. I say this because I observe far more encouragement for people to post photos or share posters with writing on them. If you look at the number of “likes” for each post for the average person, a picture is liked far more often. People don’t really want to read unless something’s incredibly short. A Facebook text entry is cut off after a few sentences, making everything that follows hidden unless the viewer clicks on “more.”

More and more people are “Facebook only” communicators who refuse to write or even read emails.  We are encouraged to write shorter and shorter passages simply because the general population no longer wants to read anything longer than a sentence of two.

Likewise, conversation is now replaced by trite sentences in the form of “texting” style communicating. Texting is inefficient, impersonal, and given to misinterpretation. How many of us have lost friendships or even love via a text?

Facebook may help those that otherwise don’t have social outlets available, but for those of us who do, we need to use these primarily, and keep Facebook in its place. Have you heard the expression, “If  you don’t use it, you’ll lose it”? If you replace meaningful interaction with Facebook, you will lose your interpersonal skills that you do indeed have, and learned way back in kindergarten, simply because you stop using them.

I encourage everyone, particularly those with “phone phobia” or shyness to shut down Facebook and try real interaction instead. Try writing an email for starters. Write a long letter. Write many. Be as “disordered” as you want, if it brings you joy. Blog.  We need variety in human experience for the sake of the survival of the species. Go out and converse. Take chances.  Just try it and see where it leads. Try Skype, which can be used with or without video.  You may be delighted that those accusations of “inability,” “social phobia,” and “social anxiety,” are complete baloney. While Facebook can open doors, don’t use it as a crutch. See it as a stepping stone instead. There’s whole new world is waiting for you.

 

My favorite foods

“When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.”

Rogers and Hammerstein, from “My Favorite Things,” The Sound of Music

This is a list of my favorite foods, listed in both Spanish and English, in no particular order. I’m sure I’m leaving things out, too. Subject to change at the drop of a hat! I have many hats and they drop all the time!

Puerro (leeks) – My friend and I decided that if it’s between puerro and cebolla (onion) most likely puerros give you more bang for the buck (er, peso). These are mulituso, and also loads of fun. Each puerro is unique. I enjoy finding new and exciting uses for them.

Semilla de Amaranto (Amaranth seeds) – I discovered these recently. Amaranto is grown in Mexico and in many places in South America. I like them much more than Quinoa and I think the flavor is much less pretentious. Are they gluten free? By all means, yes! They are a grain (seed), but I don’t find amaranth seeds to be addicting at all, nor do they make me sick. Please cook them, though, because they are too hard otherwise.

Manzana – A manzana a day keeps the doctor away! Is this true for Puzzle? Yes! She doesn’t see a doctor at all! She sees a veterinaria, and loves everyone at the vet office very much.

Zanhoria (carrots) – My mom told me, when I was a kid, that if I ate any more carrots, I’d turn into one! I thought if I ate a tall food, I might grow taller. I did! I would have anyway, because that’s what young people do, but I never grew to be very tall. I’m chico! And proud of it. Puzzle loves these! Humans can eat them raw or cooked, but many dogs appreciate it if you cook zanhoria for them, and serve at room temperature.

Catalan picante (hot peppers) – These are amazing food, and come in different bright colors.  I would never give these to Puzzle. I am careful, if I cut one, not to then cut food for Puzzle unless I clean the knife. But I like these in my own food very much!

Lino – (Flax seeds) – These are terrific to add to sauces and even doughs. I have been using polvo de lino, ground flax seeds, though you can grind your own. You may recall that I added a very small amount of polvo de lino in Puzzle’s birthday cake last November. It makes things made with rice flour sticky, allowing cakes and breads to form bubbles and rise, without gluten! I have heard that flax seed oil is good for menstrual and menopause related issues.

Rúcula – (I don’t know the English word for this) – this is a salad green and herb. I purchase it fresh. I love its tangy flavor. Apparently, everyone else does, too!

Oregano fresca – Fresh oregano – I’m sure I could grow this if I put effort into not killing it the way I kill most plants! It’s pungent and doesn’t taste the same as dry oregano. I like both, though. I would recommend that if you add it to your food, take the tiny, round leaves off the brittle stems, which might be annoying to find in your food.

Albahaca (basil) – This, too, comes both fresh and dried. The leaves are broad and a dark green shade. I would say it’s good in both cooked dishes and salads.

Salvia (sage) – by far, this tastes better fresh. It’s an amazing herb and adds a unique flavor to most anything.

Zappallo (a pumkin-like food in the squash family) – Our pumkins are popular year-round, and don’t seem to be limited to Halloween. I have never seen one of our pumpkins carved into a face. But perhaps this is done. Our zappallo isn’t at all the same as the ones I knew in USA. Ours are green on the outside and more bumpy. You can buy a whole zappallo or half or even a slice. It is sold by the kilo like everything else. If you only want half, ask! The vendor will gladly cut it for you with a very big knife. I found out that the skin of these is edible just like the orange meat on the inside. You can toast the seeds as well. I do!

Zappallito – there’s no comparison in USA, but I can describe what it is. This is a terrific budget food that resembles a cucumber but it’s round. The inside is somewhat like zuccini, but not quite. They vary in size, but I’d say they are the size of my fist. I have small hands, by the way. You might have trouble finding a zappallito that is as large as your own fist. Puzzle LOVES these, but I do her the favor of peeling them and cutting them up before giving them to her.

Porotos de garbanzo (Garbanzo beans, or sometimes called chick peas) – These are my favorite legume. They store well and cook much faster than most people realize.

Lentejas (lentils) – these are quick cooking legumes. Their flavor is somewhat peculiar but I like them anyway.

Huevos (eggs) – Ours are as fresh as can be! I notice the price is slowly going up, though, and seems to be the equivalent of what I recall I paid in the USA. These are best bought unrefrigerated and kept at room temperature. We can buy these in sets of 6, 12, 15, or more. If you purchase at the Feria, you will receive them carefully wrapped in newspaper. The yolks are darker than I recall the ones in USA. I have a unique way to cook them that you can try too! If you are cooking a meal in a pot, or perhaps arroz (rice), just put the egg, in its shell, right on top. When the rice is done, your egg is already cooked hard-boiled and ready to eat! Take it out, allow it to cool a bit then remove the shell.  Don’t cook it that way in a microwave, though!

Pescado (fish, as food) – I have yet to explore the many types of fish here. I’d say some are better than others, but that’s just my personal taste. Puzzle can eat most fresh fish, but I won’t try giving her canned fish ever again! I found out that the salt used in canning fish is absolutely distasteful. If you’ve ever had fresh sardines (sardinas, also sardinhas), I think you will agree!

Carne (beef) – Psst! Uruguay has the best beef in the world! I give Puzzle beef heart all the time! Our corazon de carne has the fat left on it, which is good for Puzzle since beef heart would be too lean for her otherwise.

Pollo (chicken) – This is one terrific food that most dogs can eat just fine. Keep the bones away from your dog! I’m debating which cut is best for Puzzle. They all are!

Higado (liver) – This is Puzzle’s favorite, but I give it to her sparingly. Ten percent of your dog’s diet should be organ meat if you homecook. But lately, Puzzle’s tummy tells me that maybe higado is too rich for her now. Chico solo.

Café (coffee) – I only make this at home, because having it at a restaurant is too costly. It’s not easy to find any café sin azucar (without sugar). Even ground coffee has added sugar right into the grounds. Seek and ye shall find, though!

Higo fresca (fresh figs) – a delight. These are a small and handy food that store well and are good for snacking.

Coco (coconut) – You can buy this grated, or in oil form, in milk form, or a whole coconut. I believe the latter is cheapest. It’s rather versatile.

Girasol (sunflower seeds, in the shell, if they are shelled, they’re called Pipas) – These are cheap and yes, humans can eat them! If you buy these in a very large bag meant ot feed birds, be careful of bugs. Some feed stores are infested. I haven’t found bugs in them here. If they are large, you’ll need to toast them, but smaller ones are softer and can be eaten untoasted.

Here’s a secret: I ate so many girasol that now, I have grown wings! I can fly! Only when you aren’t looking, though.

Every meal is different because I am creative! I recall my mother encouraged originality and creativity when it came to just about anything in life, including food. I see nothing wrong nor disordered about making the craziest combinations you can think of. I celebrate freedom from eating disorders “care” by occasionally cutting things up into small pieces and saying to myself, “Nyah nyah.” But only if that’s what I want. Freedom to choose is wonderful and I’d wish the same for anyone.

Nyah nyah.

If you are suffering, it is real and doesn’t have to have a “disease” label to be legitimate

To become well, I had to reject the idea that human suffering meant disease. Unfortunately, the common myth is that if you suffer and there isn’t a name for it, a label or category, you couldn’t possibly be suffering. I had to shed that myth entirely and embrace what I knew was truth.

Have you ever gone to a doctor with physical pain and were told that since it didn’t fit into a category, you couldn’t possibly be in pain? Know what was behind that? One thing was that you didn’t have a billable number so they couldn’t make money off of you. As soon as they found out the diagnosis your pain was suddenly legitimate in their eyes. You could now go out and tell your buddies, “This  proves I have been hurting.” I personally believe you were hurting all along, but before, your suffering was made trivial or told it didn’t exist because there was no diagnosis for it.

Back in 1981 when I entered the System, I was told I didn’t have an identifiable disease. Back then, eating disorders weren’t considered anything more than trivial rich kids’ conflicts, and I was told that I couldn’t possibly die from it nor suffer bad consequences. I looked around and saw people who did, in fact, have psych labels. Depressed. Bipolar. Schiz. I was told these people’s suffering was real because they had real mental illnesses. In order to be believed that you suffered, you had to have a disease. Of course, that wasn’t true at all. It’s a complete lie.

Humans suffer all sorts of things that are both visible and not visible in the body. Recently my friend, who had been complaining of pain for ages, discovered he had a pinched nerve. I think it was relieving to him to finally find out some sort of label for this. His suffering was now confirmed. This aspect of it makes me sad, that he had to go to lengths to prove himself, when he was truly in pain all along. They found the real visible cause of pain. It also meant it could be healed. However, psych suffering cannot be found in the body (despite their claims) and pills will only make things worse.

You can’t see love. But it’s real. Is love, too, nothing but a bunch of brain chemicals? Can you take a pill to make yourself fall in love? Would you even want such a pill? Why can’t we just put what’s in Cupid’s arrows and market it? The love potion.  That’s a great way to fool the public and make lots of money, and it’s been done.

Mental anguish is very very real. I confirm my own suffering and the suffering of others and I know just how debilitating it can be. But I choose today to reject that human mental anguish must have a DSM label in order to be confirmed and seen as legitimate by those around us. It was legitimate all along.

I recall being told in 1981, “Look at the others. They have real mental illnesses that have names, therefore, they suffer far more than you do, Julie.” I was put off over and over. After 30 years in the system, I was finally confirmed to have a real disease, that is, what I figured was the right diagnosis. The problem was that psychiatry and the mental health industry had now taken a nutritional disorder and claimed it as their own.

Their ever-widening umbrella now confirms more and more people’s suffering. It doesn’t have to be that way at all if only there is huge societal shift away from the ILLNESS MODEL.

We are working on it. People all over the planet are speaking out right now. Human suffering is legitimate the way it is. Take away the psych diagnosis because we aren’t a bunch of chemicals.

Will you join us in speaking out? Will you tell your story, too?

Twig-hunting en Marzo

Today I found that my favorite activity besides running is twig-hunting. I have a favorite place where I find twigs and bring them home in a big canvas school bag I bought at Disco. The place is a treasure, a tiny spot right by the ocean. I find sticks of all types laying on the ground, mostly twigs. I’ve been there three times now. I love to spend the time outdoors with Puzzle. I filled my entire bag. Here’s Puzzle next to the twig collection:

IMG_20150327_180245_741

After I took that shot, I made a fire as usual. Puzzle has a delicious dinner and so do I!

Are you on those annoying petition mailing lists? Here’s one worth signing…..

Here’s the link:

www.change.org/p/california-state-bar-disbar-matthew-gregory-mclaughlin-198329

I dislike the multitude of mailings but I’m still on these petition lists anyway, because a worthwhile one comes up now and then.

 

My life is great, with one exception: Facebook

I can see why kids commit suicide because of what happens on Facebook. I myself might be having a fine day with few complaints, but then, I have to go on Facebook to send someone a message. For sure, I’d rather communicate some other way, but I don’t have some people’s email addresses or phone numbers. 

Doing anything at all on Facebook is a major disappointment to  me. I am trying to stay away from bragging boards at this point. That’s one huge letdown for me. Getting on Facebook ruined my day yesterday.

While I am happy for other people getting published or getting invited to be guest speaker somewhere, it’s not really encouraging when I start to see the inequality on Facebook. I’ve been published, too, but for me, posting these accomplishments ends up ignored. I’m not the only one, of course, there are others.  Comparing is a normal human activity and Facebook ends up devastating for those of us on the bottom of the heap. It’s not a healthy environment for me.

You may ask why visibility is so important to me. Because I’m a writer, that’s why! You can write all you want, but if you have something to say, something you are passionate about, and it falls on deaf ears, then yes, it does get discouraging. I used to compose music and found the same thing. Actually, music composition was even more of a sad joke, for every composer I knew. I have piles and piles of music I wrote, most of which not only was never played nor heard, but I couldn’t even get anyone’s opinion on it since no one would look at it. Of course, most of the joy of writing and creating art is just that, the creative process. Sadly, there’s that other half, the half that happens when you send your work out into the world. That’s where I’ve consistently bombed out. It’s not reflective of the quality of the work, but simply because it’s hard to get visibility.

Being published on MIA the first time was terrific. It meant so much to me to break into that venue. But the second time, the article got buried and was hardly noticed. I feel like a fool because I made the mistake of promising myself far too often, “This will be my lucky break.” When it ends up not being of any significance, I crumble. I tell myself I gotta keep writing and maybe next time…..

How many years is this going to go on for?  I know a lot of artists and writers who make terrific works and can’t sell the stuff or even get any visibility. How many ways can I pick apart this situation till I get so disgusted I quit?

That’s one reason Facebook sucks for me. I can scroll down and see where other people might post, “I got published!” and supply a link which does in fact get read, and the person gets congratulated and gets feedback. That rarely happens for me. It’s not particularly encouraging when I hear people get all defensive and make claims, true or not, that they clicked on these links but didn’t comment. I don’t know why, but I often feel quite a bit of tokenism, like folks are just saying this to be nice cuz they feel sorry for me.

Just thinking about it turns my stomach, and I don’t know what to do. That’s one reason I decided to take up another career. Tech isn’t half as fulfilling as writing, and it’s kind of meaningless and boring to me.

What’s cool is that I figured out how to get free career counseling. I am going to try this technique (I haven’t yet) and see where it all leads. I sure could use advice on how to make money so I’m not going into worse and worse debt. 

I tried one career counselor, but that ended up a complete joke. Oh well, I can try again and maybe find someone a bit more creative. I thanked the person and told her she was helpful. Not very, but never mind that. 

Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. I asked the person about online jobs. She had no knowledge of anything online nor any more than the very basics of job search. She knew all kinds of facts on how to get a job working for a company such as big pharmaceuticals. She was totally shocked when I said I had no desire to work for a company like that. When she said there weren’t jobs out there online, I told her I personally knew many people who have online jobs for very small businesses that work on low budgets and don’t have a “workplace.” I didn’t want to insult her but I guess I did. She insisted that no such job existed, and that anyone who had any desire to work for a nonprofit or small business, or dare to freelance was totally off their rocker. 

Ever hear the saying that people know what’s best for them? I think this applies here. I’ve done amazing things this past year. I don’t need any other human to verify that, either.

Life gets better

This morning, I went for a run. As usual, I felt terrific, enjoying the outdoors. I kept telling myself, every time a cool idea came into my head, “As soon as I think of it, I’ll write that one down.” I came home, made breakfast for me and Puzzle, then went and showered.

I’ve been thinking about how my life is getting better and better. I can hardly believe it. I’m amazed at how I’m so much more healthy now. What’s more, I’m no longer seeing life and a huge challenge to stay alive. I no longer go to bed scared to death that either I’ll die or end up hauled off to a mental hospital. These were realistic fears given my situation, which, as I look back, was pure living hell.

To me, “giving back” means giving support and encouragement to those who find themselves in similar situations. Encouraging people to not give up. I almost did. In fact, I was continuously on the verge of giving up. Doing or saying anything at all back then was totally futile. I knew I needed a big change.

I’m quite happy that I walked out of there and came here. I wish I could help others leave bad situations, too, which doesn’t necessarily mean relocation, but it might. It could mean changing jobs or starting school, for instance. Or making the decision to get off meds. Of course, it could include starting “treatment,” which frankly, I don’t advise. I suppose it depends on what “treatment” it is.

I have heard from people, “Julie, your situation was exceptionally unlucky.” But I’m finding out that this certainly isn’t true. I’m meeting more and more people who were even more unlucky than I was, and in fact, having a rotten experience in “treatment” is in fact the norm. Problem is that no one’s talking except a few. Those few of us that do speak out are condemned and told we’re imagining it all. But we’re not.

I hear over and over, “I went through ten therapists who weren’t right till I found the great one I have.” Now wait a minute. What does this tell you? One out of eleven? That’s not a very good track record. I went to the first veterinarian I found here and they are absolutely terrific. I went to one podiatrist years ago, and he was good, too. I went to one ear, nose, and throat specialist, and he, too, was excellent. I saw a urologist once. Once. Problem solved in one rather satisfactory appointment. If I want to buy paper towels I can go to any store and I’m sure I’ll find what I need. Solved. I don’t have to reject 50 rolls of paper towels first before I find the one good one.

But shrinks are supposed to be excused. Forgiven. It’s expected that you have to hunt and peck. And oh, the promises! “Just wait till you find the good match.” Yeah, like I’m supposed to put up with the abusive ones, give each one six months’ fair chance until……if I’m still alive after that, I reject that one and try another. Only to get abused, lose money, waste time, and get darned discouraged. Who needs that?

I also hear, “I was picky and that’s why I found a good one.” Get real, man. Can anyone really be picky on Medicaid and Medicare both? Unless you have very very very good insurance and a wealthy family willing to waste money on the bad experiences, you gotta take what you get.

I hear the expensive people and places aren’t that much better. You get the frills, and I suppose that distracts people from the truth that these places don’t really make people any better, instead, they create a revolving door syndrome.

Wanna know something cool? I no longer look in the mirror and see a fat person. I no longer berate myself if I think maybe I’ve put on a few. I don’t judge my worth by the number on the scale. I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself, “Wow, I have amazing hair! How did that happen?”

I have amazing skin. I don’t even look 57. I could probably pass for 40. This wasn’t true a year ago. What happened? I could barely function a year ago, but now, I can do many things.

I am off psych meds. I am away from the scary situation I was in. I am free of psychiatric oppression. I am not stuck in my housing situation, either. I’m not stuck going to therapy and stupid appointments that only served to make those doctors I saw richer.

As I was running this morning, I started to ask myself if maybe I should look up local races. I did that before, but it was most likely too much ahead of time. I asked myself if maybe I should have a shirt made up, and what it would say. I ran through a few ideas in my head:

“This is my healthy body off psychiatric drugs.” I wonder how that would come off in Spanish. Or maybe, simply, “Free of psychiatry.” On the other side of the shirt, “Escaped mental patient.” I laughed over that one. I don’t think I quite dare to go that far. Would I want anyone local to know? I’ve told so few anything about my past.

It saddens me that “mental health rights” is now translated to  mean, “We shouldn’t be denied treatment.” It saddens me that these “help” institutions mostly help people who were denied MH “care,” not those who seek to live their lives without MH “care” being forced on them. It saddens me, too, that none of the trauma centers acknowledge psych abuse. What’s the point, then, of even bothering with those places?

Oh well. Give some folks ten years and they might see the light as I did. I can only hope.

Link: School gun incident…close to my old home

Here’s the link:

http://patch.com/massachusetts/watertown/watertown-teen-pleads-not-guilty-trying-enter-milton-high-loaded-gun-drugs

As you can see, I commented there. Actually, I still get alerts and news from my old town Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. I’m no longer scared to comment anywhere and speak freely. I used to get real scared of yet another “police visit” from the Watertown cops terrorizing me because someone didn’t like hearing the truth. Oh well.

If the kid was having a drug reaction, he should be set free for sure! All he did was to show up with weapons. He didn’t shoot. Now, in prison. Betcha anything he visited a psychiatrist. Personally, whoever wrote the prescription should be hauled into court. Of course, this is speculation on my part. Are these questions even being asked?