I used to feel let down after every social situation. I first started noticing this right before my eating disorder began. That sinking, low feeling I always had. I saw others as trite or petty. Why didn’t people think? Why were they in such a rush? I felt brushed aside. I had so many great ideas. I had no one to share them with and felt all alone.
Why was it so hard to get anyone to talk about God? Was this such a tough subject? I often felt disappointed that there was no one to shoot the bull over this, none except the Born-Agains. They were too stuck in their ways, though. I wanted something else.
I’d come home from a party and cry. Or feel disappointed that my friends weren’t the kinds of people I could possibly feel close to. I’d say life was like that for a long time. I came to believe that it was human nature to let your friends down. I found out otherwise. Only those who act two-faced or those who are cruel will turn their backs when the going gets rough.
I should have known. It wasn’t me. I needed an environment change. Something new.
My life changed. I don’t hang out with those who act like assholes anymore. I feel good about that.
I had a terrific conversation today. I certainly didn’t feel devastated afterward. I felt enlightened. We were happy to finally meet. I didn’t have the usual letdown.
All those years of MH care never addressed this. MH care was a crutch for me. Take it away, you find out you’ve been ready to walk away for a long, long time.