What therapy did to me was criminal

When I was a student at Bennington, I was known to be independent and somewhat aloof. I did things for myself and was strong and mature. I figured therapy was for the rich only. For that reason I was turned off by the idea.

Then, I made the mistake of going to those people. Day treatment was the worst offender. This “care” turned a perfectly fine, mature and independent woman into a sniveling, whining child. My parents were shocked. The therapists insisted I needed MORE therapy, but really, I needed to end this trip, and get my life back. I wish I had.

It only got worse after 50. I stopped having fun altogether. I turned to those idiots and begged them to “fix” me. What a stupid idea that was! They knew nothing except to blame me for all the crimes they had done to me.

The only way out was just that. Get the fuck out. I did. I can say that it did take a bit, but now, I have fun every day. Every single day. I certainly don’t whine anymore, and I rarely shed tears. I don’t need them and don’t want them anymore.

The very thought, the image of the shrink waiting room sends shivers into me. I have no tolerance for the idea of meeting a person in an office. It turns my stomach. Despicable.

Puzzle. 19 horas. Christmas Eve. Uruguay.

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In the noches, fuere artificiales. Puzzle won’t be so thrilled. Oh, my princess, is there a pea in thy bed? Be a bitch.  Oh, aren’t you already? Let’s be terrific bitches tonight. Feliz Navidad, folks!

Intended to post Christmas but the post got lost instead.

To anyone trapped in the System: We’re coming for you! Holly Near commentary…

Do you folks remember that song by Holly Near called “Put Away”? I’m sure it’s still copyrighted so here’s a link to the lyrics:

http://www.songlyrics.com/holly-near/put-away-lyrics/

Who has been put away? Think about it. I first heard this well before I set foot into my first therapist’s office and soon after, heard the click of that locked door behind me.

I played that record to death when I was a kid. Of course I did. Imagine my surprise when I found it.

That’s the name of the album: Imagine my Surprise.  I was a young girl then, in college, and those words spoke to me then. Funny, they still do.

Imagine my surprise when I met someone just recently and connected, saying, “We should have met ages ago.” That amazing commonality you have with another. When you are bursting with stuff you want to say. The truth comes out in funny ways, in it’s own time. Don’t stop telling it.

We’re coming for you. Please don’t give up. You will know us by our music. We won’t stop till the walls come tumbling down and all are free.

 

Have you ever been disappointed with humanity?

I used to feel let down after every social situation. I first started noticing this right before my eating disorder began. That sinking, low feeling I always had.  I saw others as trite or petty. Why didn’t people think? Why were they in such a rush? I felt brushed aside. I had so many great ideas. I had no one to share them with and felt all alone.

Why was it so hard to get anyone to talk about God? Was this such a tough subject? I often felt disappointed that there was no one to shoot the bull over this, none except the Born-Agains. They were too stuck in their ways, though. I wanted something else.

I’d come home from a party and cry. Or feel disappointed that my friends weren’t the kinds of people I could possibly feel close to. I’d say life was like that for a long time. I came to believe that it was human nature to let your friends down. I found out otherwise. Only those who act two-faced or those who are cruel will turn their backs when the going gets rough.

I should have known. It wasn’t me. I needed an environment change. Something new.

My life changed. I don’t hang out with those who act like assholes anymore. I feel good about that.

I had a terrific conversation today. I certainly didn’t feel devastated afterward. I felt enlightened. We were happy to finally meet. I didn’t have the usual letdown.

All those years of MH care never addressed this. MH care was a crutch for me. Take it away, you find out you’ve been ready to walk away for a long, long time.

The Voice of the Deaf Community/my commentary

Here’s the link about a recent protest:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/08/understanding-deafness-not-everyone-wants-to-be-fixed/278527/

I feel that the Deaf Community is far more advanced than most other sub-communities around. I had the pleasure many years ago of attending a performance done by the National Theatre for the Deaf. I was amazed! I so admired the solidarity in this community. I wished the same for other groups in which I participated.

Empowerment was clearly central. I laughed my way though the performance, enjoying so many of the poignant jokes. Many in the audience were also Deaf  and their primary language was ASL. The rest of us heard the performance through a translator. We were surely at a disadvantage, not truly getting the subtle flavor in the humor that was lost when spoken aloud.

Many communities would benefit by observing the Deaf Community. As the article states, money-makers argue that Deaf people would be far happier if only they could hear. Not so, apparently. We hear this also vehemently from the Autism Community. “We are fine the way we are.” It amazes me that these communities manage to assert themselves so firmly that mainstream society takes heed.

Leave us alone.

Why are communities delineated between those society insists on “fixing” and those that manage to get fix-it people off their backs? Is suffering a factor? Or maybe the factor is that someone else thinks they are suffering, and decides for them exactly how.

The mental health system tried to fix so many parts of me that were fine the way they were. I asked for eating help and got way too fixed. The cure ain’t so healthy. It made me worse.

I bought into bipolar. I bought into schiz. I bought into schizoaffective. I bought into perfectionist. I bought into personality disorder, depressed, obsessive-compulsive, psychotic, anger problems, family problems, self-centered, phobic, manic, paranoid, attention-seeking, lazy, stupid, senile, and deaf. Let’s not forget “pathological tendency to pace or move her legs.” Pimples, the shakes, pathological polydipsia, overexercising, Type A, Type B, Type Z, liar, and oversexed.

Interesting, too, I was told my problem was that I was Jewish. That I was female. Maybe it’s a little tough being a young Jewish girl. “Princess complex.” Really?

I agree, it ain’t easy when you are called a JAP, when you get charged the Jew Price, when you’re told you killed Jesus.

It’s not easy being the shortest kid in the class nor is it easy being the first kid in school to show up wearing glasses. Is that really a disorder? Maybe I need my height fixed. I need an ethnicity change. So then I’d be trans-ethnic.

The gay community has been harmed for hundreds of years by those who insisted on “fixing” an inborn trait. The consequences were devastating to those who were victims of this torturous practice. I hear neurological problems resulted from those Lefties who were forced to write Rightie. Why not leave everyone alone?

I’ll tell you what needs fixing. Society needs to broaden its concept of acceptable ways of being. We need to not only talk the talk of honoring diversity, but practice it. It’s really okay to drink on weekends if you’re not causing trouble or hurting anyone. It’s okay to be moody. We need to realize that life isn’t going to be smooth sailing all the time. Look at our ocean. How can sailing be smooth when at times, the waves are rough?

If a captain send out an SOS, then there’s a specific reason. Ship’s a sinking. Mutiny. Hit an iceberg. Capsized. The elves took over. Someone threw all the vegan side dishes over the side.

We go rescue cuz we like to save the day. I think if the problem is dissentery we don’t bring guns and ammunition. We need to ask and listen rather than showing up with Elf Repellent.

Alleviating suffering is a good idea. Maybe. Think again, though, is that really true? There’s a time for everything. There’s a time to laugh and a time to mourn. A time for darkness and for light. Didn’t I read that somewhere? A time to come together.

Suffering is seasonal, just like our weather. I’d love to assure anyone who is suffering that it’s not forever. Most folks come to realize this a few years round the block. And then we’re okay, just the way we are.

How to make Windows 8 suck less

I have had Win8 machines for a year now. Sadly, Big Brother Microsoft has seen to it that in many parts of the world, this is going to be your only choice unless you are willing to shell out the bucks for a Mac or buy a refurb or used Win7 machine. I was looking around this morning, and ran across this site:

http://www.computerworld.com/article/2474168/microsoft-windows/6-tips-to-make-windows-8-less-annoying.html (I’ve done you a favor: This will open in a new browser window.)

It’s also possible to have Win8 taken out and Win7 installed, but I haven’t seen how well these machines work. I’ll bet changing the OS will void some warranties. However, how useful is your warranty, anyway? Many warranties come with all sorts of disclaimers and extra fees, or it’s not even applicable, depending on where you live.

Win 8 was designed for small devices such as tablets. What sucks about Win8 laptops is that unless you are extremely lucky you’re bound to develop a crack in the Win8 touchscreen. What can you do?

I wouldn’t even bother having the screen replaced unless it’s free of cost to do so on your warranty. Why bother if it’s only going to crack again just by breathing on it?  Many warranties will only pay for screen replacement if you pay extra or if it spontaneously cracks within the first few weeks of ownership.

If your screen is cracked you may not know it at first. Telltale signs are “jumping around” mouse, programs opening by themselves, and windows resizing. You may also see blinkng spots on your screen.  I thought I had a virus until I finally found the tiny crack on my screen, then I realized what the problem was. The crack will continue to spread, unfortunately. I am wondering if having the screen replaced with a more durable, regular screen is an option.

Even if you have a tiny crack on your Win8 laptop touchscreen, you will need to disable the touchscreen feature. A year ago, I had no clue I could save a bundle of money by doing this myself.  You don’t need to go to a repair guy to have wires cut.  I went to many sites to learn how to disable the screen myself. I ended up going through Device Manager. This is different from Devices and Printers.

Device Manager opens in a window. Find Human Interface  Devices. Click on the plus sign to the left of it and you’ll get a menu. Here, you’ll find your touchscreen. Mine’s called HID Compliant Touchscreen. Double-click on this and a window will come up. You will see an option to disable the touchsceen. The touchscreen will stay disabled until you enable it again, if you ever want to.

Of course, the Win8 touchpad is annoying, too. Why did Microsoft make it too sensitive? Have you ever accidentally swiped it with your hand while typing, and erased text that took you hours to write? If this happens, I’d suggest disabling your touchpad, and using your touchscreen or a separate mouse. This should be done as a toggle, so you can re-enable the trackpad whenever you need it.

You toggle the touchscreen on and off this via keyboard shortcut or via a small dot on your touchpad, depending on make and model. i wouldn’t suggest disabling the trackpad permanently unless you are positive you won’t lose your detachable mouse or the one you have isn’t a piece of crap.

I’ve found keyboard shortcuts handy. As the article above says, Ctrl X will bring up a menu of your most useful places, such as Device Manager, Run, Control Panel, the command prompt,or Search. Using Ctrl X will bring up a shut down option as well, so you don’t have to use the annoying charms bar. Another way to bring up Ctrl X options is by right-clicking on the Start Screen icon in Desktop.

I found those “apps” rather useless, didn’t you? If you don’t want to be annoyed by them, have your computer boot up straight to the Desktop. You do this via “Personalization.” Open this window and click on Taskbar and Navigation. Here, under Start you have a number of options to choose from. Under the “Navigation” tab, you’ll see an option to start up with the Desktop, so you’ll never have to see that annoying “apps” screen again.

As your computer ages, you’ll find programs “freeze” more frequently. If you find you need to shut down a program, you can access the Task Manager via a number of routes. One is to press Alt+Ctrl+Del. Press these simultaneously and you’ll get a new screen with a menu. Click on Task Manager. You’ll be taken back to your original screen, but your Task Manager will be displayed in a window. Now, you can shut down that annoying program that won’t X out otherwise. Task Manager can also be accessed via the Ctrl X menu. If your computer is super slow, you can install a Task Manager icon right onto your taskbar for easy access.

I find the shiny screen causes visibility problems for me. Even high contrast mode (you’ll find this in accessibility options) isn’t high contrast! It’s “slightly more contrast,” not too useful for those of us who don’t see well. To solve this problem I’ve installed Hacker Vision onto Chrome. This is a free extension.  This toggles, so if you don’t want it, you can quickly disable it. While using other programs, such as Word, I change the document background to black and use bright white text. I go through the View options and use “text width” or “page width” so the black page covers most of the screen. I find this easier on my eyes. I also made sure my desktop background was plain black so I could actually see the icons. If you like a nice photo of your cute dog as your laptop background, you can add it to your lock screen instead. No need to leave out Fido!

Do you find Win8 Skype useless? I do. That’s the one called “Skype for Modern Windows.” Don’t even bother. Install the desktop version and you’ll be a lot happier. Don’t forget to uninstall the Win8 skype, too, because being signed into both simultaneously will cause problems.

I’ve been using f.lux for a while now. This is a free program designed to cut down on blue light emitting from your screen after sundown. I’ve found that you can adjust daytime vision as well so your screen is a slight amber color, far easier on the eyes.

I am still trying to find a program that will give me a more visible mouse pointer. The options I have through Win8 don’t help enough. I waste so much time unable to find the mouse on the screen.  I’d love a bright, blinking mouse indicator that’s some obnoxious color I’ll never lose! Still looking.

Hope this helps. Let me know!

 

Video link on ADHD

I liked the humor in this video and also the background music. I’d say most of the kids in my elementary school fit this diagnosis. I did, too. Except I wasn’t reluctant to participate in tasks that required…thinking. I’d have to say I had a nice time reading, dreaming all sorts of fantasy stuff, and frustrating the hell out of my teachers.