I look back on the past year and I am amazed. A year ago I was crying every day, and desperate to leave Watertown. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. I thought I was stuck there. Permanently. That I’d always have to deal with discrimination and hateful people. I look back at the things people said about me (and made sure I overheard or said to my face):
“I can’t be friends with you because you have an eating disorder.”
“I dislike your sense of humor.”
“You are negative. Your negative energy makes me uncomfortable.”
“It’s your fault. You refuse to forgive.”
“They were only doing their job. Why can’t you see it that way?”
“You brought it upon yourself.”
“Your bad attitude caused it all.”
“You are stupid.”
And so on. I never thought I’d EVER hear the words I hear nowadays:
“You are so enjoyable to be with, I stayed for extra time.”
“I love talking to you. You are one of the few people who can converse on my level.”
“I love seeing you.”
“We love Puzzle.”
‘Your dog is lovely.”
“You are funny. I love your sense of humor.”
“Thank you for being there for me.”
“You are a big help.”
“It’s refreshing to see someone like you so aware of what is happening in the world.”
I thought this would never happen, but it is. I am enjoying life now. I have fun every day. I don’t mean a few minutes of fun, but lots of fun. I enjoy challenges and I enjoy problem-solving.
I spend loads of time outdoors. I like to make people smile. I tell good jokes, and bad ones, too. I have a rich wealth of experience behind me. It’s worth a ton, you know.
I look back and am amazed. Yeah, shrinkage damaged me, but NOTHING IS FOREVER. That includes so-called “bipolar.” Bipolar is a figment of your doctor’s imagination. That includes PTSD from psych abuse, which doesn’t have to be forever, either.
I fix things. I use my brains and figure stuff out. I use logic. Common sense. No “hospital” taught me to build a fire and cook food over it. No treatment center taught me that papaya is delicious. No therapy group taught me how to fix my calculator, or replace fuses, or fix plumbing.
Staying in MH care only held me back from living the life I wanted and deserved. Is it holding you back, too?
One year, one big future.