I am sad. I realize now that I have been seriously affected by the loss of a friendship. It’s been about a month at least. I can’t seem to shake the sadness.
I asked myself over and over why this person dumped me. We had no argument nor friction between us. One day, she stopped calling. I tried calling her and she didn’t pick up nor return my calls. I tried e-mailing with no response. I knew at that point that something was up.
I know sometimes things happen. There might be a death in the family or she might have been in a car accident. So I waited. And waited.
Usually, when a person is truly a friend and I stop hearing from that person, I assume he or she is just busy. People get involved with their jobs or get caught up in various projects. Sometimes, there’s some family drama going on.
I waited. Finally, I re-opened my Facebook account and asked this person directly via Facebook. I didn’t do this in a private message, but out in the open on her page where anyone could see. I apologized saying that if I had said something offensive I was sorry.
I saw nothing on her page to indicate that anything was amiss. I was beginning to realize I’d been given the shaft. But I waited and sure enough, I got a response.
She said she had been isolating and hadn’t spoken to anyone, even her parents. Then she said in the next sentence that she was on her way out to get together with a friend. I told myself that this sure sounded contradictory.
I waited and waited. No calls from her, no e-mail, no contact whatsoever. Okay, I get the hint. I’ve been tossed aside. Like a child tosses out a toy she doesn’t want anymore.
Yeah, I’ve been mulling it over too much. But for a while, she was one of the few people that would speak to me at all. I had no conversation in my life. I think she knew this, cuz I told her.
This wasn’t her situation at all. She had other people in her life. She had her parents, her sibling, her sibling’s kids, her therapist, her various doctors, the multitude of obligatory appointments, and her other friends.
I think she must have latched onto me for the time that we were friends, just cuz I was there. Maybe she was lonely for a bit. But then, she started to make new friends. I truly believe they were influential over her. I believe they pressured her to stop being friends with me. Or maybe she told herself she had other friends now so she no longer needed me. Maybe she’s over that rough spot. I got tossed out.
We live in such a “junior high” world! What drama! It’s not even worth it. I feel like kicking myself for being so bummed out over this. I need to move on. That “caring” friend wasn’t so caring after all.
I guess some folks are just like that. They think of friendship rather casually. They toss people out on a whim. They don’t care how others feel. People like me don’t matter very much to them.
I should quit being bummed, but I can’t shake this. I’m human. I have feelings. I’m not perfect and sometimes it takes me a long time to get over stuff. There’s no “should” in this world. I’m grieving this loss and I suppose I shouldn’t beat myself up for taking as long as I need to.
See you later.