It’s silent here. I never heard silence in Watertown. But here, in the night, for a few hours very few cars pass by on the Interbalnearia. So many people live their lives in noisy worlds. They have forgotten silence. How often I saw someone in my past compulsively switch on a radio and I would ask myself why this person even needed this.
No one believed me that Woodland Towers was as bad as it was. However, I truly think the place should be torn down. Living there almost killed me. My friend went in there and FINALLY I got someone to understand. There wasn’t anything wrong with my perception.
I mean, those suicide “experts” that claim you have a perception problem are dead wrong and if I had taken their advice I suppose I would be wondering why I “couldn’t concentrate.” Shrinks would say, “So you are hearing four hours of Wheel of Fortune every
Take a pill!”
But what now? How to move forward and leave my past behind?
I was quite at a loss upon my arrival. One thing I know is that I shouldn’t take anyone else’s advice as the word of god. That has been one of my biggest mistakes. That goes for anyone anywhere at anytime. Even so called expert advice does isn’t necessarily universal.
Like when you buy software and it’s incompatible with your computer because AFTER you open it up, it says on it Windows 95 only. And it’s 2014. And the nice techie tells you it isn’t compatible due to YOUR computer virus.
You have known yourself all your life. The doctor met you ten minutes ago and who is paying him anyway? Okay…I found out the hard way.
I had to take a step back and ask myself how much of what I was experiencing was residual trauma reaction and how much was adjusting to a new place. Well, both. I am worried about my mom as well. I am socially isolated because whereas the local folks would gladly talk to me and seem curious to know where I am from, however sometimes it’s just too much effort to try speaking Spanish.
I hate the thought of showing of someplace such as a church or AA or civic organization. They have a Rotary Club. I don’t know what these folks do. In fact funny thing is, there is nothing but the rotary club here. I hesitate to show up given my sucky experiences with these “help” organizations. I do much better and am more helpful to other people in academic environments.
I was thinking of showing up at AA anyway. No way do I have an alcohol issue and I won’t say I have ED. It’s winter here and if I am thin no one can tell cuz I have a trillion layers on. However, I have tried numerous times to find AA here. I cannot seem to find it via Google. They might have RR. Maybe I need to call these International offices tomorrow when I go to the free wifi place.
It took me a full month to figure out how to get enough strength bandwidth so I could make decent quality international calls. Guess what? No one called.
I was thinking earlier that I have no clue if anyone reads what I write anymore. My stats on my other blog are sorely dropping. I was all bummed out. I even toyed with the thought that the evil folks at MGH messed with my SEO rankings.
Now that I think of it, yeah. Probably. Well I can strike back I suppose. I mean, what is gonna happen when they find out I didn’t drown myself in the Charles River after all? Or wasn’t found dead of an overdose? Nyah nyah.
Love, Julie and Puzzle