The bus will be here rather soon. According to the “bus predictor,” that is. These handy little websites and “apps” on our cell phones are truly gems because it means that we no longer get soaked in the rain.
Well, no, I take that back.
You won’t get soaked If And Only IF
you don’t have the Cell Phone From Hell.
If you have the Cell Phone From Hell, forget it, you’re bound to miss every single bus. The Cell Phone From Hell will ruin your life and everyone’s life who is within earshot of you, because….
Every word coming out of your mouth is this: “ASSHOLE!”
Every day, you grit your teeth and break a few trying your darndest not to throw that Cell Phone From Hell against a wall.
Texting while driving? It can’t be done, so don’t worry. The Cell Phone From Hell won’t text when you want it to. You’ll crash trying to get it to send. Either that, or you’ll be so pissed off that you’ll throw your car against a wall.
Do that enough times and I assure you, you’ll have six pack abs in no time.
I think I’ve invented a great Fitness Solution, haven’t I?
So what do you do about getting soaked in the rain? You have no car cuz it’s been slammed against the wall too many times, right?
Get wet. You do it every day in the shower anyway, or so I figure. Meanwhile, I think the bus is taking its sweet time getting here. I don’t have time for a shower quite, but maybe I can quickly get online and order the Cell Phone from Heaven to replace the one that’s been making me mutter “Asshole” nonstop for the past year.
Just put it on my tab.