Have you ever experienced that “look of disapproval” from others? If not, most likely you probably think, “Julie is nuts and she’s probably imagining this so-called ‘look.’ She’s paranoid! She needs pills! Treatment!”
Those of you who have experienced that disdainful “look” know exactly what I mean. Of course you do. Can we have a consensus here? Will you please speak up?
Of course, I am told I am imagining the “look,” but it’s true, people give me that hateful look and have been doing so for a while.
Take, for example, food stamps. You are in line at a grocery store and a person paying for groceries with food stamps is holding up the line. Listen to the snide comments. Watch the cashier carefully. You will see, if you are a careful observer, what that person is going through and how they are forced into this shameful situation.
When I go to buy food, I pray for a respectful cashier and I pray for no line behind me.
When I go to a small convenience store or chain pharmacy the last thing I want is to get profiled. What happens is this: The assumption is that all folks that are low-income are shoplifters. So walk into a store, and I immediately notice that I am being followed. The employee fakes that he or she is arranging things on the shelf. Not so. It’s not the employee’s fault that they have been instructed to fake that they are working in order to “monitor” me and make sure I don’t steal. But I sure don’t appreciate being profiled.
I don’t steal. One of these days I’ll walk up to one of them and say, “Hey, I know what you are up to and it’s unnecessary. I stole once when I was 16, 40 years ago, a 50-cent item, and was so ashamed that I never did it again. Feel free to go back to your coffee and cigarette break.”
You guys know I get a pittance from our dear government. Apparently I have no talent, have no intelligence, and am lazy. No human worth and they would rather I’m dead, but regularly ask if I will pay into an insurance fund that will pay for my own burial and funeral. Apparently they’d like not to pay to keep me alive and the alternative they’d like me to fund as well. I’m supposed to laugh…or cry.
So my rent is 1/3 of my income. I go to pay it once a month and I despise walking into my rental office, where I regularly get that “look” from the secretaries that work in the office. Why? It then becomes known just how little our government thinks I’m worth.
I sometimes wear “cover-up” clothing that hides as much of my body as possible, hiding my weight and as much of my face as I can. Now hear me out: I dislike “hoods” because they are impractical. They skew peripheral vision and they get in they way when I dress in layers, they blow off, and they cause too many laundry complications. However, “hoods” have one purpose and one only: they hide my face brilliantly.
Sometimes, I go into those housing offices or stores or wherever I’m going and I wear one of those hoods, which really, I dislike. Then, once safely home, I take the hood off the jacket, and stow it away. Why? All because I hate that “look.”