Let’s bring back FRIENDSHIP

So I got an idea:

Remember that song, by James Taylor (or was it Carole King?), called “You’ve got a friend”?  I used to think this song was true.

Well, it is. But when I ended up with an eating disorder, I was sorely disappointed in the world of friends.  They all immediately turned their backs on me.  I was disillusioned.  Anyone who has gotten the shaft from someone they assumed was their best buddy knows just what I’m talking about.

After a while, it got to be more like, “Love sucks,” or whatever.  But why should it?  Because if we brought back friendship, if we truly supported each other, if we can CHANGE THE VALUE SYSTEM that exists now…

Then we wouldn’t really need therapists, right? Why turn away a friend?  Why send that person to therapy, instead of giving that person a hug?  What’s the point of donating thousands of dollars to some charity, and not helping out your friends in need?

Because there seems to be less human conversation now, with the advent of texting and messaging. Let’s bring back conversation, speaking, dialogue, human touch, going out to coffee, meaning in relationships…..

We don’t need more services or better quality services because these won’t really help people if our values are skewed.  With the weakening of families and friendships, no therapies will help anyone. Therapy, that is, sitting in some office, being in such a pathetic situation that the only one who will listen is someone you have to PAY…well, that’s sad indeed.

It’s sad that the one person you feel closest to is that therapist, cuz in a few months, or a year, that therapist is gonna have another JOB anyway, and that’s what you are to them, a JOB. You’re a paycheck. Livelihood.  This therapist can “shift her clients” to another therapist once she leaves her current JOB, and then she’ll have you off her conscience. That’s life. She’ll move on.  You’ve been brushed off, kid.

Where are our friends? When I was a kid, if my friend was sad, I comforted my friend.  That was my life. These were my values and what I believed in.  I didn’t know a damn thing about “therapy.”  I still don’t have any use for it.

4 thoughts on “Let’s bring back FRIENDSHIP”

    1. It IS funny, Kari. And that’s the breaks.

      I always beat myself up for getting upset when friends let me down because I tell myself I’m used to it so I’ve hardened myself. I mean, you’d figure the first MAJOR time it happened when it was wicked obvious was when I was 26 and the girl said flat out that she wanted nothing to do with me from then on and not to call her ever again because I’d tried suicide. So you’d think after 30 years I’d be an old pro at losing friends. I’m not.

      Every time, although I may or may not feel upset about losing these friends, I’m rather shocked that people are so darned MEAN. Humans are jerks…but I could kick myself that I continue to be shocked. Why am I so surprised? I guess they get ORIGINAL, they think up new, creative ways to be cruel and heartless.

      After all, 30 years ago, Clare phoned me long distance from New York just to dump me. We actually spoke. Now, society has “unfriending.” How easy to click the mouse and do that! Facebook makes it so easy to dump our friends at a the bat of an eyelash. Just kick them, make them feel like shit, and move on. Nice and neat. Like writing a check, you don’t have to touch or have any real contact with people that in fact, you can’t stand.

      Reality bites. See ya later,

      Julie

  1. Julie, I’ve fallen out with loads of people because I expected too much of them. As I’ve got older I think I am more tolerant. Much more relaxed.

    I certainly wouldn’t call someone to inform them that they have been dumped. Get over yourself! But I have been guilty of losing contact, on purpose. Sometimes I have regretted my harshness.

    So yes, I’ve been a prize jerk, but I’m a bit more grown up now. I never hurt people intentionally and I don’t think that I ever judge. I am not cruel and heartless, but I could be kinder. I think that applies to most people.

    1. Falling out of touch is normal. We are adults and can’t stay in touch with everyone. It’s a big world and life goes on.

      I was certainly not referring to that. I mean, deliberately not answering your phone cuz you aren’t in the mood once or twice is fine, too. You figure folks have cell phones and I keep mine off a lot of the time, especially if I want to take a nap and I don’t want to hear the thing beeping from Facebook or whatever. But to NEVER call the person back, or to make up excuses that are obvious lies, over and over…that’s rude. When someone calls me or messages me, I answer. I try to answer as soon as possible. If someone invites me to coffee, I’m THRILLED and certainly take it as a compliment. Hardly anyone ever does.

      I was shocked last summer when I invited someone to coffee and she looked at me like, “No way would I go out with the likes of YOU.” I was so shocked that this happened to me. It reflected badly on this fine woman…I couldn’t believe she would stoop so low that she was ashamed to be seen in public with me.

      I have had to take a break from certain friendships a couple of times, though, not often. A person was insulting me over and over. Are people really that much better than me who are higher income or are lucky enough to have loving families, and I don’t? It got to be too much. It was sad. I couldn’t take it anymore. Another time, I was the butt of nonstop ranting. I know I rant, but this was 100 times worse, because the person’s voice was raised over the phone to an unreal decibel level. I didn’t think I should have to take that, nor did I want to have to keep on lying and saying my phone was charging. I was scared to meet up with this person, of what it would lead to.

      Usually, I take a breather, I don’t end it for good.

      Have a nice day!

      Julie

Feedback and comments welcome!