On one hand, I need to put a lid on the past, that is, on the abuse. I do know there are those that choose to do so, to close that lid completely, and never allow anything to escape. I’ve spoken to some who have had to make a complete break even more than what I am doing. It’s quite clear that once you walk out, you can’t go back. Like divorce. You get tempted, you even feel sorry for the ex sometimes, but you can’t.
However, I am a writer and for that reason, I had to make a decision. I do know that there are many that cannot leave entirely and still keep one foot in. Me, no, no feet in. I feel that I must revisit, but only to write about it as a writer, and that’s it. Then, I need to put the lid back down and close it. It’s not me. Not part of me, not my life. Just this thing I take out and write about, then subject dropped.
So after I am relocated, I won’t speak of it. You can speak of your experiences to me, and I won’t mind, in fact, I will surely listen. But this will not be my life. I will only speak of this in writing. If you don’t know me as a writer, then you won’t know that part of me ever existed. If I ever give a reading, you may see a side of me rarely shared.
So, soon I will be walking away, complete.