Oh, one of these days, I’ll shower and find one in my breast. It’s what every woman dreams of, right? To find a lump? A nice cancerous one that’s inoperable?
Not that I know anything about cancer. I don’t. But I do know that lots of women actually do want to find lumps.
Cuz a lump probably means you will be loved.
See, then, if I found a lump, all sorts of women would flock to me and be my instant buddy. “Call me anytime.” Wow, I’d actually hear those words if only I were to find that golden lump. I haven’t heard those words in a long, long time, baby, a long time.
So I need a lump. Fast. Can I borrow one or something?