The lump

Oh, one of these days, I’ll shower and find one in my breast.  It’s what every woman dreams of, right?  To find a lump?  A nice cancerous one that’s inoperable?

Not that I know anything about cancer.  I don’t.  But I do know that lots of women actually do want to find lumps.

Cuz a lump probably means you will be loved.

See, then, if I found a lump, all sorts of women would flock to me and be my instant buddy.  “Call me anytime.”  Wow, I’d actually hear those words if only I were to find that golden lump.  I haven’t heard those words in a long, long time, baby, a long time.

So I need a lump.  Fast.  Can I borrow one or something?

Feedback and comments welcome!