I am human, not perfect

Hey, folks, I’m overdue.  I don’t like it when I leave you hanging or am unable to give you the whole picture.  What happens then is that you get only part of the picture and not really what’s going on.  It’s the nature of this medium to be this way, annoying as it is.  On the other hand, I’m not going to bare all and tell you how much belly button lint I have.  That would surely be a turn-off, don’t you think?   I suppose it would be different if I were the “popular” type and posted a photo of belly button lint on Facebook.  I’d get more “likes than anyone.  But I’m not popular so chances are, most wouldn’t even bother reading what I said.  Who cares about belly button lint, anyway?  Would someone want Elvis’ belly button lint?  Uh, no, not me, cuz he’s dead now.

But back to me.  In two days I have a nephrology appointment and it’s very important to me.   This guy will set forth the precise dietary guidelines for me, and also he’ll have a determination as to whether i can go back on topamax.

The docs at the hospital took me off of it cold turkey as well as taking me off Neurontin cold turkey.  How did this happen? Well, when I told them what meds I was on, I was told, literally, “You are a liar!”  Yes, by a shrink.  He even pointed his finger at me whiile saying this. So they didn’t believe I ever took these meds.

I couldn’t believe it.  I’ve never encountered such atrocity before.  As i said, they’d never bothered to access my medic alert bracelet as they should have.  Someone rifled through my stuff here at home and found old prescription bottles (I am still wondering who rifled though my stuff) and these were given to me instead.  I was given 100 of Synthroid, which is an old dose, and 6oo of Lamictal, which I had not taken in years.  I refused the Lamictal and was branded “uncooperate” and “suicidal.”

I think if I were truly suicidal like they claimed, I would have swallowed that 600 mgs Lamictal and gotten myself sick if not dead, given my medical situation.

It took days to get this all straightened out.

So I found out much later, a bunch of days after getting out and reading my discharge summary, that the recommendation to take me off Topamax came from the shrink, not from the kidney doc.

I want to make something perfectly clear: Topamax does cause weight loss, but only in the beginning.  After that it doesn’t, even if you stop it and restart it. So that’s one reason it’s not an effective weight loss drug.

I take Topamax for one reason: to prevent binge eating.    It doesn’t make me lose my appetite or make me lose weight, but it does stop the binge eating.

I’m tired of folks telling me I shouldn’t be on Topamax because I have anorexia.  No two people are alike.  In my case, the binge eating is so severe that I need this drug.

And I really feel like telling everyone to buzz off.  Kindly quit the talk that I am “not recovered.”  It’s bullshit.  I don’t think in terms of “recovery”‘ and it’s a word I refuse to use.  It’s a stupid, overused, dramatic word that is meaningless to me.

Please allow me to go at my own pace and take care of myself.  Today I slept all day.  Now, to most folks, this means “depressed,” right?  I don’t even suffer from depression.  To me, sleeping all day is giving my body the rest it deserves.  Finally.

If indeed you insist on thinking in terms of “recovery,” then please, realize that occasionally I will have my “moments.”  Everyone has “moments.”  So if I myself have one, it’s totally normal.

I am human, not perfect.

Again, buzz off.


Feedback and comments welcome!