I stood in my kitchen this afternoon and cried and I just want to tell you this one thing:
You are fucking sacred. I am standing here still now hours later and I don’t want a damn thing to change. Nothing. Not a damn thing.
Sure, I’m all alone in the world but I’m really okay with it. Me and my dog, we do okay. I love you all. I love the e-mails, the messages, the text messages on my phone, messages on Facebook, comments on my blog, every damn thing.
Stay right where you are. Picture perfect. Snap it.
I’d love to call out your beautiful names right now because I’d love to name certain wonderful very special people in my life, but I won’t embarrass you. You know who you are.
Or maybe you don’t. Those little “hellos…” however brief or infrequent, or erratic or even only once a year to wish me happy birthday….
See, I don’t get all that many of these messages, so each one of these means so much, even if I don’t reply it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard you or haven’t felt your presence.
And to those of you in my past who have left me along the way….Those I get nasty about and get pissed off and hastily refer to perhaps as “ex-friends” or “those that dumped me” or whatever, yeah, I know you, too, eventually get around to peeking at what I write. Because you wonder how I’m doing, or you are pissed at me, too, or you wonder how much longer I am gonna keep kicking and screaming in this life and you peek, even though you hate that morbid fascination with death, but you do, in fact, wonder when I am going to bite the dust. So you are reading this right now. Saying that you dumped me a long time ago because you hated being “sucked into” my life.
Well, stay right where you are. You, too, are sacred. Because you were once in my life and you held a special place there, you and I. We shared all sorts of stuff, and I have my memories that nothing in this world will ever take away.
So my coffee is long gone. I washed the cup in hot water, turned it upside-down and let it dry. My feet are still bare. Touching the floor. We had a power outage here and the neighbors were making a racket, milling about in the hall. I stayed inside here, me and my dog, until the power came back on. My dog was afraid.
You are all so sacred.