I am looking forward to writing in retrospect on my last days in Watertown and I hope my writing comes out funny.
Actually, it might come out sounding rather pathetic. Life has rather sucked.
There are a few people I don’t actually look forward to telling that I am moving, or planning to move, namely, my brothers, because they will tell me it’s a stupid idiot thing to do. Why will they tell me this? Because they tell me everything I do is stupid and idiotic. They do this because they only care about their own monetary gain.
To my brother Ned, I am not a “real writer” because I am not published in the New Yorker. That’s how he defines real writers. He constantly puts me down and I hate talking to him.
I hate talking to my brother Phil because it’s damn obvious he doesn’t give a shit about me. He only cares about his own stupid petty life.
I think I will move and not tell them until after I’m moved. No rule that says I have to tell them.
But meanwhile, back to life in Watertown. Remember I told you someone might come out of the woodwork and tell me they were going to miss me or something? Well, I think folks are looking forward to not having me around.
After all, I’m nothing but a nasty bitch, right? No one really likes me and I never do any good for anyone.
I never did anything good for the church. Not that I was really asked to or even allowed to. I wasn’t on a committee and didn’t make any meaningful contributions in any way. I don’t think anyone really wanted me around. I think they will just breathe a sigh of relief when I’m gone and know that they won’t have to deal with me anymore. Folks just kinda put up with me and they won’t have to do that anymore.
Me, I can hardly wait to get out of here. Itching to take off. I can’t afford to fly there and check out places, so wherever I settle for, I’m going to have to take it sight unseen. I know folks who have done that before and although I have heard of scams, it often works out just fine.
There was one place that sounded okay, but then it sort of didn’t, and then it turned out she would not take Puzzle. I thought about the place and decided I didn’t like the idea that the owner would be showing up every now and again whenever she felt like it (she claimed it would be extremely rarely, and just to do business for a few hours) as “absentee roommate” and giving me a lower price for that deal, so it’s just as well that our conversation ended abruptly as soon as she found out about Puzzle.
I can hardly wait to write about how crappy my life has been these past couple of weeks. I will tell you once I’m out of here and safely in my new town. I can hardly wait to split the scene. Mostly, I’ve been in bed. Not that that matters and not that anyone really cares. And no one really knows why or cares to know why or understands even or wants to understand.
I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of having a friend, or anything resembling one. I mean someone you can really tell what’s going on with you, and share and stuff. That’s kinda sad.
As far as staying on the planet, well, we’ll see. Might give up on that, too, at the rate things are going. Just seems pointless. But, you know, starting a new life in a new place, who knows…anything can happen.
Basically, my plan now is to find the new place and spend a lot of time in bed for quite a while. After all, I’m going to be tired, right? Then, we’ll see. Life might be worth living, might not.