I have the flu

I guess that’s what this is.  I have a persistent fever.  Saturday night I passed out just outside my kitchen.  I thought it was some “eating disorders” thing, maybe electrolytes.  I was so out of it.  I didn’t hit my head but knocked over some stuff.  I have no clue how long I was on the floor, probably not that long.  I didn’t have any energy when I got myself up, so I couldn’t pick the stuff up, just left everything there in a mess, and dragged myself to bed. All the things are picked up now.

In the morning…well, if you could call it that…I don’t sleep, as you know, so night and morning sort of blend in, night after night.  I sleep maybe a couple of hours and that’s it.  This has been going on since August 2011.  I believe that even eating perfectly, my body will take another year to fix itself and sleep again, but anyway, morning came and I readied myself for church….

I had my tie on, my name tag, all spiffed up, showered and clean hair and took Puzzle out and then………forget it.  It was obvious I would not make it to church or make it anywhere.  I was just plain sick, dragged out, getting sicker by the minute. It hit me all at once.  I’m told that the flu does this.  Like a brick slamming you in the head.

I immediately went to bed.  I was in and out of bed all day, not sleeping at all, just sick, delirious at times, barely able to stand up.  I shook all over from the cold.  I couldn’t stay out of bed long.  I wondered how I would manage all alone.  I had the Tylenol in a bag in the closet and finally got the strength to dig it up.  I took some.

I located a glass thermometer.  It sort of makes me sick to have the darned thing in my mouth, but I knew I had to see if I had a fever.  I knew I had swollen glands…but was this my imagination?  The first time, the thermometer read 99, unusual for me.  Within hours, it was 101-1/2, then up to 102 and hung there for a while.  Then, suddenly, down to 97.  I thought I was cured…then back up to 101-1/2 where it seems to be presently.  Tylenol is no longer bringing it down, but I have only had two doses.  I don’t want to take too much.

I had a bad experience with the second dose of Tylenol and  I wasn’t sure what that was about.  I took it with a few gulps of cold water and no food.  Apparently, when you have the flu, taking Tylenol on an empty stomach is just plain not a good idea.  Or at least it wasn’t a good idea right then.  My stomach immediately went into spasm.  Not nausea, spasm.

I have no clue what this was about, but it was rather scary.  My stomach would not stop doing this thing.  I was sick with fever, shaking from the cold as if it were zero degrees in here, and also barely able to breathe from these spasms, shaking all over, unable to get out of bed.

Now really, what a basket case I must have looked like!  I had the phone in my hand, telling myself…well, I had no clue when this was going to end, it just went on and on and on!  I knew if I phoned 911, with my mental history, they would just have assumed I was having a panic attack.  But no, this was not a panic attack at all.  I told myself my stomach had better stop…how long had it been?  Fifteen minutes?  I knew if I phoned anyone, I would not really be speaking, I would be gasping, so whoever it was on the other end of the line would undoubtedly assume some horrible fate had befallen me.  What would I do if the phone rang?

I had already phoned my doctor about the fever, twice, about five hours apart.  I never got a return call.  I believe it was one of those days, just my luck, that her pager was malfuctioning.  I know she’d have called me.  I rarely call her unless it’s something like this.

Finally I phoned my shrink and did get her.  This was the only medical advice I was able to secure.  Well, better than showing up at the ER and getting misdiagnosed with a panic attack, right? Or getting “sectioned.”  For a fever?  Yeah, it would just be my luck.  It’s the fate of psychiatric patients who show up at emergency rooms.

I have had some pressure in my chest that radiates into my neck.  Not sure what that’s about.  I need to go to the doc, I think.  Not looking forward to it.  Not at all.  I can’t even get there. Too sick to walk, have to get a ride somehow.  These DMH people said to phone them and they’d help…but will they show up on time?

It’s really hard when you can’t get anyone to phone you back, voicemail is full, phone numbers and pagers malfunction, personnel are taking mysterious long term sick leave….gee.

I am all alone here with no one to help me.  But I have Puzzle.  We’ll stay warm, wrap in blankets, and do just fine.



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