Driving everyone away

There should be a license for this.  I would have the Master License for Driving People Away.  Class A or whatever.  I would teach a class in it because I am experienced, an expert in the field.

I would have students flock to me from all over the world, disciples following me around, people wanting to know just how to drive humanity away, how to turn others off so that they can live the lives of their dreams, surrounded by no one.

I would teach this class on how to get others out of your face.  For good.  Cuz I’m so good at driving people away that students would come to me to learn, and then do a real, super-duper fast TO THE REAR to get as far from me as possible afterward.

I need a cabin in the woods fifty miles from the nearest human.  I need fifty guns to line the walls.   I need fifty trees to surround the cabin, with tangled branches, so tangled that no one can bushwhack their way through them to get to me.  But if they do get through, I’ll pick up one of the fifty guns, and boom! shoot them with fifty bullets.

And then, I need fifty cars.  Put one body in each car, and drive each car to fifty rivers.  Dump each body in each of the fifty rivers, and watch the blood flow.  That’s how you drive everyone away.  Goodbye, humanity, goodbye.

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