After Election Day

My friend posted a wonderful article about the election and I posted a comment on her blog that I guess she considered too negative or sour or whatever, but it’s still sitting there “under consideration.”  Hmm.  It hasn’t been deleted, but has not been posted, either.

That means that the next comment, “Well put, ” does not apply to anything I said, but does apply to everything up there that’s visible.  How heartbreaking.  Nothing I say is “well put” or appropriate anymore.

No wonder I feel like a loser.

So, like I said, the comment wasn’t deleted, so I was able to glean it off the website and copy and paste it.  Gee, I love being negative and ruining everyone’s Sunday.  Here it is….

Quotes from my journal, November 7th:

12 midnight: Obama won. Not that this was foremost on my mind. Race to the grave. The Scale’s verdict was more important than the election result + I was not pleased — back close to ___ but still under, thank goodness. Well, back to bed…on the other hand, I could stay up and do Nano…I’ll decide in a sec

2am – So damn tired. Too tired to write….

Later – Sick of it all. Hope to get thinner. Wake up tomorrow thinner, my dream. Going to bed now, f the world.

Around 11:30pm woke up, pissed off cuz it’s not tomorrow. I weigh __. I fasted all day. Pissed off about it all, just wish….Wish I was dead.

**********

Am I alone in this? I don’t think so. Sure, I’m glad Obama won. So is my homeless friend, who is right now living in a tent. His mom kicked him out because of his eating disorder. Naw, I’m not alone. Only he doesn’t have a scale, cuz a scale would be too heavy to carry around, now, wouldn’t it?

Priorities….

Julie

***********

Funny, I was so afraid of being negative on that website that I edited my journal entry to make it look more positive, so yeah, I did weed out some of the more “revealing” stuff.  I’m told I’m I’m too TMI in this blog.  I’m told a lot of shit by people who don’t have eating disorders who think they know it all.  Everything’s just fucked up, anyway.

I just don’t see the point.  So I got a therapist and wow does therapy seem pointless.  Sit in an office and cry and cry.  I’m a lot better off crying my eyes out at home, which I do all the time anyway.

Wow am I dreading Thanksgiving.  Another fucking holiday alone and geez, what’s the point?  At least there is Puzzle’s birthday we can celebrate on the 26th.

I am told to be grateful and smiley and…uh huh.

See ya later, alligators.  I’m going back to bed.

2 thoughts on “After Election Day”

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