People love to see someone suffer, and now that my life is relatively stable, blog readership is slacking off. I’ve noticed that the times that things have gotten truly hairy are the times that folks have been most interested in reading about what’s going on with me. Well, I suppose the suspense really got to you, did it?
My blog cross-posts onto Facebook but I get absolutely no clicks from there, unless WordPress isn’t showing them. Apparently my school friends want to read political stuff, stuff about writing, or feminist quips about boobs or vaginas. Not boring goings-on from some disgruntled ex-patient. I ramble far too much. Same ole same ole. I guess they just can’t relate.
I’m sure my ex-friends peek on here now and then, to see if I’ve reformed myself. Nyah nyah I got better you guys. Tee hee hee. Just love it. I’m sure they’re patting themselves on each others’ backs, telling each other how great they are for dumping me, affirming what a great decision it was, and what a horrible, inhuman person I am. They desperately need to do this because of their own suffering, their own individual eating and weight issues, their own hatred toward those that “don’t belong,” and are “different.” Really, it is their own self-hatred that makes them do this. They desperately cling to their need to exclude and classify and DIAGNOSE and be judgmental and hateful. If you cannot accept another because he or she is a little different, then maybe you need to do a bit of self-examination.
Today, I am proud to be different. I don’t need to be super skinny to be different, either. I was born the way I am and I can just be that way, be that person, and be proud of who I am. I don’t need to overmedicate myself or change myself or fix myself.
I need to find out who I am and be more of that person. I think that’s what everyone needs to do at some point. I need to find out what I like about myself and keep doing that thing. I am not here to please others though it’s fun to keep folks laughing.
I’ve been working on preparing my speech for my public appearance on the 21st (that’s a Sunday) and getting my outline ready for National Novel Writing Month. By Wednesday, I’ll have a decision made on the North Carolina trip. I’m leaning toward not going, simply because I am not physically up for it. I cannot meet the work requirement due to medical problems beyond my control. This was not expected. Psychologically, I’m fine, never depressed or anything, certainly up for an adventure right now. Maybe it will have to be a different sort of adventure.