Follow your heart

Ultimately, I had to do what I believed in my heart was right.  I had to believe in myself.  I could not take anyone else’s advice.  I had to realize that I knew myself better than anyone else knew me, that I was my own best expert.

This is true for anyone.  Even the label “mental illness” does not mean you are not the best authority on yourself.  You are.  Never allow a therapist to tell you that he or she knows you better than you do.  It’s a lie.

“Sick” does not mean “wrong.”  That is only a Western concept.  When I realized this, I rose above it.  I realized I was right all along.  I was never depressed again.  I realized that depression is only a body response.  So I keep it in my body, and never allow it to reach my psyche anymore.

Unfortunately, I lost several friends over this.  These friends believed that “treatment” was right and I was wrong.  It was all so petty.  Well, I was right all along.  More and more folks are telling me this, not only that but I have folks in position of medical and legal authority backing me.  Unfortunately, these former friendships are now down the drain, though.

Was wellness worth sticking to my beliefs?  Sticking up for myself and not giving in?  You bet.  Getting well is all about finding that voice.  It means speaking out when you think something’s wrong.

That means even “treatment.”  So when you see something not quite right, speak up!

One of the best things I did was to fire my therapist.  She kept saying, “Listen to me and you’ll be well.”  And she also kept saying, “You belong in the state hospital.”  What was I to believe?

I get scared of big promises from therapists.  Like, “Anyone can do it.”  Or, “If it didn’t work, then it’s because you didn’t listen,” or, “You didn’t follow my instructions and that’s why you’re not well.”  These people are not gods.  My last T kept saying stuff like that.  It’s this kind of T that knows how to manipulate and wrap their patients around their fingers.

Trust me, she had me convinced.  I thought she was great.  But she’s only human like you and me.  A human being who, like many other therapists, got into the business to satisfy her need to control others.

So I got out and I’m very happy I did.

Yeah, I lost friends, a whole lot of them.  I don’t really have close friends right now, not people I hang out with or be buddies with or anything. People keep a safe distance.

But this suits me just fine.  I’d rather not have close friends.  I’m comfortable with the way things are.  I’m happy being a well person who speaks up for herself and stands up for what she believes in.  If nobody else likes it, they can go to hell.  And sometimes, you know, they do.


Feedback and comments welcome!