I considered canceling the appointment because I don’t want to leave the house. I have a half hour to decide. It will be so hot that I won’t be able to wear my bulky vest to hide in.
My only feasible solution is to wear my thick bulky dress. But I’ll have to change into pants when I get there cuz they put needles in my belly.
They are putting needles in my ears. This is for appetite, to stop the bingeing. I have this weird feeling that it isn’t going to help me. Just a sneaky feeling. What does bingeing have to do with appetite? Then again, I don’t know much about Chinese medicine.
Damn, what I go through.
If you think it’s great that I’ve gained weight, then FUCK YOU. This is living hell. My life is getting to be more and more a nightmare. I feel like I don’t even have support because no one understands. People are running around telling me, “You ate! How wonderful! Rah rah!” Well you don’t fucking get it. I BINGE. BINGEING IS NOT EATING. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I GO THROUGH.
This is why I did this massive overdose in 1984. Because no one understood. Yeah, I tried. I cried out for help. Again and again and no one took me seriously. They even laughed. Yeah, laughed in my face and told me to go home and that I was doing great, making good progress, just relax, he said, this bingeing is not such a big deal.
It’s fucking 2012 there is no excuse now. Karen Carpenter died for us in 1983. She is forever rising from the dead and crying out. Listen to her if you won’t listen to me.
I put in a call to this DMH person a bit ago. He’s off today and starts work tomorrow at noon according to his message. I’m calling Dr. P right now. I need help.