Although this madness is rather interesting, it is a perfect waste of time. I do wish to share it, to tell the world what it is like. I wish I knew what it was. It is like I am tripping on LSD, but I don’t know what LSD was like. That is, I never took LSD. Yes, I am 54 years old and was born in 1958 so was of that generation that took LSD, but I never took it. So no, I am not having a “flashback.” If such a thing exists. They said people would have these flashbacks and re-live their trips.
But I am experiencing this madness. This is the third time. This Other. I am not sure what it is. I slept quite well last night, better than usual but was physically ill yesterday. My stomach seems fine today, no diarrhea or nausea at all today.
There seems to be no danger in it. Except a bit ago, as I was returning home, it occurred to me that perhaps I may never, ever snap out of it.
How lonely. This madness. To never connect. There seems no need.
Stark raving mad. My thoughts are completely messed up. I am in my own little world and I don’t need to connect with anyone, ever.
I went to see the minister. Spoke with him briefly, tried to explain.
I really need to shower. But I did brush my teeth and that feels good. Real good. Anyway, after I saw the minister I went and bought some plastic bags to pick up Puzzle’s poops. I hope I bought the right kind. It was really, really hard in the CVS, trying to shop and make sense of the products in the aisles, trying to pick out what I needed, the right kind of baggies, the sandwich baggies with the flip-tops.
Okay, now I feel a little better cuz I wrote some stuff I think was clear and cohesive. I was in the CVS looking confused like a madwoman in a place where people are supposed to be organized. You can imagine just how tough it was for me to use one of those self-checkouts. Yeah. I did it.
Came home and here I am. Still haven’t showered. I don’t know how long it’s been.
Trying to figure out what this is.
Stark raving mad. Your guess is as good as mine.
Anyway. Decided last night, right before I went to sleep, that therapy is doing me no good. Figured I’d take a year off. I’d just spend the time writing and working my way through all my madness. I’d keep writing and writing. I have no idea who is reading all this stuff.
My mind is just so precious. It works so perfectly. You can tell. Absolutely perfectly.