Happy 2012

I keep the landline and two aspirin by my bed at night.  A lot of people do that.  I go to bed not knowing and I’ve gone to bed not knowing every night this month just about.  I wake up lucky.  It’s not likely I’ll use the landline after the last experience I had with 911.

I had the session with my T.  I was completely out of my head.  I haven’t a clue what was wrong with me but whatever it was, I struggled to appear “normal” and I guess I pulled it off well enough to get in there, talk a while, and go home again but it was scary in the subway station.  Many people were staring at me and I was aware that I must have looked odd, probably psychotic or on drugs or something, but I couldn’t stop it because I was so scared standing there waiting for the train.  I don’t remember the session with my T too well, not what we talked about.  I remember telling myself the whole time to try my best to look and act normal so she wouldn’t guess anything was wrong.  I wasn’t okay again until late in the night last night, long after I’d gotten home.

Today I slept all day.  I will return to sleep shortly.  I am tired.

Feedback and comments welcome!