I keep the landline and two aspirin by my bed at night. A lot of people do that. I go to bed not knowing and I’ve gone to bed not knowing every night this month just about. I wake up lucky. It’s not likely I’ll use the landline after the last experience I had with 911.
I had the session with my T. I was completely out of my head. I haven’t a clue what was wrong with me but whatever it was, I struggled to appear “normal” and I guess I pulled it off well enough to get in there, talk a while, and go home again but it was scary in the subway station. Many people were staring at me and I was aware that I must have looked odd, probably psychotic or on drugs or something, but I couldn’t stop it because I was so scared standing there waiting for the train. I don’t remember the session with my T too well, not what we talked about. I remember telling myself the whole time to try my best to look and act normal so she wouldn’t guess anything was wrong. I wasn’t okay again until late in the night last night, long after I’d gotten home.
Today I slept all day. I will return to sleep shortly. I am tired.