You can get MBTA "alerts" about bus, subway, elevator service, etc sent to your cell phone, and how this relates to how I'm feeling today

Go to the mbta.com site, “rider tools” section and you’ll see the feature you can sign up for.  You can get these notifications–which have been refined according to rider requests–sent to your cell phone or pager, etc and/or your e-mail.  It’s not difficult to sign up.  I signed up for the  #70/70A routes and the #71 (these two routes I mentioned to you in previous posts as they come out of Watertown and were affected by the power line disaster in the square October 18).  I take these buses frequently, and it will be nice to know ahead of time if there are delays on either one.  This will influence my decision as to which route I’ll take to get to therapy.  I can take either.

Today, indeed, I am going to therapy.  But I have received no alerts.  This means smooth sailing on both routes, and I am free to choose either according to my whim.

Today is smooth sailing in my life as well.  Puzzle has gone to the vet and her sore will be okay.  She is taking two pills for it and the situation will be solved.  She is not in pain and she no longer finds the area irritating to her.  I am not pleased about the increased credit card balance due to the vet bill, though, but I am not going to worry about it.  So many people are a lot worse off than I am.  I have a roof over my head, after all, clothes to wear, and a dog.

In DBT, which stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, there is discussion of intense emotions.  Some people cannot handle intense emotions and they cope poorly with them by doing destructive things.  They react angrily, or do cutting, or their eating is affected adversely, or they lash out at others, or they gamble, or abuse substances, or otherwise make themselves miserable…a host of destructive reactions…instead of just letting the emotion go.  DBT teaches you how to cope properly with intense emotions.

My therapist and I are going through a DBT workbook right now.  I have mixed feelings about doing this workbook.  I sort of can’t relate to it. I have been looking back over recent times that I have felt intense emotions, and just about every time, I handled these emotions well.  I turned my feelings into constructive action.

It’s not what you think.  Let me explain.  Most the time when I felt angry, I did writing.   I poured my emotions out onto paper or keyboard.  When I felt intense positive emotions recently about my experience at church–wow, this was very, very intensely positive…I was so incredibly moved–I came home and sat and wrote.  There were other incidents…I wrote.

This is not my only way to cope.  The other way is through my tears.  I cry easily.  It’s not a bad thing, especially since about 75% of my tears are happy tears.

My eating disorder…emotions, or thoughts?  I told my therapist, not in our last session but a few sessions ago, that I think I do destructive ED behaviors, restricting and bingeing, because of very, very skewed thinking.  I cannot seem to stop these thoughts, cannot get them out of my head.  Thoughts are not the same as emotions.  These thoughts repeat themselves, not over and over like broken records, but enough to not make sense.  These thoughts are illogical to begin with and anorexia nervosa and eating disorders in general are incredibly illogical.  I learned at the hospital that alcoholism is also illogical.

As a person who has had anorexia on and off for many years, these thoughts have been stuck in my head just about the whole time for 31 years.  I must learn to cope with them and try to keep them from influencing my behavior.

Emotionally and mood-wise today, I feel smooth and okay.  No alerts.  I rolled out of bed on the correct okay side.  I have been operating efficiently.  I have been sleeping better lately….finally.  I worked on my Nano outline this morning.  I’m even thinking about names for my protagonist (these I’m still not willing to reveal).  I made an apology to someone for being inconsiderate and selfish.  It had been weighing on my mind that I had acted inappropriately.  It feels like I am–in a way–cleaning out my mental Inbox.  If only I’d clean out my e-mail Inbox!  It’s still got some stuff in it from September’s hospitalization that needs to be deleted.  I need to catch up on my life.

I have a lot of catching up to do, a lot of thinking.  I plan to do that today, alerts or not.  I need to pack my stuff for therapy, and I’ll be sure to remember my cell phone, just in case.

Feedback and comments welcome!