A person with an eating disorder wakes up from a nap at 8:30am to discover that Irene's high winds have begun

After last night’s unfortunate water-drinking incident, I seem to be okay, but rather shaken, realizing that you don’t need to consume too much liquids to quickly develop a severe electrolyte imbalance.  This happened to a lady who entered some kind of water-drinking contest.  It was put on by some idiot radio DJ.  I believe she very quickly drank two gallons of water and died.  Last night I drank two gallons I think, but it wasn’t all water.  Some of it was milk.  Once, I drank five gallons of liquids.  This was over the course of two hours.  Diet cola, iced coffee, and water.  Zero calories.  Anyway, I didn’t die.  I didn’t even get a stomach ache.  I wasn’t particularly scared.  But last night was damned scary.  Am I glad I was scared?  Is that a good, healthy reaction to something that is “normal” to be scared about, and shows that I want to live?  Well, I’m darned glad that I am okay right now.  Puzzle needs me.  Irene is upon us.

I didn’t sleep well.  I haven’t slept well in ages.  In the hospital, they woke us in the middle of the night every damned night.  I always had a roommate that needed medical attention in the middle of the night.  The last night I was there, there was an emergency they had to attend to in my room at 3:30 am.  It took about 45 minutes to resolve it.  We were both up for the rest of the night.  Oh, BTW, that was the morning that I swiped a bottle of diet ginger ale from the kitchen refrigerator and brought it to my room.  As an eating disorder patient, I wasn’t supposed to have soda of any kind.  Diet, regular, whatever.  Dumb rule.  I just about got caught with it when the guy came in to do blood pressure, but his eyes were on the TV that was on in the room.  So anyway, I have been getting up in the night every night, by habit, since returning home.  I can’t seem to break myself of the habit.  Pain in the butt I know.

At around 6:15 I walked Puzzle.  It wasn’t raining much, nor was there much wind, so we were just fine.  She wore the crocheted patchwork sweater, the one people Google all the time that’s on this site.  We saw tons of other dogs out before the storm hit.  I wasn’t listening to music.

I fed her, came back in, took my meds, slept.

I have been drinking V8 periodically to replenish my electrolytes.  Luckily, I had it on hand.  I was shitting a whole lot overnight.  I think there’s nothing left and I’m done.

You know, initially it felt very good.  The stomach emptying, that is.  It was like a release.  I can’t say it was comfortable, but emotionally it was awesome.  Like I was shedding some really, really bad stuff.  I could easily slip into a binge/purge ordeal, except I still believe that no matter what I do, I will never learn to vomit.  Being incapable of it is engraved in me. It is my doom.

We got a call from the Fire Chief saying to listen to instructions.  Well, who knows.  My phone is on, but no word of an evacuation.

Hey, just now, a beeping sound started in my apartment.  I thought it was the carbon monoxide alarm.  Ohh, no. But it was my old alarm clock, which had fallen off my table during the night.  I shut it off.  I’ll bet the fire people get calls all the time from people who are mistaken about things like these.

The winds are worse and worse.  There is a tree outside, right outside my window.  I am not scared of this tree.  I like it because it blocks the window, so the people in the house next door can’t see me if I have the shade up and the lights on.  I like it so much that I trust it not to break the window if it falls on me.

The worst of it is supposed to be at 3pm.  No, I am not going to go out of my apartment and hang out under the stairwell with a bunch of gossippy elderly folk.  I just can’t stand those people.

Puzzle is asleep in her bed and not reacting to all this.  I am so tired.  I think I’ll shut down again, cover the laptop with plastic just in case, and take another nap.  I wonder what it’ll be like when I wake up.

Feedback and comments welcome!